final thought on 2006

2006 was frankly a year of figuring things out. i just moved back to the bay area and i mostly just lived. i just tried to figure out where my place was in this world, and moreso tried to figure out what i needed to do to move on. as insane as this sounds, 2006 just feels like yesterday. time just flew, but in that blink, i learned a lot about me and where I NEED TO GO. i'm not scared or sad about turning 35 this new year, rather i feel more determined to make my dreams come true. 2006 was spent talking about what i dreamt of doing - 2007 is the year i take action. it also helps that i've been blessed with the friends and family i have. i truly love all of them!

i can't wait to get 2007 started! cheers!

and another year passes

so i was going to write like a "year-end" summary about everything i did this year. something i used to do with michelle...

side note: for a while i never referred to michelle. instead, i used ex or her. but hey, it is what it was. i spent a lot of time and a lot of memories with her and i'm going to acknowledge that. i guess that's what came out of my therapy session in writing my play. i used to hope and erase those memories of her, but those are my memories too. for the most part, she made me the person i am today. it's been SO LONG since we've talked and i don't think that's going to change. i don't need to go back down that road again. but one thing i want to stress is that i no longer miss or long to go back to those days. i'm looking on moving forward, but i have to give credit where credit's due - and i thank her for that. so there!

now where was i... "year-end" summary. so, yeah, we used to do that, but i didn't know where to begin, so i went back to looking at my myspace blogs. when i started reading my post of jan. 1, 2006 - it looks a lot of what i want to do for 2007. in short, i didn't achieve any of my short term goals, which i will do this year - promise to me. even though it's a lot easier to promise to others than to myself. just who i am.

but there are a couple of things that i want to remember about the past year that made it memorable:

- i went to the philippines. it was a short stay but i did so much: visited family, got lost many times, snorkling, saw a tinik(ling) bird, had real filipino food like puto boom-boom (sorry sis, i keep forgetting the correct way to say it), went to baguio, and lot of other things.

- stood up to my boss. made me a stronger person.

- joined a new group which hopefully leads to a good new year. hooked up with bindlestiff and the sf asian american film festival. looking for more groups to join and just get out there.

- found that i have more strength than i know i had. i.e. when i sang balikbayan box with sis. when i rehearsed the song for the show, i never listened to bitoy and her sing it, just cuz it hurt too much. i love these two with every inch of my being and i honestly didn't want to hear another voice with hers sing that song. not even mine. but for some reason, it felt right on that night. plus, he visited. so hopefully that was a positive sign. anyways, i found the strength to do that. but honestly, i still don't think i'm able to sing another song without him... not sure if i can still listen to it. but in time i will.

- that i can actually get surprised. i'm too old to be surpised by anthing, but i have some great friends who surpised me for my birthday! went to joes expecting to just have dinner with just a couple of people, which is fine, but found more of my familia there! :)

- discovered the musical stylings of "el charro negro" - i miss mariachi music. i tried to play some of it in high school, and wished we learned. el charro negro is the name of a black mariachi singer that sang at an event that my lil sis sang at. hella people there.

- i still got a little writer in me. it's been like forever since i wrote anything that i liked, but one morning, that old feeling came back. next step - GET IT PRODUCED!

- watched a lot of inspiring concerts/events: lani and sos, dwts, GARY, a karaoke contest ;), AI Live, kelly clarkson!!!, up concert chorus, RENT #21, and since it was so good i'll mention GARY AGAIN!

- i auditioned for a tv show, a show in the pi :) discovered my lack of tagalog skills hurt. didn't realize i was in the same room as irish from pda. crap! maybe next year... tomorrow. hehe.

real quick

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FEMI!!!

Sir Fernando Amorsolo

being that it's a holiday weekend, i got to get out of work early! hence, i had to answer a question... what do i do now? i hate going home. the only thing i do when i'm here is either watch tv or type in my blog. so it came down to a choice between watching a movie, dreamgirls topped the list or do something new! i chose the latter... or is it the former... i chose the doing something new. :)


so took the muni to the asian art museum. i've been meaning to check it out since it moved from golden gate park, and i finally had the chance. i saw a poster at an eatery near my work that advertised a special exhibit by painters from the philippines. the image above was on the poster. it's called "Palay Maiden" by Fernando Amorsolo. seeing this painting in person was truly amazing. there is so much detail with the brush strokes on her face but i love the impressionism of the backgrounds. on top of these things, i love his use of color in his use of her outfit and the rice stalks she's carrying - the colors of the philippine flag. very nationalistic in a point in time of rural life. in going through the web, i love his other works of what manila looked like as world war 2 was breaking out and also scenes of the muslims of the philippines.

it's good to expand my horizons a little bit and something i hope to continue in doing by doing/learning/seeing something new EVERY DAY!

Fantasy Dancing With The Stars

i was thinking about was who'd be interesting to see on Dancing With the Stars next season. gotta keep it real cuz there's no way someone like tom cruise, or nicole kidman, or tom and nicole dancing together, will go on this show. so, here's my list of cool b-list celebs i wouldn't mind seeing cutting up the rug:

• jaleel white - yes. urkle would be awesome, but it'd be more stephan. i think that he'd be pretty good and go far.


• kirk cameron - interesting. goes with the teenybopper of before like the slater or joey lawrence role.


• michael jordan - they already had the greatest wide reciever and one of the great running backs, so why not the greatest basketball player. his height might be a problem, but like the other three sports figures, he is competitive.


• geraldo rivera - he fits the newscaster role. could be interesting but then again maybe not.


• kathy griffin - queen of the b-listers and there for comic relief. she'd be funny to watch if her heart is in it.


• mc hammer - we know he can dance, but can he dance the foxtrot... without the parachute pants?


• mia hamm - trying to fill the woman void i'm lacking. i was trying to think of a famous athelete that didn't have dancing skills. i was thinking kristi yamaguchi or michelle kwan, but they dance on ice, so that ruled them out. so mia would have my choice.


• mr. t - ha! i piqued your curiosity didn't i? well, if the producers get him on the show, it should do the same for a couple of million viewers. i'd love to see how he'd do. i wonder if he'd wear the gold chains.


• kim fields - it'd be nice to see tootie on the dance floor. she can also bring the elegance that vivica did last season.


• rozonda ocelean thomas - otherwise known as CHILLI from the r&b group TLC. i've always loved this girl, and i just wanna see her on tv again. plus, she'll be releasing a new solo cd soon.

let me know who else you think should get on this list.

And I'm Off!

thoughts are mad racing again...

stupid internal clock. i went to sleep at 2, closer to 3, and i woke up around 7. not even tired. sucks! but i'm up and just wanted to get some stuff out.

so mad at myself for not writing down a story/dream i had the other night. it was complete and after i woke up it was like the dream lifted and separated, like a good push up bra - not that i would personally know - but it's gone. what i kinda remember it being was that it was about a man and a woman falling out of love and falling in love with another person. i thought that there was a daughter involved, but her involvment in the story escapes me. hopefully it will revisit. hopefully.

i got a card from michelle today. a christmas card. been thinking of her and her family a lot. this time of year has always been so special just because of those years with her family. ever since then, i have adopted the same shopping traditions as them, i buy multiple gifts for one person. small items mind you, but still do. anyways, back to the card. i can honestly say that i don't have romantic, for lack of a better term, inclinations for her, but i really do miss her as a friend. i guess the only thing holding me back from pursuing this friendship, on my part, is that i am afraid that i will miss her that way, and that's something i don't want. don't want or need the complications of that way of thinking, not only for me, but for her and whomever she's with right now. it's like this balancing act that i have to do between friend and something more that clashes with memories of something more. but i feel that now might be, considering IF she's wants to, renew this friendship because i feel like i've grown up quite a bit in these past couple of months. for my own self-preservation, i've needed to. i miss what was once my best friend.


what else, my stupid tracking code doesn't work with the new blogger template i used, so i switched back. i loved seeing where my blog was opened. the image above was all of the spots from around the world that viewed my blog. i really hope that it works this time.

is it ethical for a manager to read his or her employee's personal blog? i'm seeing both sides - 1) dude, if the person puts up her/his blog on the web, then it's on. everyone has the right to view the page. but 2) can a person be dismissed from a job or reprimanded by what is in the blog that the manager reads? maybe that's where the line between employer and employee, friend vs. co-worker, should be drawn. unless the employee writes down I HATE MY BOSS AND I'M GONNA WAIT FOR HIM TO GET OFF OF WORK AND I'M GONNA SLICE HIS NUTS OFF AND DIP IT UP HIS A-HOLE BEFORE SHOVING IT DOWN HIS THROAT! then, well, that's kinda scary and off-limits. (sorry, my imagination runs wild sometimes.) but you get the picture. but other than that, for me, i won't read their blogs. that crosses a line... something that my boss doesn't seem to comprehend. *i wonder if she knows about this blog*

anyways, battery's running low, so ttyl! and thanks for listening.

And dancing the cha-cha...

this very blurry pixelated picture is drew lachey and cheryl burke dancing the paso doble at the dancing with the stars tour. i had a pretty good time. i just took the experience in. actually, i got the directing bug again. inspired by one carrie ann inaba. not only is she a hottie, but geez for her to put everything together. and everything that she's done before like with the flygirls and her other projects that escape me now. hmm...
so chillin' at home with my friends watching i love the 90's on the tele, and can't believe how time flies so fast!

Merry Day After Christmas!

welps, time to get out some random thoughts before turning in for the night.

christmas eve...
was nice. just spending time with mom. the day began with us taking a walk. she asked about che. didn't have much to tell her. then she told me the story of how my mom and dad first got together. she said that my dad had already joined the navy and was actually seeing someone when he started seeing my mom. actually, he was supposed to marry this other person, but i guess it was something about my mom that he liked. interesting story. things between the other woman and my dad didn't work out and my uncle on my mom's side told my dad to scram if he didn't have any intentions with my mom, so my dad asked my mom to marry her. so, when he turned in the paperwork for them to get married at subic, the paperwork got to one of my dad's ex's and was put at the bottom of the file. after a couple of months without any word, my dad found out what had happened and got the file to another one of his friends and here we are. she told me that my dad felt sorry for my mom cuz she was really thin. sticky as i'd call it. anyways, my dad paid for some nutrients and a doctor visit to help my mom out... i guess that's where the segue from che to my mom's story. hmmm...

i wanted to go to Midnight Mass at a church, St. Patrick's on Mission in SF. it's really close to Metreon, and i love the interior. i heard that there were parols inside so i knew that they'd be a lot of filipinos in the house - and i was right! i called and the info line said that the Midnight Mass would begin at 8pm. (a little early) we actually got there at 6:15 because the recording also said that there would be a Christmas carols starting at 7pm. we were like the only ones in there and i was kinda worried, but the place filled up really quick. the carols were cute. first the kids, then the seniors, and then the youth (teens to young adults) choir sang. it was cool, they sang "Pasko Na Sinta". it was really nice. before the mass started, they were selling votive candles for $5 @ to be placed in front of jesus' crib during part of the mass. at 8pm the mass started. naks ganda! all the lights were turned off and a person acting as john the baptist with a long wooden cane walked down the aisle. with each step and thud of his walking stick he announced that the Messiah was upon thee. he had a little filipino accent. then as the father recited the story of the birth of Jesus from the Gospel of Luke, the kids reinacted the nativity scene. so cute. there were 3 little boys who played the wise men, and little girls with wings played the angels. very cool. the homily was very good, funny, and inspiring. the main message was that even though so many things from the outside world can make you sad, mad, and crazy, remember to take the message of the crib, of jesus, of love, and take that in your heart. don't leave the crib, take it with out and out into the world. the mass was so good! parols were overhead and hymns in tagalog filled the 100 year old church. and of course, the mass ended with "ang pasko ay sumapit".


christmas day...
decided to drive to monterey with my mom. needed to see my dad. haven't visited in a while. miss him, and from the walk with my mom, i know that she misses him tremendously as well. after our visit and Christmas hellos, we went to del monte to see dreamgirls! again we got there almost 2 hours before the show started so we just sat there. but as it got closer to showtime, the place got packed! amazing movie! can't wait to see it again. when i bought the soundtrack, i was kinda afraid that it would ruin it, but hearing it and watching it were 2 totally different things, especially with "AIATY"! (learned the acronym usage from RENT) jen hudson OWNED that song... and the movie. but each person in the cast held their own. just amazing performances. incredible. this might sound wierd, but my FAVORITE scene wasn't "AIATY" but it was Eddie Murphy's acting right after they played "Patience" for Curtis, and Curtis says no. just that look and body expression from Eddie totally took my breath away and my respect for him elevated to extraordinary proportions. and i don't remember him saying that many, if any, words. his eyes just said a million things about his character and where his character was. :) can't wait to see it again is all i want to say!

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you; be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others may destroy overnight; create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten; do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it may never be enough; give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Theresa's adaptation of Dr. Kent M. Keith's The Paradoxical Commandments

Fiction Resembles Life

[A song begins and MANDY and CARLOS dance and sing around Juice It. The song has crazy mad beats and it's about making dreams happen.]


As the song ends, a KAREN, enters the store.

CARLOS
Hey, Mandy. Got a customer behind you.

MANDY turns around and freezes.

KAREN
Ate Amanda?

MANDY
Hi Karen.

MANDY goes around the counter and gives her little cousin a hug.

KAREN
How are you doing? I haven't seen you in so long.

MANDY
I know. Since the funeral. Um, so, how's everybody doing down south?

KAREN
We're all doing fine. JB graduated last year and working at Cedar Sinai as a cardiac nurse now.

MANDY
From UCLA, right?

KAREN
Yeah. I'm sorry that you couldn't make it to his graduation.

MANDY
Well, I've been here running this store and the others. Plus, we're always short staffed. You know how good employees are hard to find. Soooo… what brings you here to town?

KAREN
Just a short business trip. I'm leaving early tomorrow for New York, then off to Dallas before heading back home. Hey, do you wanna get together for some dinner tonight?

MANDY
I'm not sure if I can get away. I have to do the totals for our regional stores… and…

KAREN
Well, then. Next time, I guess. Since I'm here, I'll give your dad a call, if that's all right.

MANDY
Of course. He'd love to hear from you.

KAREN
You're still at the same number, right?

MANDY
Same one for the last 27 years.

KAREN
Perfect. If you get off early, give me a call okay?

KAREN reaches into her purse and pulls out a business card.

KAREN (CONT.)
Or you can email… or text. It's all good.

MANDY
Thanks. Hey, did you wanna order something? On me of course, I own the store.

KAREN
Just some OJ. I saw a 24-Hour Fitness across the street and was headed there when I saw you dancing around in here. It made me think about when we were kids and we'd have those shows in the living room for Lola and Lolo. You taught all your cousins the dopest moves from the Janet Jackson videos.

MANDY
Those were the days.

KAREN
You still dance?

MANDY
Me… no. That was ages ago. And that was a silly dream… and this is real life. Here's your juice.

KAREN
Thanks, Ate. I better jet. Give me a call so we can hang out again.

They hug each other.

KAREN
Love you.

MANDY
Love you too.

KAREN exits as MANDY heads to the door to wave bye. MANDY just stares out there for a while and looks down at Karen's business card.

Enter CARLOS.

CARLOS
Hey, you better not let Dick catch you daydreaming again.

MANDY doesn't say anything or turn around.

CARLOS
Chica, what's wrong? Was it my Dick comment? Listen, you might not like Dick… but I…

MANDY turns around.

MANDY
Carlos!

CARLOS
Got you to turn around! Now tell Carlito what's bothering you.

MANDY
My little cousin just came by.

CARLOS
You have a cousin? I thought that it was just you and your dad.

MANDY
It is… but then there's my rich successful alter-ego family living in SoCal.

MANDY hands CARLOS Karen's business card.

CARLOS
Fancy shmancy. It even smells rich. Bet they treat you like Cinderella, before she got all beautified and shit.

MANDY
No, not even. They're really cool, it's just that I wish I could relate. I wonder what it'd be like to not always be living from paycheck to paycheck. To not feel like I'm lower than them. I mean, she never would make me feel bad. It's just me I guess. It just feels like everyone but me gets the breaks. When is it going to be my turn?

CARLOS
That time will come and soon. You're still going to that audition, right?

MANDY
Oh, shoot! That's right. What time is it?

CARLOS
Time to get a watch.

MANDY
Carlos!

CARLOS
Sorry, baby. You know I can never resist when someone asks me that. It's 4:30 child.

MANDY takes off her apron.

MANDY
Cover for me, 'kay? I gotta get home and change. I can't go there looking like this.

CARLOS
Or smelling like that too. Get going girl… and break a leg.

MANDY gives CARLOS a quick hug and exits.

August 2000

when this picture was taken, it was a point in my life i would call 'happyness.' a couple of days ago, i watched the current will smith movie, "the pursuit of happyness." needless to say, the ending of the movie is predictable, but if you DON'T WANT TO KNOW how it ends stop here...

i'm just going to say that the character he played started to cry at the end of the movie. but it wasn't tears of sadness, but an uncontrollable emotion that happens to a person when they accomplish something that they've worked against all odds for and finally achieve his or her goal/dream. after this scene, i did shed a tear or two, because i know what that feeling is. and that is captured in the picture above.

after graduating from high school in 1990, i went to sac state. 5 years were spent learing about partying, tennis, "friendship", filipino culture, filipino-american history, how to roll and fry a lumpia, and clubbing. as you can see, during my academic tenure at CSUS, i didn't learn much about MIS or business or COBOL. truth is... i wasted 5 years of money and schooling. i never did get a degree from there. but i didn't leave empty handed, i did find my best friends, and a passion for performing arts, my culture, and community. all of this is and will always be credited to Sinag-tala!

i moved away, lost touch, and found something that i did love to do - graphic and web design. after the entrance interview with an art school in sf, i was accepted and began my next foray into higher education. during this time i got various part-time hourly jobs to pay for living expenses. this meant peanut-butter sandwiches, living in a house with no heat and a leaky roof (but no rent either), no free weekends or no free nights! michelle sacrificed more than me though since she started working earlier than i, and i just needed to recognize that. but yeah, we struggled. my "lowest" point was when i was working at a smoothie place and my lil cousin came into the store. i remember when she was in elementary school, and now she's working as a financial loan officer for a law school... and i was serving her a smoothie. hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? i just hoped that one day that all this would be worth it.

when i got my BFA in August 2000, all those sacrifices were worth it. i worked SO HARD for that piece of paper. that paper isn't a symbol for the classes i took and passed at the expense of harsh critiques and MANY sleepless nights, but also all the missed nights and weekends working. also, for all those experiences of feeling so much lower than all the "friends" i knew who had higher paying jobs while i worked as a juicer and robot/guest service person at metreon. i EARNED that piece of paper and it's the part of my life that lead up to that moment above called, happyness.

Yo! Great Movie!

surprisingly enough, i LOVED rocky balboa! i so wanna see it again. the movie had a couple of great themes, and they come at a great time in my life. so personally, it was very satisfying.

it's so weird that there have been a lot of interconnecting things that have happened to me lately, good and bad. but each is finally coming together. on wednesday, my boss asked me, "Do you have courage?" thursday, i have a chat with my friends which opened up my options. also, i watched "pursuit of happyness" which reminded me of what and who i am and to fight and work for what i want. then i go to one of my best good friend's graduation to be reminded again of what's important to me. and then i just watched ROCKY, to get fired up about being able to stand up for me and anything i believe in.

i'm sorry if whatever i said above didn't make any sense. i think i forgot how to write in a comprehensible manner. i was so on a role a couple of postings ago.

let me try with the next post.

crickets

alone in my office. why i haven't left yet? good employee.

i'll write more when i get home :)

ready... set... go!

a million thoughts race.

i've been pushed to the point that i have almost no options left. it's so weird to be between pissed off/raging fucking mad and ashamed of myself.

back up 2 days. long story short, my team has been informed of some last minute changes/edits that will need to be done in a couple of days, and assessing my resources, i think that we'll be in good shape to turn the requests around in a timely manner. so after deciding this, i update my manager about this and then instead of, "thanks. you handled that well." she goes, "why didn't you tell them no?" "because after discussing this with my team, we can make the changes." "you still could have said no. DON'T YOU HAVE COURAGE?"

i didn't know what to say. i just said, we can handle the request. it's a business decision and it isn't rocket science. SO UNCALLED FOR. so tomorrow i'll go into hr and talk to them about this incident. unfortunately, this isn't the first time that she has demeaned me or others. i feel bad for not FIRING back at her, but if i had, maybe she will think twice about hurting me, but it WON'T STOP HER from doing it to someone else.

i was seriously considering quitting my job, but the fire's started, and i'm not going anywhere. i like my job. i like my business partners. i ain't going anywhere, but i won't work like this. i value my work, my co-workers, my company, and ME way too much to take this or any shit from anyone. i don't need courage, when i can fight back! bullshit, i ain't leaving - at least not without a fight.

i am a nice person. true, nice to a fault. but i'm not going to change. i'm not going to be mean. i like who i am, and i hope that others like me for who i am. but what is happening, is that i'm growing. i'm adding another facet to me - that i like and i need to be.

feeling christmassy

really quick... i'm taping saturday's ASAP and watching the CompanY sing christmas songs. :) mad love the singing stylings of Jed Madela, Eric Santos, Rachelle Ann Go (forgive spelling), and Sarah Geronimo. Felt bad for Mark Bautista, he didn't know his lyrics to his solo. He was the only one of the champions not to. I'm sure that he had an excuse. Every time I see Sarah sing, i just get more and more impressed. Just because I didn't like how she sang on her CD "Sweet Sixteen" (yes i have it!) she just sounded too much like Regine. but after watching a couple of episode of BWN, which i hope comes out on dvd, her voice has so much matured, plus there can only be ONE REGINE!

anyways, better get ready for work!

colorgenics

so i just took a "quiz" from something that one of my lil sisters did, and here is the result.

==========

Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.

========

not sure about everything, except for the last paragraph which TOTALLY hits the nail on the head - and has become my goal for the new year - turn my dreams into REALITY!

flashback - from Taiwan

this post was from my mySpace blog dated 5/27/2006:

i'm on my way "home"
Current mood: happy

sup yalls. i'm officially on my way back to cali after a 2+ weeks on the other side of the earth. i'm in Taiwan right now, waiting for my plane... another 5 hours to go! at least the internet is free here. especially since no one is waiting.

so it's been quite an experience. i'm like totally used to the way people drive in the PI. the first time my uncle started driving i was like holding on for dear life as we squeezed between jeepneys and taxis. BUSSES are the WORST! totally no regard to anything that's in it's way. especially on the way up to Bagiuo. talagang crazy!

yesterday, we, meaning my ma, me, my aunt, my cuz Ed, and my 2nd cuz Kathleen, went to the bukid up in the mountains in Mabini, Batangas to where my dad grew up. it was mostly the same except that there was an actual paved road that snaked it's way up the side of the mountain. but when we got there, we were swamped by all these people that were my cuzns. saw the "tree house" that my dad lived in. crazy that it's still up and that people still live there. had some fresh buko juice... shoot the whole forest surrounding the huts were coconut trees.



but the experience of this whole thing was that i experienced... life in the Malls. too many to count. Glorietta was definately my favorite, especially since in was across the street from SM Makati, plus connected to another shopping store called the Landmark, but that was also attached to the high end, Greenbelt shopping centers. I went out one night, and checked out a trio singing, time after time by cyndi lauper in Greenbelt's restaurant row. We also went to SM Megamall in Ortigas! Holy Canoli! the place is 6 stories high and even though it was even and straight, you still couldn't see to the other end of the mall. i actually didn't get to see all 6 floors :( but we did get to go to the SM Mall of Asia - the BIGGEST MALL in Asia. Unfortunately, it didn't float my boat. Sure it had an Olympic size Ice Skatikng rink in the middle of the mall and the open air stage face manila bay, but still didn't impress me. it's just HUGE in terms of land size... 386,000 square meters. So we went to that mall, as well as Robinsons Galleria in Ortigas, SM Batangas, and SM Baguio. I'm not sure if I'm forgetting anything else, but after a while, they kinda looked alike... except for Glorietta.

The stores there are cool. My faves are the local ones like Bench/, Penshoppe, Bayo(even though it's women's clothes i still support pi clothing companys), and a couple more that i can't think of at the moment. The food courts/restaurants in the mall were pretty cool. A lot of filipino food "vendors"! For a full meal, is less than $3! My fave was bistek (cut up pieces of steak in soy sauce) with rice wrapped up in a banana leaf. boom, there's your plate. There are also the reg fast food chains like Jollibees, Goldilocks and Chow King PLUS the American imports like Wendy's, McDo's (as in dough bread. "love ko 'to!"), KFC, Burger King, and even an El Pollo Loco!

I stayed at a variety of places like the Renaissance Hotel by Marriott, across from Greenbelt in Makati. Swanky. $94/night. The only thing that bothered me about that place was that there were a lot of OLDER Americans staying there... who were in the presense of petite pinays who what their hands all over them... hmmm... at any rate... then we stayed at the Holiday Inn Galleria which is connected to the Robinson's Galleria Mall in Ortigas (Manila). This place had a dope continental breakfast. Not like the Holiday Inn express in Elk Grove, but this was like a full buffet with an egg station (omellettes, fried, or scrambled) then there was rice, longanisa, tocino, bangus, bistek, fruits, breads, juices... a lot. Oh, then we stayed at our resort in El Nido in Palawan. Words can't really describe this place. I'll post picts soon, plus a video of a walk-through I did from tip to tip of the resort! If there is a word - paradise! We also stayed at this little inn in Bagiuo. cute, but not much. at least this is where i saw the finale, not the results show, of ai! and to keep everything real, we stayed at my cuzns place in Bats City, Barangay Kumintang Ilaya. It was right after the tropical storm, Caloy, swept through Luzon and hit Bats pretty hard. Much to say, but they were without electricity for at least 4 days... and we spent the night during one of these days. nothing like doing a tabo with a flashlight! it's an experience, but it was real.

And now i'm coming back to the states. It was weird cuz, we were always on the move these past two weeks, but I didn't feel like I was "home" until yesterday, when I was with my cuzns in Bats City and seeing the others in Mabini. but realizing that this is where both of my parents are from, it just feels like truly, this is where my roots are. not in the malls in makaki, or getting a number from a girl in tarlac, or creeping up the hills in bagiuo, or getting up at 4:30am to see the Tinik (yes the very birds in Tinikling) birds fly from a mangrove in Palawan, but Batangas is where my blood is from. I feel like a Batangeno... i just wish i could've stayed there longer.

ala-eh!

going through PINOY DREAM ACADEMY withdrawls

i gotta learn to let go. a couple of days ago, i kept asking my sister to change the channel to tfc, cuz it was "that time". all she said was, "it's not on anymore!" :( after all these months, it's finally over. trying to let it go, but it's gonna take a little while. right now, i'm transferring all my pda episodes onto vhs. it's gonna take me forever! so far, i have the first month, but i have so much to get to clear up my dvr. it's at 98% capacity. gotta go to target to buy more tapes.

so, imma try to write a little review of what i think of a couple of 'em:

• YENG - the winner and Grand Star Dreamer. Daymn! she good. every songwriting competition, she won. she wrote the pda theme song. won the christmas song competion. has a #1 song in the pi from a song she wrote when she was 14! and she can sing very well and consistent. her stage presence is incredible. i could just tell that she has IT! i was telling my co-worker, that i didn't feel as excited about someone winning something since Kelly Clarkson won the very first AI!


• JAY-R - he has a really good voice. lead for a boy band, but i like boy bands! hehe.


• RONNIE - Ronnie's come such a long way. I remember when i first started watching the show, i was like, um, is this tall chinoy gonna say anything. He just flew under the radar. He has a good balladeer voice, but he didn't have much of a personality. As the show went on, i started to like him. Now, I see his career being AMAZING! but i do see him being more of an actor and host... and dancer :) hehe


• CHAD - the rocker from down under! honestly, i love his version of ANAK! totally blew me away!


• IRISH - i thought about her while driving back from sac last night. i drove down i5 and cut across to 580 which made me pass Tracy, where she's from. I don't know how anyone can grow up there, no disrespect, but it's in the middle of nothing. And in the middle of this land, sprung up Irish Fullerton. i'm really proud of her. she was real in the house. i hope that she can have a good career in the pi.


• PANKY - i LOVE her song, FAIRYTALE! I'll admit that i didn't like her at first. she was rude and i thought she was really cocky. but one thing i couldn't deny if i tried, she's unique. she has her own style that i can't compare to anyone. all i saw was her tough exterior, but as time in the house went on, a beautiful person opened up and grew. she breaks the mold of what a female rocker is and redefines it. i really hope that she takes the life lessons that sir jim and the other teachers and fly.


• ROSITA - she has some problems, but i hope that she sees the special person that other people see. she hilarious too. wish her the best.


• YVAN - *shaking head* should have been in the final 6! out of everyone, he is my favorite singer. i can't wait til his CD comes out in January. and i couldn't be more proud and inspired by his performance of "Iris" when he got expelled. he gave the most amazing performance, and the note he hit at the end of the song. GRABEH! i hope that he has an awesome career, cuz imma buy his CDs!


• DAVEY - an amazing guitar player and songwriter. I loved his christmas song the best!


• KRISTOFF - not the best singer, but his attitude is inspiring. i couldn't help but feel bad for him as he cried to himself by saying that he's given everything, but he wasn't getting better. at least he's on a couple of tv shows, including one of my favorites, LET'S GO! that show cracks me up!


• NIKKI GIL & BIANCA GONZALEZ - okay, they weren't scholars, but i really liked them as host. I'm hecka gonna miss seeing them every day!

ok. i'm done with this post.

upset

out of respect, i'm not going to tell anyone who the person i talk about is, even if you ask. but to not cause unneeded guesses or apprehension, this person does NOT CURRENTLY live in california, and has not to my knowledge, ever lived in the greater los angeles or in the sacramento areas.

need a place to vent. just found out something about a certain someone that made me upset. this person is REALLY like the most sweetest, up-front persons that i "know of" and i'm just really worried that something about her past is going to come up, if it hasn't already. GRRR!!! she has come so far and if something that she did in the past comes up to mess things up for her then i would... last month she admitted something, not directly, but she just mentioned that she wanted to make it up to her parents for things that she did before. i mean, she did what she had to do at the time, and that was the past. and it didn't really look that bad - it just could've been worse. she mentioned the fact that she wants to start over and i hope that she is able too. but with everything that's happened, i just hope that she can survive this if this thing ever comes to light. she's done everything for her mom and i just hope that... grrr. i wish that i could write her, like i had planned on doing. maybe i will. not sure how i can get it to her just to say how much i appreciate her and for her honesty. i hope that something doesn't come out, but knowing how some certain people are and their need for tsismis to make up for their sad and pathetic lives... i just wish her well.

Not Sticking to the Status Quo

I had so much fun last night watching CTA's Production of High School Musical. So fun! The cast had a blast and I got inspired again. Kim was amazing! I think that she's better than Gabriella, but i'm biased. I don't think her or Danny's mic worked all night, but in that small theater, it didn't matter. I kinda kept thinking how does one go from being in a big production of MS to going into this production. She must be one truly awesome and down-to-earth person to not let that effect her. She looked like she had a great time with the role. Troy was pretty good too. I couldn't quite fathom that The Foreman/Berkeley Police Officer was going to play Troy, but he did well. It was nice chatting with him @ half-time.
testing my really bad memory, which is worse than my spelling. the show opened up with cheerleaders starting the Wildcat Cheer, the guys talking about the upcoming basketball game, and gabriella is introduced. the flashbacked into the ski lodge where troy and gab met and the karaoke contest. :) oh, then to mrs. darbus's drama class where sharpay, ryan, gab, troy, and chad get detention for using their cellphones in class. off to the hallway, where gab and troy talk about the posting for a musical, but they don't have any interest in it. sharpay tries to flirt with troy. GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME was cool. i think that there were 6 basketball players on stage while they did the song. Oh then we go into the Chem Lab where gab corrects the teacher on an equation on the board. all the while sharpay is trying to tell gab how selfish troy is so that gab won't like him. doesn't work as she just concentrates on the problem. Then off to the theater where sharpay leads the warmup drills. then another exercise where mrs. darbus gives them the assignment to pretend to be an animal. OMG. there was this actor who pretended to be an earthworm. i was dying. i don't remember anything else because i was just trying to figure out what he was and then when i did realize what he was, i couldn't take my eyes off of him. so funny when troy and chad flipped him over and he just sqirmmed. OMG! hilarious! Then after that scene was the auditions! HILARIOUS. the students lined up in a row with their backs to us and when it was time to audition to WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR they'd each turn around. each were hecka funny like in the movie. Then Sharpay and Ryan did their thing and it was hecka good as well. hecka good! After they leave, troy and gab sing WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR, the Kelsi version. Nina good! Then there was another new song called CELLULAR FUSION but i don't remember that :( then my favorite scene came up - in the cafeteria STICK TO THE STATUS QUO. it ended with the guy who bakes (my fave part in the song) accidentally splatting sharpay with a cake he made. intermission.

at intermission me and cayote went across the street to get some much needed breath mints/gum. oh, and he got mocha flavored kit kats. oo, so good.

act two
scene opens up at the rooftop garden. troy and gab have their little scene. i don't know why, but everytime gab starts with the "kindergarten" speech, it always cracks me up. i don't know why, just does. then they sing a new duet called I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU as they are on each side of the stage. cute. I'm skipping a couple of scenes to COUNTING ON YOU where the jocks and the braniacs sing to troy and gab about how they need to concentrate on the science thing and basketball game. at the end of the song, to shut them up troy tells the jocks and cheerleaders that the singing doesn't mean anything to him... and neither does gabriella. unfortunately, someone had a cellephone that caught troy saying this, and gabriella heard all this. :( now, i'm most likely mixing this scene with something else, but when another new song called WHEN THERE WAS ME AND YOU came on, it was a duet with troy and gab, and it ended with the cast around the two leads with the lights off, with the exception of the spots, with their cellphones lighting around them. good idea. i'll steal that. maybe. everything after that is a blur. realizing that gab and troy are miserable, the jocks and the braniacs come up with their plan to get them to audition WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. before they arrive, we see sharpay and ryan's audition BOP TO THE TOP. that ryan kid was really good and played the part over the top, but fun. moonwalked too! then troy and gab show up to sing BREAKING FREE.

overall, i had fun. didn't really have to think that much which is fun sometimes. some insights. sharpay's character played more of the protagonist. i also liked it when sharpay tells ryan that if she didn't get the lead then she no longer filled that only role that she sees herself in. sad to think that a person can box themselves into, but it's really a part of growing up. sadly, there are adults who feel that way too. "i'm nothing if i can't be this." ryan turns out to be a good guy, not only but telling sharpay that she is more than the role that she puts herself into, but also ratting sharpay out. i'm inspired to know that this kind of music is needed and can work for today's musical.

i'm excited for another musical in ny that just opened last week on broadway called SPRING AWAKENINGS. i'm a little put off that it's another rock musical. like that's the new buzz word - rock musical. it's cool, but it's been done. RENT comes to mind. the 2 musicals that breaks this "mold" is an asian-american musical called MAKING TRACKS, though the writer claims to make the musical more rock, but sounds more pop to me. and HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. it's more my kind of genre - pop. i'm not going to deny it because that's what i grew up with. well that and r&b. i know that these kinds of musicals have been done, but i haven't seen it yet. i take that back, i have on dvd... and when i think of the titles i'll let you know.

thanks sis for letting me know about this!

Call me Direk23

i'm watching wazzup wazzup right now... a couple of minutes before :( the Grand Dream Night. i'm so sad.

anyways random thoughts: sam got fricken tall and older, but still looks like a kid. looks like the audience loves yeng! i do too and it'd be a total surprise if someone else one, but that would be fun, exciting and new! if panky won! omg! that'd be cool. honestly, direck joey said that since they are the final 6, it's out of their hands since the audience is voting.

IF i ever considered myself to be a director, I WANT TO BE CALLED DIREK. like DIREK23. that'd be cool. this springs from an interview with Direk Joey on Studio 23's (I love that Channel even though they don't show that here in the States except for Wazzup Wazzup) and they just called Direk Joey - Direk. It sounded cool. But i wouldn't consider myself a director. I have directed stuff - a PCN, A PAPA Christmas Skit, and a couple of segments for ST, but... Direk23. hmmmm. i wish writers got a title like the Atty.'s, Dr.'s...

Anyways, i'm just waiting for the Grand Dream Night to start, and as usual. I was watching the show last night, well for the whole week, and i'm getting hella sad! i've been watching the show since October and it's over?... EVERY DAY for the last 3 months. I'm so gonna miss them.

OOOOOOOO! It's starting! Bye!


(Kenjhons)

we're getting there...

my kaibigans, the female above is new person on Broadway. Her name is Ali Ewoldt, she is portraying "Cosette" in the "revival" of Les Miserables on Broadways, and she is pinay. half-pinay, but at least recognizes her mom's ethnicity.

here's part of her interview from broadwayworld.com:
A Whole New World: Post-college, Ewoldt was cast as the Jasmine body double/understudy in Aladdin at Disneyland. "One of our Jasmines was Deedee Magno Hall," she recalls. "She did Miss Saigon [on Broadway], but I knew her from The Mickey Mouse Club. I grew up in a very white-bread town; my mom's Filipino, and there were a handful here and there, but not so much in the performing genre. Basically it was Deedee and Lea Salonga, who, of course, is the icon of all Filipino icons," she says. "So in my first real job out of college, to be working with someone I had been inspired by growing up was completely ridiculous! And she was the nicest person in the world."

for more of her interview, please visit http://www.broadway.com/gen/Buzz_Story.aspx?ci=539804

Burgundy, Cerise and an Apple

Burgundy, Cerise, and an Apple
A Scene by Tropa23

BURGUNDY: Cerise, are you ready?

CERISE: I was born ready, Burgundy.

BURGUNDY: Are you sure?

CERISE: I've been practicing.

BURGUNDY: For 2 hours?!

CERISE: What's so hard?

BURGUNDY: Hitting the bull's eye.

CERISE: Piece of cake.

BURGUNDY: What if you miss?

CERISE: Don’t worry.

BURGUNDY: I don't know…

CERISE: Trust me.

BURGUNDY: You said that before.

CERISE: You got out…

BURGUNDY: Two weeks later!

CERISE: Just stand there.

BURGUNDY: Not too hard.

CERISE: Open your eyes.

BURGUNDY: No.

CERISE: OK. I promise.

BURGUNDY: What?

CERISE: Not too hard.

BURGUNDY: Is it sharp?

CERISE: When are knives not?

BURGUNDY: Aim for the apple.

CERISE: Then don't move.

BURGUNDY: Don't plan to.

CERISE: One… two… THREE!

BURGUNDY: (yelp) Agh! Call… 9… 1…

Ninja Blog Style!

Just posted and cool. Ninja Blog Style!

So in my last post… which was 5 minutes ago, I asked myself if I was a bad person for not addressing the feelings of a co-worker. Right after posting, a feeling/sense/voice came into my soul and told me to talk to this person. I mean, what can one say that hopefully won't be construed as inappropriate to a person in dispair. So all I said was, "I can't ignore this 'feeling' of emptiness that's surrounding you." I'm not a deep person, though I try to be in order to convince myself of the writer I want to become. But I said it, and she appreciated that I did. She knew what I went through with my dad and beej. Funny, not haha, that I never talked about losing them when I first got here. And I lost the both of them the same 30-day timeframe when I started here. This is a new job, and I didn't need or want any sympathy. But I did bottle/surpress the tinges of depression that hit. The saddest I did get was when I went through orientation at our San Bruno office and they showed a recap of everywhere the media mentioned our company's name. Whether it was my favorite "Swing Dance" ad or when we were parodied in a skit on SNL or a news story about a new store opening in London, I just wanted to start bawling. The person who kept at me the most about needing to do something with my life and "get a good job" was my dad, and right there in that conference room and watching through the refactoring tears that welled up as Chris Farley and David Spade were folding clothes at one of our stores, I kept wishing that my dad was still here to tell him that I finally made it. I'm working for one of the biggest companies in the world. Dad, I hope that you're finally proud of me.

A Blog from Work

So, I'm testing out a new way to blog. I found this little tip from about.com. Apparently, I'm able to publish blog from an email. The only reason I could see me really using this is at work so I can surrepticiously work on my blog and when someone comes up behind me, they won't see the blogger interface in a brower, but my outlook screen. Hehe. Not sure if it'll work though. We'll see and this is the first test.

If you know anyone, either living in or around the Bay Area, that has HTML/CSS/JavaScript skills, LET ME KNOW. I need to hire someone to help me out with our website. Basically, they'd be coding the pages using html that's XHTML Strict compliant by using divs. CSS is a must. What I'm really looking for is a person with JavaScript skills cuz we lost a person, a good guy, with great JS skills. If the person has Flash Actionscript skills that that's a big bonus. Just post a comment and I'll give you my contact info. The position hasn't been officially open so there isn't a posting on our website yet, but when it does, most likely after the holidays, then I'll post it up here.

=====

Does this make me a bad person? I'm listening to something sad, but because of this, I'm shutting my "senses" down, cuz I don't really feel like revisiting some emotions that was literally laid to rest a couple of years ago. Has it really been that long? So, yeah. I'm going heartless style as a defense against a memory of a broken heart.

I'll write more depending on the borednedss level at work.

Did I mention that I can't spelll?

Christmas in Union Square, San Francisco

after work, i made the decision to go to Union Square and take a picture of the Christmas tree there. here it is. i just wanted the picture, but i didn't even think about actually going up to the tree and look at it, take it in. just kinda heartless and take the pict and leave. that's not me. i love the details - and i just blew it off. oh, that's why, i looked at my watch and noticed that i only had 20 minutes to try and catch my ride back home. so i straight booked it. barely made it.

i'm so random!

so, i'm walking to the ferry this morning and i pass a dog and his person. right in front of the flag pole where the ferry picks us up, the doggy, a german shepperd (sp?), is trying to do #2. i quickly look at the dog's eyes, and i quickly turn away. i felt so rude for looking at him, which i'm assuming is a boy, i don't know. but yeah. he had this look like "i gotta get this poo out, and i'm in the drizzle, and this guy's looking at me."

i love dogs! i think of dogs as humans most, if not, all of the time. they have the most expressive eyes, and i know about living with a dog, my ex's jack russell terrier named benny, for a while, i started to read his mind. "what ben? you need to go out. let's go." so yeah, i just felt hella rude for looking at this poor thing, in the drizzle, trying to do his thing.

Jumping on the bandwagon...

i guess i'm the last one to do this survey...

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE? So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool..

1 - Opening Credits:
"Only" - Jocelyn Enriquez

2 - Waking Up:
"Hapi Birtdey" from Sinag-tala 2004

3 - First Day At School:
"Hataw Na" - Gary V.

4 - Falling In Love:
"Sometime in June" - Julie Plug

5 - Breaking Up:
"Find a Way" - A Tribe Called Quest

6 - Prom:
"Feeing Strange" - The Speaks

7 - Life’s OK:
"Puke" - Eminem

8 - Mental Breakdown:
"Best of My Life" - 'N Sync

9 - Driving:
"Business" - Eminem

10 - Flashback:
"Don't Speak" - No Doubt

11 - Getting Back Together:
"In the Stll of the Night" - The AKAfellas

12 - Birth of Child:
"Contact" - RENT OBC!!!

13-Wedding song:
"Something Like You" - 'N Sync

14-Final Battle:
"Meme Na" - Sinag-tala 2003? Al Bough's song

15-Death Scene:
"Love Song Medley" - From Gary V.'s Move Concert :(

16-Funeral:
"Goodbye My Friend" - Gary V.

17-End Credits:
"Over the Moon" - RENT OBC


can i do this again? this was fun. I was most pleasantly surprised by song #4: falling in love *sigh*

Survey Says....

i should be working...

The Most Personal Quiz, Ever.

1. Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
interestingly mine! i usually sleep on the couch, but since i moved the living room tv to my room, i'm there. though, i'm on this site trying to think up something new to expose/embarass myself with.

2. What was the first thing you did this morning?
check where people have logged onto my site from. got someone from turkey! yeah. BORAT!

3. Where are you?
at work... working....

4. What are you going to do today?
work, go to virgin @ lunch to get a certain soundtrack!

5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
:( nope

7. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
nope :(

8. When's the last time you cried?
sunday show.


__The PAST round__

10. Ever thrown up in public?
yes. and i thank cayote for staying with me after that episode!

11. Passed out because of alcohol?
yup. @ bj's house in sf after a night @ the race track! someone won on a pony and jack daniels all the way around! my first shot ever was that night.

12. What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
i should be working or imma get fired.

__The FUTURE round__

13. Would you take a bullet for anyone?
Mos DEF!

14. Where would you like to live?
Sacramento... if my job was there. i like getting paid.

15. What kind of home would you like?
ooo... a big one with a theater, a bowling alley, a swimming pool even though i can't swim, a recording studio, an arcade like silver spoons, a big lawn where i can jump on a lawnmower car and drive around in, enough rooms for my friends to sleep in if they need to crash... and so much more.

16. What do you want to be when you grow up?
a playwrite. but i don't plan to grow up for a while.

17. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
hopefully with a family... but i don't want that pressure. if it happens it happens.

18. In 10 years?
still writing about life...


__The MYSPACE round__

20. Look at your top 8 list, who is your number 1?
my st family.

21. Why is he/she number one?
if it wasn't for it, i wouldn't have a life.

22. Have you ever kissed anyone on your top friends?
i think so...

23.Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Bento

24. Are you good friends with this person?
yups!

25. How often do you log in to myspace?
not too much. if i do, it's just to get in and get out really quick to see if there's any comments or mail sent

27. Do you like candy necklaces?:
nah

28.When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?
probably when i had phi on my back and i ran across the stage and was going too fast, and i fell. i grabbed him before he could fall off the stage. whew! oh... and it was in front of an audience! an audience of SIX! but an audience nonetheless.

29. Do you listen to music every day?:
try too.

30. Do you still go trick or treating?
not after i got a whole bunch of people lost!!! hahaha. poor hannah was shivering! teach me to listen to a 10 year old for directions.

31. What's the last thing you ate?
egg mcFolsom from work.

32. Are you a fast typer?
i could be. i was an admin assistant for sac state and i learned to be.

33. What are you doing tonight?:
working on my play/musical :) gathering a cast as well.

34. Whats your favorite type of SODA?:
used to be root beer, but diet pepsi now.

35. Have you ever moved?
Too many to count.

36. Have you ever won an award?
a couple.

37. Do you do any sports or other activites that are UNUSUAL?
DDR!

38. What do you want to do right now?
work on "Shine". gad i need a new title!

39. Are you listening to music right now?
nope.

40. How many days until your birthday?:
i don't wanna know.

41. When were you the saddest in your whole life?:
when i got a phone call driving to work on a feb 9th. and pretty much a couple of months after that.

45. What time is it?
9:42am

46. Do you use ebay, to buy or sell?
used it to buy a DnH CD that hasn't arrived yet!!! grrr.

47. What makes you pissed off?
annoying people. being taken advantaged of. people who hurt my friends!

48. Have you ever had a song written about you?
nope. but i've written many a song for others... including an instrumental :)

49. What song makes you cry?
balikbayan box, walang hanggang paalam, and hanggang sa muli (which i don't think i can ever listen to again, unless i'm with people who knows the importance and history of that song.)

50. What song makes you happy?
"i am but a small voice!" i have know clue what the real title is. sorry. but when i hear it, it just takes all my worries away.

51. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed?
anything from the pi... rock/rap/opm.

52. Do you have a job?
yup. gap.com. any of the main section stuff that has products in the kids section and customer service section i did it. also, i work on the flash stuff for our site, so if you see our new gap holiday tv ad with common, i programmed that into our website. imma geek. but it's a day job that funds my passion.

53. What does Your CD player have in it right now?
wala.

54. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
brown.

55. What makes you happy?
i just wrote a post about this! you'll find them under "thoughts to get me through..."

56. What's the next CD you're gonna get?
hmmm... i already got the deluxe edition of the dreamgirls movie soundtrack yesterday.


___APPEARANCE____


[Height:]
5ft 10in

[Hair Color:]
salt & pepper

[Skin color:]
browns

[Eye Color:]
brown

[Piercings:]
none

[Tattoos:]
not yet!!!

[wearing right now:]
hornet hat, white button down gap shirt, old navy brown jeans with a butas, champ shoes (vans imitation), socks.

[What song are you listening to?]
wala po, but i just listened to the sorry song by brian mcKnight. i read on a msg board that Martin Nievera taught him how to sing it.

[What taste is in your mouth?]
egg mcFolsom

[What's the weather like?]
icky

[How are you?]
bored

[Get motion sickness?]
you bet. i can't even look at the tea cups in disneyland.

[Have a bad habit?]
yup...

[Like to drive?]
yup, especially when i'm stressed out or depressed. longest i ever drove based on sadness was to san diego. glad that someone was there to "run" to.

Blah day in sf

Pitterings and patterings woke me up as drops of rain hit the skylight in my bathroom. Crap time to wake up. As you can see, my day started like most days in my head, in a fog. Tried to keep busy at work. It's kinda wierd being a "manager" now, but i'm kinda getting used to it. My staff of TWO, who are really awesome people, ask me questions now and again about stuff, and I tell them that I will follow up with the certain people, and even follow up before they tell me about their concern. I think i'm finally growing up. I've been given the opportunity to be a supervisor before, but i've always shunned the responsibilty with being School was my main focus and i didn't want it to be on work. It was just an excuse. I was thinking about it today during a little crisis, and just thought that if i had taken the lead spot at any of my old jobs then maybe i would've been a better manager today. but can't go back in time, so i'm just making do and learning as much as i can about taking responsibilty and trying to get my co-workers as involved as i am... and i'm lucky cuz they are proactive enough to do so. i'm kinda dreading when i have to do reports and recommend them for a raise and bonuses and stuff. gad i got old. now i know how michelle felt when i was her first employee under her when i first came in.


right now, i'm at an internet cafe called JavaRama on Park Street in Alameda. so cool, that i can now take a picture of something and then post it up on here! anyways, some blues music is playing overhead. i'm next to a window watching the cars go by. finally no rain! i'm glad that i moved here to alameda. it's not sac, but has it's own charm. anyways, i'm here to START A NEW PLAY/MUSICAL!!! not really start, since i first came up with the concept last May and I have the first 4 scenes handwritten, and the outline about complete. i have another one in the works, but this one's more for "entertainment" value. if the process for writing this is like the one i went through with "A Dream in the Garden of Memories" aka "Letting Go" then this is gonna be a long year. I'll write more when i get home. domo arigato gozaimasu.

One of Favorite Episodes of PDA

Last night was one of my favorite episodes of pda. *If you haven't seen the episode yet and plan to watch it consider this a spoiler.

The scholars were told that there would be a surprise guest coming later that evening, but they didn't tell them who. So to give them clues, they played a song by this guest artist... and they played... I am but a small voice! omg. i was jumping around in front of the tv! i still didn't know who it was. i thought it was a boy singing it. Turns out that it was Lea Salonga! When i was 16 - 18, and the first time i watched the "Making of Miss Saigon" VHS that I bought from a bookstore at the Barnyard in Carmel, and saw her face. I fell in love! then i heard her voice. oh boy. I think that it was the first time i ever saw a pinoy/pinay making it in the "mainstream" world. I did think it odd that she had an english accent though. And I remember when me and beej would talk about her, he loved her even more. Then he gave in to the tsismis of her being big-headed and he didn't like her anymore... and moved on to loving Regine. shoot. i did too.

doy... getting back to Lea. So fast forward... 15 years to last night she was on the show to give advise to the scholars. I learned a lot from her and her career. Turns out she was with them for 2 hours. Here's a synopsis of her discussion from the PDA website:

Soon after the last expulsion night, the scholars were surprised when internationally-known singer and theater actress Lea Salonga visited the Academy. Headmaster Jim was on hand to watch the proceedings but, like the scholars, couldn’t help asking a few questions himself. Lea herself was eager to impart some of the tricks of the trade she has learned after about 17 years in the music business, as well as answer all the questions the starstruck scholars were able to muster up; she even sang ‘On My Own’ for them.

“This is a very fickle business,” she advised. [If you have to start a rehearsal at 10am, you don't walk through the door at 10am. You have to be able to work and be awake AT 10AM!] “You can be fired for being late and not basically doing your job.” She also looked back at some 'flash-in-the-pan' musicians, and noted: “Being famous is not the hard part, (you’re already in a reality TV show); it’s staying there. Your job is to stay in people’s minds, in people’s hearts – that’s what you have to work for.”

She also told the students how some of the famous personalities she has encountered and worked with are, in her own words, “very undiva-ish.” She mentioned that people like Jonathan Price, Julie Andrews and Hugh Jackman (“He really is that handsome,” she added) all show up for rehearsals promptly, without assistants or alalays. This brought her to impart her own technique in dealing with arrogance brought about by fame: “Don’t believe a single word of adulation.” [She also said to not believe anything anyone tells you, like if you were amazing or if you were bad. Don't believe them. Be gracious and thank them, but in the back of your head keep telling yourself that you can ALWAYS get better. That there is always room for improvement. She also mentioned people like Sharon, Gary, and Martin as examples of artists who have kept a long career. She cited their professionalism.]

She also shared some info on how to get into character, how to deal with sudden drastic changes in performances (“I got used to memorizing a song in 20 minutes”), and complimented them on having teachers to give them technical voice lessons early in their career; a privilege she herself hasn’t experienced. Finally, she left the scholars with these words of advice: “Be punctual, be respectful, be disciplined, be professional (your lifestyle must complement your work), and put your heart into it. This is the best freakin’ job in the world!” [She said that in every performance, you have to think of it as like the best food in the world, and sink your teeth into it, like a big piece of Crispy Pata! Love what you do that much!]

=======

her visit was really inpirational and educational to me. if you don't like her for her "personality", you have to respect her for following her dream and her determination for being in the business. as i say, you can't hate on anyone if they've actually DONE IT!

check her out on PDA on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFXVdrkfh6s (this is part 1 of 4, but you can navigate from there.)

ciao

thoughts to get me through...

i'm in a good place. really. i know that for the last couple of months i've been looking at the past and wishing i could relive some of what happened, but now... i'm looking at my future. and i'm excited about what lies in front of me. what new adventures will come my way. what new friends i'll make. so, instead of trying to recapture the past, i remember them fondly because i'm just lucky to have had those times and the friends, family and loved ones that make those moments special. here are a couple of them.

- the tropa trip to great america. gad we were so young then. i didn't even think about it until i saw my balikbayan box partner post a pict of us in a TROPA pose near the merry-go-round.

- when my mom told my dad to get a 13 piece bucket of chicken from kfc and he came home with 13 boxes of 2 piece chicken meals. oh dad! we had kfc for 2 straight weeks!

- going to disneyland and seeing the firework that looked like a real shooting star! felt like a little kid again.

- singing my proposal in front of the palace of fine arts. i don't care how it turned out, it's just that at that specific "moment in time" when everything stopped - and i knew what real love is. at least, i know... and i remember.

- driving away from a gas pump at the shell in rosemont... with the pump nozzle still in my gas tank! OMG! i just died. bitoy was with me in his car and all i heard was his laughing at me! OMG! all i did was take out the nozzle (it automatically shut off) and put it by the pump and take off. that was so funny! beej never let me forget that!

- oh... still with beej. when we were following MM and the tinikling poles fell out of his pickup and we stopped traffic on the corner of florin and 56th? to pick them up. and then this fool in a car took one of the poles and sped off! craziness.

- snowdays in elementary school when my dad was stationed in tacoma washington.

- watching gary with bitoy for his birthday. and probably more than that, the drive to cache creek and back. we said a lot to each other that needed to be said and glad that we had the opportunity to do so.

- playing around at yerba buena gardens after an ST performance there. i'm so glad that sis had it all on tape. real good times!

- ice skating with the tropas.

- ice skating with michelle and her family. gad i kept falling! so sad, but funny.

- waving at my aunt as she drove away as i walked forehead first into a lightpole! such a dork!

- seeing freedom prisoner #1 in MS w/ DLOC and cayote as a japanese "samurai" in the sierra foothills. i guess more proud than masaya.

- hearing "i am but a small voice..." :)

- sitting in a seat in an empty theater at sac state after my pcn with sp. i could still hear the laughter over a line i wrote. it was right there where i knew wanted to be a writer.

- people coming up to me after i acted in another pcn and saying how much they liked me/my character. they liked how i made them laugh.

- going to FACES and having the time of my life! no cares in the world, and when JT came on, just losing it. i think i just danced with anything that moved. talagang crazy! i swear, i wasn't even tipsy! just high on life at the time.

- hanging out with my "Walls" cast in the dressing room during the play and watching scenes unfold on the tv on top of a cabinet.

- playing football with kids in the neighborhood in washington at 9pm. light was still up.

- the 49ers when they were good!

- asking jennifer o'hara to be my first girlfriend on a bus trip back from a football game in milpitas. i played trumpet, she played the flute. so young! so band geeky!

- christmas caroling with sinag-tala and eating at every house!

- watching gary v. from the front row :)

- riding a log ride with my lil cousins, kristin and karen, at the mgm in las vegas. i swear we rode it like 15 times in a row.

- singing "My Honda My Honda" with Aljohn during Halina at the 2003 ST show.

- when 2 of my best friends convinced me to get an extra pair of sketcher flip-flops from the sketcher outlet in SD just because i can get that pair half off after buying another pair at regular price. i caved. i love those flip-flops still! i'm so influential. go ahead, conrad! it's only half off! get it. get it! hehe.

- getting into a zone when i used to run. felt like i could run forever.

- snorkling in palawan. the water was so fresh and the fish were so colorful and unafraid. it felt like heaven.

- christmas with the balderama clan.


well this list can seem like it can go on forever, and it gives me hope. a lot of it. if i was able to come up with these many things in the first half of my life, just imagine what i can come up with the rest of my existence. if you're feeling down, just try and come up with a list like this to know that the good times have outweighed the bad ones... it has to.

feeling blessed. g'nyt!

My Shrine at Work.

So here's like this shrine i made at work. i'm totally going to be adding more to it. at the bottom left, i have this "award" for helping out with Gap's (Product) RED campaign. I put a picture of 2 of my lil sisters in the award's frame. Miss Gigi Van Tran with her NIECE! :) (earlier i wrote cousin, and i have no idea why? i'm old. i still remember when she was a youngin' ha. then i saw her one day at marine world. and then she said she was her NIECE. i was like wha... anyways. sori.) I kept this picture with me all the years that I was away from Sac. and xLe :) below them is a pict that my co-worker made for me. it has a Hiro and Charley posing together at her birthday. That Hiro! He was only supposed to teleport himself to the day before, but no, he overshot it by 6 months. next to that i have a picture of the tropas outside of LaiWa after our gala show in 2003. I think that's where i first met BJ's friends. I remember when I yelled at BJ for something as we were driving back to my place. That Boy! above that next to the Red stuff is another picture of Bitoy, our NAG, My Friar, Loud Voice, Troubled one, Ate M, and Bento... on stage. then a playbill of RENT! my favorite musical of all time. Seen it 21 times and this was from that time with my best friends :)

i guess that's all. bye.

Picts from the Parol Latern Festival

here's a cool jeepney the that Filipino Community Center made. It was pretty unique. Jeff and Beej would've liked it. Hmmm... i didn't see Jason there, but I saw Chris and Mike.

Oh, this parol was kewl. it was made from a whole bunch of 35mm slides put together of san francisco locations. way cool and imaginative. Naks Ganda!

While this group perfomed, I kinda wished that ST performed there as well. Just to share in the diwa ng bayanihan. Did I say that right?

These were the people from my last blog. They were so cute. They started off by singing Ang Pasko Ay Sumapit, and then some other song. They kept saying Merry Christmas. So happy!

ang pasko ay sumapit...

phewie that it rained today in the city by the bay! i was really looking forward to marching through the couple of blocks of sf to yerba buena with the parol i made. well half made, someone else started it. i'm so not only in the christmas spirit but in the filipino community spirit.

because of the rain, the parol parade was cancelled, but the contest and festival continued at the bayanihan center. it was so fun! the only people i knew was the ones i've met through bindlestiff and all the people that i've met through bj. it was really good seeing all of them. i was really proud of how everyone came together. it felt like a real community. something i honestly didn't know i could feel after being in a place like sac. in sac.. well, it's more like family since a lot of the people in that community have lived there for a very long time and knows each other very well. sometimes too well. and i don't want to assume that the community here in sf is different since i don't know them, yet. but it was just really nice to see a community come together in a positive atmosphere as it was tonite.

oh, before i forget, i broke one of uncle sonny's rules and waved at someone from the stage. i actually didn't care because i hella miss this woman to def! i didn't really get to talk to her that much, just a quick hug hello and a very very real, "i love you." but it was hella crazy in that room and i just wanted to savor those moments that i spent with that community. was really beautiful.

the parols were awesome. i took a couple of pictures and i just sent it through my phone so hopefully it'll get here soon. i really like ours "the 'stiff's" parol. it was white, but once you turn on the lights, there are images of mga kamay that are visible. a lot of them in different gestures (no middle fingers!) but as explained by someone, that they are a symbol of all the hands that have voluteered their time to bindlestiff. :) i'm feeling positive about my involvment, well upcoming involvment with them. one of bj's bandmates came up and talked to me about a proposition that i'd like to take up. mums the word until something happens. we'll see.


i just tried to soak all of this newness in. new city. new community. new friends. just everything. oh, they also were giving away food! wha wha? yup. volunteers were going around with trays of pan de sals asking if we'd like some. so mabait! then i heard that ong pin donated food like empanadas and chicken soup! omg the soup was good and hit the spot on this cold blustery evening in the filipino heart of the soma. spoke to so many people that i haven't seen in a while. all are doing well which is nice to see.

in a surprising turn of events, each group had to do a presentation. we've been practicing for a while, but unfortunately, we didn't know that we had to sing, so the crew that i've been singing with had already left, leaving me with me and bryan. luckily tj was there, but then all these other bindlestiff players came along and helped out with the song. i was just glad to help out. i didn't mention that i just finished 3 shows with sinag-tala (which i did wear my st 2005 shirt up on stage to represent!) the week earlier. but when we were rehearsing at the studio, some mentioned being nervous. which was good in a way, but i've seen these same amazing people on stage before and i think their nerves would have calmed down in front of a crowd. in short, we did our thing and had a good time performing although only one song. i haven't mentioned that i've been performing for so long and with the training i got from st that i'm prepared to perform at the drop of a hat, but i dont want to be like that. just keep it humble you know and to keep remembering that anytime i step out in front of a crowd to act or sing, i'm representing da tropas and sinag-tala, cuz i wouldn't be even able to get up here had it not been for them in the first place! never forget where you come from is what i'm sayin'!

this post is over, but i have another thought marinating that's about to burst any second now...

hi

so it's kinda wild that someone from around the world would even take a gander at my spot, but if you're from seattle or from malaysia even drop a note and say hi. u can reach me at tropa23@uptil3.com. if not then that's cool too.

i'm using google's analytic tracker to see where people are visiting from. i don't exactly who is visiting, but it just gives me where in the world they are connecting from. right now i have EIGHT COUNTRIES viewing my blog. i'm especially stoked about Malaysia and the PI (cubao). in a way, it makes me feel like i am going to these different cities all over the world. yeah, i'm a bit wierd like that and i do let my imagination run wild at times, but that's just me. and in this place, i get to be the real me. take it easy, and ciao.

Not letting go...

I don't want to let go of the part of me that i really like... and miss. This is from a scene from a play i'm writing called "A Dance in the Garden of Memories" aka "Letting Go" aka some other title that i'll come up with in the next couple of minutes. this is my favorite scene because it includes the LAST song i ever wrote for someone and sang it for... peace and hopefully many more songs to come.

===========


(slow jam music starts to play)

LISA
I can't believe that seven years have gone by already. Thank you.

R.J.
Right back at 'cha. (pause) You know, I just realized that this is how we first met… with us dancing.

(Music fades out)

R.J.
Lisa, I just wanted to let you know that these years with you have been the greatest of my life. We started out as kids in college with no money, and now as adults… still with no money… but we'll get there… and I want to make sure that it's together.

(R.J. sings)
DEAR, DO YOU WONDER
WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TEN YEARS FROM NOW?
CUZ I OFTEN DO

THERE, WE WOULD BE
TOGETHER YOU AND ME
WAKING UP IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS

AND IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST
DREAM COME TRUE FOR ME
IF ONLY YOU'D SAY YES TO

(RYAN gets down on one knee and opens a box with THE RING.)

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

(Speechless, LISA just nods her head “Yes” and he puts the ring on her finger. They kiss and hug.)

RYAN
(Offstage V.O. through the walkie-talkie)
Dude, what'd she say?

(LISA Picks up the walkie-talkie)

LISA
She said, yes!

RYAN AND MOON
(Offstage)
Whoo-hoo! Yes!


MOON
(Offstage)
Ha! You owe me 10 bucks!

(“Celebration” by Kool and the Gang is faded in as the Lights fade out.)

RYAN
(V.O.)
This is for R.J. and Lisa - the newly engaged couple. See ya at the wedding!

Being honest.

do i believe in love? in terms of romantic love. i guess i do. i mean i have friends in love. friends engaged even. but for me? i don't know anymore. is it even possible that all my love is gone? the only thing left inside this shell is a hallow black... nah. i can't go there. i refuse to go there!

i have to believe that i am a good person. i mess up a lot. granted. my people skills are lacking, to a point. sometimes it'd be best if i just shut up. but that wouldn't be me. i'm tired of not saying anything. this is my blog and UNFORTUNATELY sometimes the only place where i can feel free to be honest. gad. why? why is this the only place where i can vent? why do i go in circles with this duplicitous nature of hating myself one minute and feeling proud of being able to say what's on my mind the next.

one thing i've been searching for since i moved to this blogspot was to somehow find my voice and stand by everything i say and take the consequences for what i've said here and take responsibility for it. i am. and will continue to do so. if one day i write something bad about an organization or a person, than that's my feelings. that's the way i feel. i don't want to hold anything back. i really felt bad for someone when one of their blogs was exposed and she got so much shit for it. she was just saying how she felt. unfortunately, what she said HURT a lot of people. including me. but, it's done and what she put out there is out there. but it's on her blog. this is a place where, if one wishes to, should be able to say what ever a person wants to say and if there are reprecussions for BEING HONEST than that person should take responsibility for BEING HONEST!

So when does being honest in this forum become a crime? well, it does so when you can't say what you write here in front of someone's face. i'll respect someone even more if they tell me straight up that they don't like me than finding it out from a friend of a friend from their myspace blog. i'll still have to ask what's up, and find out what i did or didn't do to make this person hate me. and then move on from there, and act like adults.

for what it's worth... i'm sorry. i personally didn't realize how much it affected me. i guess it did and i FINALLY realize that now. tapos na!

Boycott Hamburger Marys in Sac!!!

Got this from friend. Punks! Please support and repost everywhere!

Last night, 12/06/06 at 10:00 p.m., my good friend and co-worker Evelyn Mendez and I were walking from the Piano Bar (J & 16th Streets) to my car in hopes to go home from a nice day to evening agency Holiday celebration. En route to my car parked in front of the Streets of London (J & 18th Streets), a man (or lack there of) accosted both Evelyn and I in front of Hamburger Mary's (J & 16th Streets). As we passed him and his 2 friends, he called us "Whores, whores, everyone whores!" Both Evelyn and ignored him and kept walking. However, he increasingly got aggressive and continued to call us and yell "whores," even when we already clearly crossed the street, about 1/2 a block away from him. He did not stop and continued to shout to us "whores, whores!"

Well,
as we all know, I am NO PUNK BITCH to get disrespected in any way. And yes my Cardenas temper came out instinctively. I turned around and said, "What MF?" Amongst a whole slew of profane names and I walked back toward him. He started to taunt me and call us "stupid ignorant bitches!" I exchanged more words by saying, "You don't disrespect women that way." Then, he swung at me and I ducked and punched him in his left eye (and by the way his hat flung off of him when I socked him!) At this point, his 2 friends walked away, one of which was a male and didn't even stop his friend from hitting females. Then Evelyn jumped in and he grabbed her and threw her to the ground. I grabbed him back and he swung at me again (and missed). Then 2 of our other co-workers were walking to their car and saw what was going on and jumped in. Our male co-worker grabbed this guy pushed him against the wall and told him, "you don't hit
women with closed fist!" Evelyn and I got in a few more licks at this point. Then some how he broke free but I grabbed him by his shirt that ripped and he ran into Hamburger Mary's. The owner of Hamburger Mary's locked the door, shut off the lights and put the closed sign up. We called the cops and 5 minutes later, the owner came outside and said he called the cops and we should go away. I told the owner, "if he is a patron to your business and he's drunk, you have a legal responsibility to him." He clearly was not hearing our story and concealed the punk bitch inside. The cops (SAC PD) finally came and talked to all parties individually and basically stated that it's our word against his and that we can file a citizens arrests, we all go to court and the judge may dismiss it. Basically, the cops (SAC PD) stated it was a hopeless cause. At this point, most of our co-workers were outside looking for this guy. The cops had to escort the punk out of Hamburger Mary's to a cab to leave.

I am outraged by the mere fact that Hamburger Mary's allowed a man to assault women in front of their establishment and then conceal him. And most importantly take no responsibility. Clearly there are more details and underlying reasons as to why both the cops and Hamburger Mary's would not help us. I believe that the owner knew the cops and is the same reason why the cops were so quick to dismiss our story. Both Evelyn and I have no recourse or feel nothing but injustice from a once respectable establishment and the authorities.

I ask you please to do one simple thing so that both Evelyn and I feel some justice has been served. BOYCOTT Hamburger Mary's! It blows
my mind that an establishment owned by a man of the gay community (a minority group) would allow violence onto another minority group of that women. Please pass this email to all your friends in Sacramento. I really appreciate it! THANK YOU!

Edlynn

serenaded a girl. check.

i can't figure females out. i mentioned that i've serenaded to a woman a while ago and i get laughed at (maybe a little exagerated - cant spell) but when my ex mentioned to some other girls that i sang to her in a parking lot in front of century 22 on winchester in san jose, she told me that they loved that i did that for her. looking back 11 or 12 years later, i should have kept that fricken keyboard in the car. now one of my lil sisters says that she wishes that someone would write a song and sing it to her. i've done this... and has it gotten me anywhere??? NOOOO....

i'm so bad. i wrote this song for my first girlfriend when i was 16:

something magic's in the air
something in your eyes
somewhere out there you're for me
but you took me by surprise
when you look at me

you look at me
it's as soft as any touch can be
and suddenly
there's magic when you look at me

blah, blah, blah

oh... and here's one of the songs I WROTE AND SANG in front of her WHOLE FAMILY for my last girlfriend, Michelle:

PROMISE
by tropa23

whenever i'm near you
my heart skips a beat every time
when i look in your eyes
i can't fight what i feel inside

chorus:
so give me your hand
give me your heart
and i'll give you all i've got

i'll give you my mind
i'll give you my soul
i'll promise to never let you go

we always laugh
we always share
and when you're sad
you know i will be there

to pick you up
and spin you around
i love you too much
to let you down

bridge:
i can't explain this power that you have gotten over me
but whatever it is i've fallen for you head over feet

chorus:
so give me your hand
give me your heart
and i'll give you all i've got

i'll give you my mind
i'll give you my soul
i'll promise to never let you go

blah. blah. blah. thank you for allowing me to bare my soul to you. please don't laugh too hard at me. i thought i was being romantic. at the VERY least i can check this off of my life's list: serenaded a girl. check.

before turning in...

If you don't go for your dreams, then someone else will...

how the above quote is so true! kinda the root of jealousy, but at the same time, it's up to you to decide what you want, how you want to pursue it, and one you have it, how hard are you willing to work to keep it. i'm still not where i want to be, but if i keep telling myself how bad i want it, it'll happen. it has to.

better turn in. i'll always right more later.

o sige. tulog na!

a review

why not...

from The Wily Filipino (http://www.thewilyfilipino.com/blog/archives/000768.html) blog:

Play number 3 -- the tense and well-acted "Borders," written by Conrad Panganiban -- nicely pulls the carpet from underneath the audience; the real trick here is not the dialogue, but the way the subdued emotional content of the acting suddenly makes a sharp, effective pivot into creepy territory.

hehe. thanks!

how cool

i just did a report on my blog and someone from the QC in the PI has seen my blog! write me if this is you! so cool! thanks!

an excrutiatingly LONG survey

1) Are you in a complicated relationship?
nope

2) Do you hate more than 3 people?
more than 3... nope

3) How many houses have you lived in?
uno

4) Favorite candy bar?
snickers

where's 5!!!???

6) Have you ever tripped someone?
maybe in middle school... do they still have middle school or is it just jr. high now?

7) Least favorite school subject?
english... but i love to write

8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5 i think

9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD?
interestingly enough, i don't

10) Have you ever thrown up in public?
yes... the most public was at a basketball game, sac state v. uc davis. bag broke over the tuba and trombone player....

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind.
i'm so random. many thoughts are always on my mind

12) Favorite genre of music?
everything...

13) What is your zodiac sign?
peices, i don't know how to spell

14) What time were you born?
so long ago i forgot

15) Do you like beer?
yeah. acquired taste i guess

16) Have you made a prank phone call?
don't remember

17) What is the most embarassing CD you own?
i'm not embarrased about anythhing i listen to

18) Are you sarcastic?
are you sarcastic?

19) What are your favorite color(s)?
i've made the transition to loving BROWN!!!

20) How many watches do you own?
2

21) Summer or winter?
summer

23) Favorite Color To Wear ?
brown, blue, black

24) Pepsi or Sprite?
diet pepsi

26) Where is your second home?
sacramento

27) Have you ever slapped someone?
no

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?
1

30) How many video games do you own?
15 i think

31) What was your first pet?
not really mine, but a dog

32) What's up?
nuthin' much

33) Do looks matter?
looks matter on the inside.

34) Do you use chapstick?
no, but i should

35) What is your favorite subject?
band, jazz, orchestra, acting

36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?
neither... shop gap... keep me employed

37) Are you too forgiving?
yes... my tragic flaw

38) How many children do you want?
3

39) Do you own anything from Hot Topic?
yes

40) Favorite breakfast meal?
longsilog

44) What did you do 2 nights ago?
i think i just crashed... but all the days are a blur. glad/sad that last week is over, though

45) Been to the Olive Garden?
yuppers

46) Have you ever called your teacher mom?
nope

47) Have you ever been in a castle?
nope

48) Nicknames?
kuya, con, c, rad, c-rad, bro

49) Do you know anyone named Bertha?
oooo.... nope

50) Ever been to Kentucky?
i actually want to one day

51) Do you own something from Banana Republic?
yup! 50% off baby!

52) Are you thinking about somebody right now?
yup. all in sac and one in san diego!

53) Ever call somebody Boo?
nope... pooh, yess :)

55) Do you own a diamond ring?
gave it back... mistake? maybe, cuz i coulda used it as a prop for my next play!

56) Are you happy with your life right now?
not really.

57) Do you like your hair?
nope

58) Does anyone have a crush on you?
nope :(

60) What were you doing in May of 1994?
writing, directing, and acting in cal state sac's PCN!!!

61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
yes

62) McDonalds or Wendys?
wendy's. i like the chili... finger and all!

63) Do you like yourself?
getting there

64) Are you closer to your mother or father?
mom

65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex?
hair... i'm a sucker for shoulder length straight hair

66) Are you afraid of the dark?
not so much

67) Have you ever eaten paste?
sure why not... with bagoong

68) Do you own a webcam?
nope

69) Have you ever stripped?
nope... no

70) Ever broken a bone?
yes

72) Do you chat on AIM often?
no one

73) Pringles or Lays?
the pringles

74) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
i don't know. i really don't know... you'd have to ask her

75) Full house or The Brady Bunch?
brady bunch, but only cuz i like to watch it with my lil sis since she's seen like every episode

77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
i don't think i've talked to my counselor that much

78) Has anyone ever called you a tease?
hmm.. nope

79) Do you have a birth mark?
yes

81) Can you cook?
yup

82) 3 things that annoy you:
people who mess around when they should be rehearsing correctly, when certain people don't call/text/email me back, work

83) Do you text message often?
yup...

84) Money or love?
always love

85) Do you have any scars?
yup

86) What do you want more than anything?
to have my play be produced and do really well

87) Do you enjoy scary movies?
yup

88) Relationships or one night stands?
relationships

89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit?:
big red

90) Do you enjoy greasy food?
not really, i'm starting to feel the grease in my blood vessels

91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
YES!!!

92) Do you own a box of crayons?
not currently

93) Ever had sex in a public place?
....

94) Who was the last person that said "I love you" to you?
ma... auntie... bri (but i don't think he heard me)... xLe always... fem on her voicemail

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh?
bindlestiff folks!

98) Who was the last person that texted you?
my lil sis, the NAG!

99) Who was the last person that called you?
ma

100) what is your cell phone company?
cingular

at least that killed some time.