Being honest.

do i believe in love? in terms of romantic love. i guess i do. i mean i have friends in love. friends engaged even. but for me? i don't know anymore. is it even possible that all my love is gone? the only thing left inside this shell is a hallow black... nah. i can't go there. i refuse to go there!

i have to believe that i am a good person. i mess up a lot. granted. my people skills are lacking, to a point. sometimes it'd be best if i just shut up. but that wouldn't be me. i'm tired of not saying anything. this is my blog and UNFORTUNATELY sometimes the only place where i can feel free to be honest. gad. why? why is this the only place where i can vent? why do i go in circles with this duplicitous nature of hating myself one minute and feeling proud of being able to say what's on my mind the next.

one thing i've been searching for since i moved to this blogspot was to somehow find my voice and stand by everything i say and take the consequences for what i've said here and take responsibility for it. i am. and will continue to do so. if one day i write something bad about an organization or a person, than that's my feelings. that's the way i feel. i don't want to hold anything back. i really felt bad for someone when one of their blogs was exposed and she got so much shit for it. she was just saying how she felt. unfortunately, what she said HURT a lot of people. including me. but, it's done and what she put out there is out there. but it's on her blog. this is a place where, if one wishes to, should be able to say what ever a person wants to say and if there are reprecussions for BEING HONEST than that person should take responsibility for BEING HONEST!

So when does being honest in this forum become a crime? well, it does so when you can't say what you write here in front of someone's face. i'll respect someone even more if they tell me straight up that they don't like me than finding it out from a friend of a friend from their myspace blog. i'll still have to ask what's up, and find out what i did or didn't do to make this person hate me. and then move on from there, and act like adults.

for what it's worth... i'm sorry. i personally didn't realize how much it affected me. i guess it did and i FINALLY realize that now. tapos na!