ready... set... go!

a million thoughts race.

i've been pushed to the point that i have almost no options left. it's so weird to be between pissed off/raging fucking mad and ashamed of myself.

back up 2 days. long story short, my team has been informed of some last minute changes/edits that will need to be done in a couple of days, and assessing my resources, i think that we'll be in good shape to turn the requests around in a timely manner. so after deciding this, i update my manager about this and then instead of, "thanks. you handled that well." she goes, "why didn't you tell them no?" "because after discussing this with my team, we can make the changes." "you still could have said no. DON'T YOU HAVE COURAGE?"

i didn't know what to say. i just said, we can handle the request. it's a business decision and it isn't rocket science. SO UNCALLED FOR. so tomorrow i'll go into hr and talk to them about this incident. unfortunately, this isn't the first time that she has demeaned me or others. i feel bad for not FIRING back at her, but if i had, maybe she will think twice about hurting me, but it WON'T STOP HER from doing it to someone else.

i was seriously considering quitting my job, but the fire's started, and i'm not going anywhere. i like my job. i like my business partners. i ain't going anywhere, but i won't work like this. i value my work, my co-workers, my company, and ME way too much to take this or any shit from anyone. i don't need courage, when i can fight back! bullshit, i ain't leaving - at least not without a fight.

i am a nice person. true, nice to a fault. but i'm not going to change. i'm not going to be mean. i like who i am, and i hope that others like me for who i am. but what is happening, is that i'm growing. i'm adding another facet to me - that i like and i need to be.