another quarter for lucy...

so i listen to adam corolla in the morning cuz i miss listening to him on love lines... of which, i remember the first day he was on the show with dr. drew cuz ricky rackman got into rehab.

at any rate, a discussion that came on the air was in terms of giving advice. he claims that he sucks at it because he was never given advice as a kid. basically, as he says, his parents never really cared to give him any useful advice and just through him out into the world to figure things out for himself. and from his own "work" ethic, he's done a pretty good job of getting through life by figuring things out on his own.

shift the spotlight on me. i wish that i can give advice. like adam, my parents never really gave me advice in the ways of the world. i mean some advice is like: "save your money." uh... "if you don't take good care of your car then you can't go anywhere." like "your car is your life. if it breaks down, then you won't have either." of course, this logic doesn't hold any water in san francisco where most everyone who lives in the city takes muni or bart everywhere. but i do wish i had someone i could've turned to when i was younger. therein lies my lack of advice - in getting... and giving.

so i suck at it. at the same time, i'm scared of giving bad advice too. all i do have is my own personal life experience. like if someone i love, like if any of my lil sisters is having a tough time getting through something, i don't know what to say most of the time. i just feel so inadequate as a KUYA when i can't give any advice, and the only thing i can give is just to let them know that i'm there for them.

right now, i'm in a great place, cuz i do have a friend who's EXCELLENT at giving advice. she says it in a way that doesn't feel like she's scolding you with "You HAVE to do this or HAVE to not do this." more like a supportive, you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. i hope that when i do have children, i will be able to be the parent that i will be able to know what to say by then.

balancing act

feeling inadequate at work. i go through different stints at work. one minute, i feel like i'm in total control of handling my website. i'm communicating and troubleshooting stuff everyday with the many different teams and people - i feel like i know what i'm doing. but then there are the times when i question - what the hell am i doing here? my self-confidence is shot down by snooty nerds. isn't that an oxymoron. in a weird way, it's a good thing cuz it's keeping me from being something that i've been at almost every job that i've ever had - bored. i know that i've posted my job history in a blog somewhere, but i've had MANY JOBS! been working since i was 15. and every job i've had, if i've been there long enough, i'd always get bored about 6 months into the job. but with this job, i've been so challenged with so much. and to this end, these past two years have swept by in a blink. just taking it day by day.

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had lunch with a dear friend last sunday. caught up on a lot of things, but there was one thing i told her that disappointed me. it's getting my script read. it's been collecting dust for the last month. excuses have been piling up and i really need to get some shit done.

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this post sucks. haven't revealed anything of substance. need to get back into writing. that was fun. need to get back into writing in here everyday. i try to do it at work, but just too busy. after work - my cardio time. night - cardio gets me sleepy and tired. so looks like this is the only time to clear my mind. ulk! 6am journal time, i guess.

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i've recently gotten into some awesome tv shows: 24 and Rome. i LOVE these shows! i started watching 24, but it's hard for me to watch this seasons, because the story line refers to some stuff that happened in the past, which i feel cheated cuz i need to know what happened to move on, but i don't wanna stop this season. luckily, they have 24 on itunes and i've downloaded season 1 and i'm getting to know everyone and i love the storyline. i'm watching 2-3 episodes a day. but still sux to be lost. just means that i have to watch and get caught up faster. luckily, the show is SO GOOD that i need to watch the show anyways! Jack Bauer is a Hero! one question though: what do the other people who work for the CTU, the people in the background, what do they do? it feels like only 2-4 people do the work in there who give real information, but what about the others. i could be an extra on that show and sit at a desk, get up, hand a piece of paper to another extra, and sit back down. ok?

Rome. The Bandit first told me about this show which picqued my interest, and then i read an article about the best tv shows for this coming seasons and Rome was one of them. Luckily, they had the episodes on OnDemand. so in one day i watched the first 4 episodes, and i was immediately hooked! i think what captures me the most is the characters. each character has their own motive for doing what they do. very straight-forward. very STRONG! so im hooked.

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maybe it's a mistake to try and write at 6 in the morning. sluggish commentary that doesn't make sense. kinda like paula abdul doing the interviews for the new season of ai!


crappy post. but needed to write. and keep writing. i'm so sorry if you got to this point in the post :( it'll get better!

interesting "survey"

i took these questions from the Headmaster's blog:

1. Which five historical figures, dead or alive, would you would like to have dinner with?

a) Jesus Christ. Even though I've read the bible, and I've taken these words as truth, I'd love to be transported back to follow him and hear His word from Him.

b) Bill Clinton. Despite all the bad things that surround him, I feel like he has been the greatest president while I have been alive. He made so many things happen and he had a way of making others feel like they can do the same to bring about change.

c) Ferdinand Marcos. What made this person tick? How did he become the dicatator that millions of people hated and more adored. I recently read an article that interviewed his daughter and i'd like to meet Marcos the man and compare him to what most have called a tyrant.

d) Mayor Willie Brown. I'd love to find out how he managed people. He has a swagger about him, but also the political clout that changed this city that i love.

e) Dalai Lama. I would love to gather insights from this man. Not only to solve the mystery of Life, but also his different perspective of life.


2. What would you rather experience: two hours onboard a real alien ship or an equal amount of time with real live dinosaurs?
I guess I'm more of a realist, so I'll go with the dinosaurs. To see like real life brontosauri (plural) would be crazy! of course, those daymn velociraptor and t-rexes would scare the hell outta me! but you never know what to expect from aliens... unless they looked like jessica alba and vanessa manillo.


3. Who would you rather meet? Jose Rizal or all four of the Beatles?
In a heartbeat, Jose Rizal! I'd ask him what he would do with the country today? What direction he would take his fellow country men? How much did he care for the poor and the rich? It'd just be a better conversation with this man than with the Fab Four. But that's me.


4. Name five vampy, sexy personalities you would like to have dinner with.
"vampy?!" I'm just listin' names: jessica alba, vanessa manillo, vanessa del bianco, evangeline lily, and kelly hu!


5. Name off-beat, flamboyant characters, dead or alive, you would like to meet.
mark antony (from Roman times, not the one married to J.Lo), Prince, T.O. (but that'd be to slap him), Madonna, and Effie White!


6. If you could choose any job in the world, what would it be?
I'd love to be a tour guide. It'd combine my two favorite loves, travel and talking to people - even though I am INCREDIBLY SHY! but the difference is being in a group and being in front of a group, which this situation would be. I'll leave the performing to those who can... and to those that i am very very proud of!

Imma Slippin'!

sorry! i used to be so good at keeping this journal up. but in my defense, the times that i have devoted to writing in this have been replaced by... sleeping! just going to sleep earlier that's all. but it's a good sleep. so far i have lost 13 lbs! the routine is that when i get home from work, i have a 30 minute window until my sister comes home. so during that time i go out into the frosty air for a run, or do some cardio at home with the help of exercise tv on demand, or play some ddr. next thing to get is guitar hero since the last time i played it i got a hella workout. then again i was playing it with my guitar hero super buddy. i can't believe how hot we got! daymn!

so it's been pretty busy this past week with all the birthdays goin around! party everynight! HAPPY BIRTHDAY to two of my Lil Sisters, of whom I love with all my heart! It's so funny cuz when i think of them, they were the FIRST to ever call me Kuya. ulk. that was almost 12 years ago, when they were still in high school. wow... just took a trip, actually more of a journey, down memory lane with them and everybody. good times. good times.

gettting back to everything we did this past weekend... had a birthday luncheon, saw dreamgirls with one of my favorite people in the world (i HAD to watch it again), listened to my favorite band, TAAL, watched st dvd (very impressed at quality), found easter eggs (found out that there's ONE more i need to find), went with familia to OPA OPA (yum!), then to folsom outlets for special gifts (thanks sis for idea, and lu for size), taco smell for 20!!!! caramel apple empenadas, then :(, (i was planning on leaving at 9ish, but this time spent with MY family means more to me than work. wound up leaving around 1am.) monday rest. tuesday 12 hour day at work - couldn't make it to sac for another bday dinner. wed - because of prev long day, i said that i'm leaving at 3pm to go up to sac for the Nag's bday dinner. found a wells in downtown n went to pick up xLe, and made it back to 3 hermananas for SURPRISE! yup, i was surprised by how good the chips are there! joke lang! gave sis the keychain i caught her eyeing last month. i had a brief thought of getting the mario mug, but i can't be slick carrying that around with peeps asking what's that big bulge in my pocket. "it's mario's head" just didn't sound right.

but yeah... my RENT Bro has left the 916. I did tell him to keep his 916 phone number though, and that he promised he will. especially since we're both with cingular. mobile-to-mobile baby! i wonder how many of us are with them. but i digress, it was a sad night. there was so much i wanted to say, but i couldn't formulate the words. i did get to post it on his HELLA DOPED DESIGNED myspace page! so that everyone will know how i feel about this man. i call him my RENT bro, not only because we LOVE RENT, but... well that is why i call him by RENT brother, but i guess it was a saturday we shared when we saw RENT TWICE in one day in san jose. the 2nd time was front row center! and he dragged me from person to person in the cast to take a picture with him. just his exuberance with life and what it really means to be alive is what'll stay with all of us. i don't want to make this too melodramatic though, cuz he is still just a phone call/text away! :) not like...

it's almost coming up on 2 years since beej left... some peeps are getting together in SF to celebrate his life and that's what i'll do as well. i miss him. a lot.

take care of yalls.

Feels like forever

So it feels like forever since I last updated my blog. I'm at work right now emailing this entry into my blog *NINJA STYLE!* hehe. So what's been up. Well, the reason I've been more sporadic in writing in here is cuz I'm changing my lifestyle - which means that I'm doing something in the morning and when I get home I go out and do my thing and when I get back home, I'm just too plain tuckered out to write anything in. But my mind is constantly reeling, hence I'm here now.

I've been thinking about what is it that I fear most in the world. It used to be dying alone. And with the amount, not necessarily in number, of friends and family that I do, and very blessed to have, I don't have this fear anymore. But after a semi-deep convo with my co-worker, I've narrowed my deepest, darkest fear - it's finding out whether my ex-fiance, Michelle, is either 1) pregnant or 2) getting married, if not already married. I KNOW I SHOULD BE OVER THAT. I am over her and I AM moving on with my life, but it's just one of those things that I'm really scared of finding out. Alright, I'm using the "scared" in a different kinda context here - it's more of the fear that I don't know what I would do when I find out. I don't know. Somebody get me a quarter to buy a clue as to what I'll do. Am I gonna flip? Get mad? Cry? Go into a deep depression cuz you'll find my self-esteem in a holed out crater in the Grand Canyon with a pack-mule pissing on it!

As I've mentioned before, I am rather unique cuz I don't allow things to fester for too long, so in my own weird pyschy, I got over this. I mean I still fear knowing, but I've kinda stopped fearing it cuz it's out of my mind… rather I've replaced this fear, for the lack of a better word, with something else - exercise. Yup, good ol number 23 has jumped back in the saddle again for the last couple of weeks and have lost close to 10 pounds already. I'm remembering everything I did before leaving Sac… yes, when I was skinny, well to my own mind's eye. I loved me then. Ah, those days. The last time I made real progress was a couple of years ago… before a couple of real tragic things happed: losing beej and my dad. Actually after my dad died, I kinda just stopped. Come to think of it, it was right after I moved away, for the 2nd time, from Sac to work for this great retailing company that is in the news a lot lately. Speaking of which, I hope I still have this job in a year - but this is for another post.

Where was I, oh yeah, so I've replaced this fear with motivation. I'm more motivated than ever to hopefully see her one day when I'm all skinny and shit, and say… well it's gonna be a good day. I know that I should be doing this for myself which I am, I actually started a journal and have downloaded a bunch of podcasts to help me, but this is like the cherry on top if one day… oh yeah.

Unfortunately, the thing to suffer,  is my writing. I'm kinda in the determination mode as to what will take precedence, my plays or my health. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it!

Anyways, time to catch my boat back home.

Take care Inkernet!

it's monday?

didn't do much yesterday, and work is work, so i don't feel like talking about that right now...

so let's focus on saturday! we had our annual tropa holiday party and i had so much fun! fo realz, whenever i have "expendable" money, i'm buying guitar hero 2! it was way more tiring than i thought it could be. hehe. it'll balance out my ddr exercise! which is still going well :) i couldn't blow a fricken balloon to save my life and i got a fricken aneurism from it! oh, shit. did someone take a picture of me and sang's balloon? oh crap. funny thing was that i was planning on getting smashed cuz of the stress from work, but i made a deal with myself to not drink until a specific thing happens, which won't be for a long time, but it'll be worth it! it was just nice to hang out with everyone - my family. we just ate and just enjoyed being with each other. there was no pressure to drink, like at other parties by young people (does that mean that we're getting old?) nah, just means that enjoyed each other without needing to drink.. but if we want to we will! stockings were exchanged and white elephant was fun and different!

then my RENT brother dropped his news. i'm not afraid to admit it, i shed a tear or two. i had two immediate thoughts after he spoke the words, "i'm leaving." my very first was of my sis. and then my second was that i made the same announcement to these friends at my dad's funeral reception. it's an opportunity for him and all opportunities are meant to be taken not passed up! but i got really sad. i'm gonna be more sad a little later on... oh wait, i'm sad now. i briefly, very, got upset that i didn't know earlier, but that's BULLSHIT! really, it doesn't matter about me! it doesn't change the fact that one of my best friends is moving to the middle of the country. reality check, when peeps leave sac, it's hard to come back, mostly because it costs too much. i'm lucky cuz i did leave the first time and i MISSED OUT on so many things, which i really regret doing, but the point is that even though i left sac the second time, i try to make it up to sac as many times as i can, or rather how many times my car will let me be able to drive there, to not miss out again! but there? i thought san diego is far. i mean, i try to put another spin on it that at least i'll have a new place to visit.

bummed. nyt inkernet...

life tip #1

if you get your hands really filthy dirty, rub your hands with soap FIRST to get the dirt off before running it through water.

learned this tip after drawing class from all the charcoal that gets all over the place. so next time YOU go drawing with charcoal, don't forget this life tip!

life tip intro

i'm starting a new series of posts called: life tips. just random, short (hopefully), droplets of wisdom that i've come up for myself that you might find helpful, if not at least amusing.

can't sleep...

What the fuck?! can't sleep... rather, rephrasing, i can't fall back asleep. got back from looking for the perfect white elephant gift for $20 OR LESS! and found it. hope the gift works. getting back to my tale, got back around 9, had a slightly thawed out turkey sandwich (i premade a bunch of turkey sandwiches the other night and i froze to keep fresh for the long haul. something i learned from michelle's mom.), and fell asleep in the living room. woke up at 3am... and still up. jus spending time looking for blogs to read.

honestly, i'm not trying to be stalker-ish, but in my own little sense of reality, i'm trying to make the world smaller by looking at this world through other peoples eyes. it's also because since i've been using google for my tracking purposes, i've always wondered how/why people have come to this blog o' mine, especially from places like, Cubao, Beijing, Budapest, or Courtland, CA?! putting two and two together, i just hit the next blog button on my page... and boom i'm exported to a granny's scrapbook page in wisconsin. click... i'm the dad of a homeless family in jacksonville florida. click... i'm getting an inverted navel piercing in makati for 400 pesos.

in short, blogging is now another form of escapism, which joins the list of movies and books. i never thought of using the internet in this way which seems like such an obvious tool for doing so. last year, i was happy to just use this tool to go online-window shopping.

it's also kinda cool to see how other people "talk." as an "emerging" writer (i like this phrase since i'm seeing it a lot of the trade journals i've been reading), i'm in constant search for my style. and in doing this, i like to see what styles are out there and blogs are a cool way to find out.

better go... i'm starting to bore myself with this entry. :)

One of my goals this year...

One of my goals for 2007 is not to say out loud, or written, what my goals are. As you can see from my previous posts, I just did them. Actions speak louder than words has become my mantra.

I'm going back on what I just said above, but this goal just needs to be said cuz it's funny like that. I want to be able to see my cheek bones like Panky did! Only 2 people will probably get this, but yeah. And that's all I'm saying, cuz I'm just doing to make this one thing happen.

Oki dokes. Bye!

Sucker!

Sucker!
a short play by Tropa23

BIXBY (early 30's) and GRASSHOPPER (early teens) sit at MUNI bus stop. GRASSHOPPER is sucking on a lollipop.

BIXBY: You are not 25!

GRASSHOPPER: I am so.

BIXBY: Then what year were you born?

GRASSHOPPER: Why you want to know?

BIXBY: Cuz you look like your...

GRASSHOPPER: 13. I get that a lot.

BIXBY: So... what year?

GRASSHOPPER: What's your name?

BIXBY: Why you wanna know?

GRASSHOPPER: Cuz, I don't share personal information with strangers.

BIXBY: Bixby.

GRASSHOPPER: 1981

BIXBY calculates the age with his finger in the air on an imaginary chalkboard.

BIXBY: I still don't believe you.

GRASSHOPPER: If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

BIXBY: Then what do you do for a living.

GRASSHOPPER: I'm a CPA.

BIXBY: Shut up! You are so not an accountant.

GRASSHOPPER: That I am.

BIXBY: So you go to work dressed like that?

GRASSHOPPER: Duh? Of course not. I just wanted to take a day off. Woke up this morning, looked outside the window, said hello to the sun, "Hi, Sun." and then said to myself, "GrassHopper, take the day off. You deserve it."

BIXBY: Your name is Grass Hopper? I don't know what's harder to believe, your age or your name.

GRASSHOPPER: Better believe it, Buddy.

BIXBY just looks at GRASSHOPPER.

GRASSHOPPER: You're kinda weirding me out, dude.

BIXBY: I'm still trying to comprehend that you're 25. Do you mind if I see your ID or something?

GRASSHOPPER: Yes, I do mind, cuz one, I don't know you, and two, you're gonna see my address and I just don't have time in include a stalker in my already chaotic lifestyle.

BIXBY: Then what if I just ask you some questions that only a 25 year old would know.

GRASSHOPPER: I ain't doing anything else. Shoot.

BIXBY: Where did you go to college?

GRASSHOPPER: Sac State for my undergrad. Then went to Golden Gate University for my MFA.

BIXBY: Who was your favorite boy band in the 90's?

GRASSHOPPER: I can proudly say, Backstreet Boys.

BIXBY: Your favorite 80's movie?

GRASSHOPPER: Back to the Future. Only the first one, I don't count the other 2.

BIXBY: What kind of car do you drive?

GRASSHOPPER: A 2006 Mercedes-Benz S320 CDI.

BIXBY: Ha! Gotcha! You're so lying! If you had a car, then why are you taking the bus?! Ly--errrr! Liar! You're a 13 year old impersonator!

BIXBY does a little jig to celebrate his discovery. As he dances around, GRASSHOPPER takes out the key to her Benzo.

BIXBY: What's that?

GRASSHOPPER: The key to my benz, which is at the home that I own cuz I hate driving in the city with its superfluous amount of bike messengers and its miniscule number of parking spaces.

BIXBY: Oh... I guess you are who you say you are. Sorry.

GRASSHOPPER: Unfortunately, as I said, I get it all the time.

BIXBY: I'm really sorry. I feel like a complete heel. Is there any way that I can make it up to you?

GRASSHOPPER holds out her hand.

GRASSHOPPER: Hi, my name is GrassHopper.

BIXBY: I'm Bixby.

GRASSHOPPER: There. Reset. Start over.

BIXBY: You know, Back to the Future is one of my favorite movies too... One point twenty-one jiggawatts!

GRASSHOPPER: You don't say.

BIXBY: I do, and I'm also saying that the Regal out in Berkeley is having a midnight showing of it on Saturday, and if you weren't doing anything that night, perhaps you wouldn't mind joining me.

GRASSHOPPER: Sounds like a very tempting offer. But, I'm kind of... attached right now.

BIXBY: Right. I should have known that you had a boyfriend.

GRASSHOPPER: Not exactly. A little more than that.

Enter PAPANG, GRASSHOPPER's dad.

PAPANG: Hoy. Where's my keys?

GRASSHOPPER: Right here, Dad.

PAPANG: Let's go. (to BIXBY) I hope that she's not bothering you too much! These 12 year olds are starting to cause too much trouble.

PAPANG exits.

GRASSHOPPER: Thanks for the invite, Mister, but i gotta jet! See ya... sucker!

GRASSHOPPER exits.

BIXBY just stares in awe, and then goes into convulsions of what he just did. Ew!


THE END

Star-Crossed Love

Star-Crossed Love
A Monologue/Scene by Tropa23

At a store inside a mall. BREEZE is shopping, sees someone, and pulls JULIP to her side.

BREEZE: Don't look over there!

(JULIP looks)

BREEZE: I said don't look! Did he look over this way?

(JULIP shakes her head, "No.")

BREEZE: Thank goodness. Did I ever tell you about him? I didn't. I swear that I had. Doesn't matter. It was such a long time ago, and I doubt that he even remembers my name. But I'll never forget his - Zenith. Not only does it remind me of the old TV my family had where the knob broke off and we had to use pliers to change the channels, oh no, but Zenith as being the man whom was the pinnacle of all the men I have ever... been with. It was a splendid summer's eve because the air smelled so fresh, and there we were locked in each other's embrace in the garden under the shadow of the State Capitol. The heat of passion burned the fire within my heart... and now to see him standing there. I can still feel the warmth. Can you? Please tell me that you do for those deep brown eyes of his can melt the ice off a penguin's behind. But alas, when he left my arms for the last time, these once happy feet can no longer dance on air as they once did.

(BREEZE looks again and he is no longer there. BREEZE steps toward the spot where he stood.)

BREEZE: He is gone. I breathe in the smell of where he stood. He still wears the cologne I bought him for our anniversary.

JULIP: How long were you together?

BREEZE: It felt like eternity for our love had no time limit. All of three days. But what a glorious three days they were. I could tell by your inquisitive stare you have another question of why we are no longer together. What always happens to the love between two star-crossed lovers... our love faded away. Of course, if you were to ask him what had happened to us, his answer would be as transparent as the waters of a river called, Denial. Instead of saying that our co-existence were like two rafts that drifted apart, his claim would surely be that I was suffocating him with my affection. He would say that I called him every second of the day, but dear, what are phones, emails, text messages, and cameras for? Silly boy for misinterpreting my coyness toward him by strapping his arms and legs to the love posts of our bed. I told him I would return later that night for a special supper, which I did. Who would have known how easily the fibers of rope can burn the skin of wrists and ankles? (laughs) It was all a game I told him. Well him and the judge. A flirtatious game of batting the eyelids, twirling of the hair, a carving into the flesh of a little heart on his bronze pectoral muscle. So many fond memories. (sigh) Alas, all good things must come to an end. And as he stood here, I could still feel the passion of his gaze into my eyes as he proclaimed the words, "I never want to see you again, you crazy woman!" So much fire burned behind his eyes and bore into my soul. Oh, the flames of love. How I long for that feeling again. If only... if only had it not be for a court-ordered restraining document that keeps me 100 feet away from his touch, we would be together. Damn the government and the local enforcements that place these shackles on my heart! I am spent. I need air. Fair thee well, my friend. Fair thee well.

BREEZE exits, as Julip's friend, FARGO enters.

FARGO: Hey Julip. Who's that?

JULIP: I have no idea. I need a mojito. I swear you better not leave me again.

FARGO and JULIP exit.


THE END