balancing act

feeling inadequate at work. i go through different stints at work. one minute, i feel like i'm in total control of handling my website. i'm communicating and troubleshooting stuff everyday with the many different teams and people - i feel like i know what i'm doing. but then there are the times when i question - what the hell am i doing here? my self-confidence is shot down by snooty nerds. isn't that an oxymoron. in a weird way, it's a good thing cuz it's keeping me from being something that i've been at almost every job that i've ever had - bored. i know that i've posted my job history in a blog somewhere, but i've had MANY JOBS! been working since i was 15. and every job i've had, if i've been there long enough, i'd always get bored about 6 months into the job. but with this job, i've been so challenged with so much. and to this end, these past two years have swept by in a blink. just taking it day by day.

=====

had lunch with a dear friend last sunday. caught up on a lot of things, but there was one thing i told her that disappointed me. it's getting my script read. it's been collecting dust for the last month. excuses have been piling up and i really need to get some shit done.

=====

this post sucks. haven't revealed anything of substance. need to get back into writing. that was fun. need to get back into writing in here everyday. i try to do it at work, but just too busy. after work - my cardio time. night - cardio gets me sleepy and tired. so looks like this is the only time to clear my mind. ulk! 6am journal time, i guess.

=====

i've recently gotten into some awesome tv shows: 24 and Rome. i LOVE these shows! i started watching 24, but it's hard for me to watch this seasons, because the story line refers to some stuff that happened in the past, which i feel cheated cuz i need to know what happened to move on, but i don't wanna stop this season. luckily, they have 24 on itunes and i've downloaded season 1 and i'm getting to know everyone and i love the storyline. i'm watching 2-3 episodes a day. but still sux to be lost. just means that i have to watch and get caught up faster. luckily, the show is SO GOOD that i need to watch the show anyways! Jack Bauer is a Hero! one question though: what do the other people who work for the CTU, the people in the background, what do they do? it feels like only 2-4 people do the work in there who give real information, but what about the others. i could be an extra on that show and sit at a desk, get up, hand a piece of paper to another extra, and sit back down. ok?

Rome. The Bandit first told me about this show which picqued my interest, and then i read an article about the best tv shows for this coming seasons and Rome was one of them. Luckily, they had the episodes on OnDemand. so in one day i watched the first 4 episodes, and i was immediately hooked! i think what captures me the most is the characters. each character has their own motive for doing what they do. very straight-forward. very STRONG! so im hooked.

=====

maybe it's a mistake to try and write at 6 in the morning. sluggish commentary that doesn't make sense. kinda like paula abdul doing the interviews for the new season of ai!


crappy post. but needed to write. and keep writing. i'm so sorry if you got to this point in the post :( it'll get better!