thoughts to get me through...

i'm in a good place. really. i know that for the last couple of months i've been looking at the past and wishing i could relive some of what happened, but now... i'm looking at my future. and i'm excited about what lies in front of me. what new adventures will come my way. what new friends i'll make. so, instead of trying to recapture the past, i remember them fondly because i'm just lucky to have had those times and the friends, family and loved ones that make those moments special. here are a couple of them.

- the tropa trip to great america. gad we were so young then. i didn't even think about it until i saw my balikbayan box partner post a pict of us in a TROPA pose near the merry-go-round.

- when my mom told my dad to get a 13 piece bucket of chicken from kfc and he came home with 13 boxes of 2 piece chicken meals. oh dad! we had kfc for 2 straight weeks!

- going to disneyland and seeing the firework that looked like a real shooting star! felt like a little kid again.

- singing my proposal in front of the palace of fine arts. i don't care how it turned out, it's just that at that specific "moment in time" when everything stopped - and i knew what real love is. at least, i know... and i remember.

- driving away from a gas pump at the shell in rosemont... with the pump nozzle still in my gas tank! OMG! i just died. bitoy was with me in his car and all i heard was his laughing at me! OMG! all i did was take out the nozzle (it automatically shut off) and put it by the pump and take off. that was so funny! beej never let me forget that!

- oh... still with beej. when we were following MM and the tinikling poles fell out of his pickup and we stopped traffic on the corner of florin and 56th? to pick them up. and then this fool in a car took one of the poles and sped off! craziness.

- snowdays in elementary school when my dad was stationed in tacoma washington.

- watching gary with bitoy for his birthday. and probably more than that, the drive to cache creek and back. we said a lot to each other that needed to be said and glad that we had the opportunity to do so.

- playing around at yerba buena gardens after an ST performance there. i'm so glad that sis had it all on tape. real good times!

- ice skating with the tropas.

- ice skating with michelle and her family. gad i kept falling! so sad, but funny.

- waving at my aunt as she drove away as i walked forehead first into a lightpole! such a dork!

- seeing freedom prisoner #1 in MS w/ DLOC and cayote as a japanese "samurai" in the sierra foothills. i guess more proud than masaya.

- hearing "i am but a small voice..." :)

- sitting in a seat in an empty theater at sac state after my pcn with sp. i could still hear the laughter over a line i wrote. it was right there where i knew wanted to be a writer.

- people coming up to me after i acted in another pcn and saying how much they liked me/my character. they liked how i made them laugh.

- going to FACES and having the time of my life! no cares in the world, and when JT came on, just losing it. i think i just danced with anything that moved. talagang crazy! i swear, i wasn't even tipsy! just high on life at the time.

- hanging out with my "Walls" cast in the dressing room during the play and watching scenes unfold on the tv on top of a cabinet.

- playing football with kids in the neighborhood in washington at 9pm. light was still up.

- the 49ers when they were good!

- asking jennifer o'hara to be my first girlfriend on a bus trip back from a football game in milpitas. i played trumpet, she played the flute. so young! so band geeky!

- christmas caroling with sinag-tala and eating at every house!

- watching gary v. from the front row :)

- riding a log ride with my lil cousins, kristin and karen, at the mgm in las vegas. i swear we rode it like 15 times in a row.

- singing "My Honda My Honda" with Aljohn during Halina at the 2003 ST show.

- when 2 of my best friends convinced me to get an extra pair of sketcher flip-flops from the sketcher outlet in SD just because i can get that pair half off after buying another pair at regular price. i caved. i love those flip-flops still! i'm so influential. go ahead, conrad! it's only half off! get it. get it! hehe.

- getting into a zone when i used to run. felt like i could run forever.

- snorkling in palawan. the water was so fresh and the fish were so colorful and unafraid. it felt like heaven.

- christmas with the balderama clan.


well this list can seem like it can go on forever, and it gives me hope. a lot of it. if i was able to come up with these many things in the first half of my life, just imagine what i can come up with the rest of my existence. if you're feeling down, just try and come up with a list like this to know that the good times have outweighed the bad ones... it has to.

feeling blessed. g'nyt!