catchin up... sorta

it's getting late and i have to get sleep so i can wake up EARLY!!! but here's a short list of random thoughts i WOULD write paragraphs if i could:

- met up with the owner of Monster Desserts at Tanforan for a possible business venture with them. LR is takin' the lead on this cuz i trust him. had the strawberry ice! YUMMMM! i lyks. i'm down to help out.

- crazy times at work! too many projects with TOO MANY people calling me up for help. i don't mind except that i have so many other projects on my plate. hence wake up early tomorrow.

- wishing i can go up to sac on friday. wish i can just say, SCREW EM (i mean my WORK. I <3 my sac peeps!) and i don't care if nothing gets done. but can't... too responsible i guess.

- don't know why i've been putting off asking a specific someone out... saying that i'm busy is becoming a lame and boring excuse, especially since the show's over

- bought a MacBeth translation guide to read

- reading American Theater Magazine. learning about how theater is done around the world. great issue.

- the movement has been asked to perform on september 21st. a brand new piece about martial law. of course, in movement style, it's going to be a collaborative effort. right now, i'm 90% sure that i'm not going to be a part of it. my time in front or in the wings is done.... for now.

- can't wait for the AATC workshops to begin! i'm thinking up a lot of questions already to ask PKG:
- what is the process of writing a full-length play?
- how much time do you spend writing the back stories for your characters?
- do you get nervous when presenting a new work?

- had a really good time talking to my lil sisters in sac. i'm so blessed to have them in my life. just wish that i have more time to spend with them.

- sad that i lost two of my friends/co-workers at work :( i've been with keri and kevin since we went into bpr mode and now... *sigh* then again, it's all about change, and i have faith that it'll get better.


better get to bed.

new AATC Workshops

I knew it was a bad idea to move to an office that's overlooking the bay! it's friday and i'm looking out the window at sailboats that float by. yeah, i'm rubbing it in! kidding lang. i'm just not in the best of moods to work, especially on a project that needs to be done by tuesday! maybe, i'll come in on sunday and work on it. haven't done that in a while.

anyways, I'm so excited about these workshops that i just signed-up/paid for with AATC. 1) a vocal workshop for musicals
2) monologues for musicals - with Jeannie Barroga
3) PLAYWRITING WORKSHOP WITH PHILIP KAN GOTANDA!!!

http://www.asianamericantheater.org/

i can't wait for all these workshops to start, but c'mon now, a workshop with the playwright of one of my favorite plays that i've ever read - THE WASH. I'm sure I've written a blog entry about my loving this play. but yeah... i'm stoked. One thing I am nervous about though is that I have to submit 5 pages of written dialogue for his workshop! i'm scanning all my past work to see what i want to turn in. right now, i'm thinking about my revamped scene of when R.J. and Lisa first meet in "A Dance...". I just found my re-write of Borders and I forgot how good the dialogue between my characters were... it's their dialogue and i'm just recording what they say in my head. and yes, i'm mental that way. again... we'll see, but i have to turn this in soon.

alrighty, better get back to trying to work.

How I Spent my Monday Night :)

It's late/early and just can't sleep. Guess it's just one of those insomnia things again.

on monday i went to a rally at the Philippine Consulate. Even though I wanted to help out, if needed, I really wanted to go there and get educated about some of the things that are happening in the PI. I also got to meet some really cool people too. And the best part is that i got this experience on video: http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=A298A3E31EBF56C2. Please check out the messages when you can!

Needless to say I was moved most of all about the plight of the Sentosa 27. Watch the vid for more info and/or google it too! I also signed a petition to support these nurses done wrong by this evil company.

well, it's 3am so better get...

Taking stock

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" - Mary Manin Morrissey

for the most part, I've learned to let go of specific things. I am happy with how life is going for me right at this very moment in this space in time. i'm finally taking the time to actually look back and be proud of myself for being part of bindlestiff, which is something i wished i could have done back in college. but realistically, i'm glad that i stuck it out with school and just focused on that - something that i've never really been able to do - focus. but right now, i'm just taking a break from everything and taking stock of what my accomplishments like having new friends and still finding ways to grow as an artist.

i already mentioned that i'm proud of myself for taking that step to join something with the stiff last december. it was a small thing cuz it wasn't a full production, but it was a step that needed to be taken. the first year that i lived here, i just spent it at work and in sac. i was completely happy just doing those two things - until i was at one of my best friends gigs at someone asked me why i was still coming up there. duh, it was to support my friends AND i still continue to do so, but it made me realize that i don't have any friends outside my circle. on one end of the spectrum, i'm completely satisfied with "who i roll wid", but at the same time, i'm an hour-n-a-1/2 away from them which sux when i just want to go out to the movies with any of them. so, i signed up for a couple of workshops with these crazy folks on 6th street and haven't regretted it since. we've went to the movies together... we have a cast party/potluck later today. saw a play together. it's been fun. i'll admit that i was very cautious about joining them in non-theater stuff at first, for a stupid reason that if i get too close to them, then i'll put my sac family 2nd. i don't want to happen Again. and I'm speaking about the first time I left Sac in '95. I spent all my time with Michelle and her family and friends that i lost touch with my best friends in the world. i missed out on so much! and there's no way in the world, unless i'm in a show on the same night, that i'll do that again!

but the thing i have to trust myself in is that this won't happen again. Since BJ died, there's just that bond that we'll always have which can't be broken. in common, we shared something bonds us for life. at least that's how i think of it. so given this trust, i have been able to make new friends. i don't know how close i'll let myself get still, but time and more shows together will determine that.

oh, i'm also proud that i finished the first draft of Room 812. I'm just happy to be writing again. Still rusty, but at least i'm writing!!!

writing

as you can see in the previous post, i FINALLY finished Room 812. I started writing this scene 2 years ago. i got side tracked with BORDERS and A DANCE... it's funny cuz i remembered talking about this play with Jeannie while driving her back to her place in Marin. I asked her one bit of advice on that trip, "When will I know what to write about?" she said simply, "Just write what's on your mind. What are you feeling at this moment and put it down." This was just one thing that i felt passionate about at the time and i'm glad to have finally finished it. Not sure if I'll submit this to Stories High or save this for something else. at the very least, i'd love to hear this read to see how it flows.

Room 812

Room 812
By Conrad Panganiban

Characters
Dorothy - 23 year old female
Jasper - 32 year old male
Femi - 27 year old female

Time
Present

Setting
Smoking area just outside of Natividad Medical Center. Salinas, CA.

Lights fade up revealing a bench and a ashtray/garbage can beside the it. Sitting on the bench is Dorothy. She's wearing a black t-shirt with a rock band on it. On her right wrist is a couple of plastic bracelets and on her left is a long pink wristband (or 2 wristbands on top of each other). She's also wearing black cargo pants with safety pins down the right side. Beside her foot is a green canvas bag with a bunch of buttons on it. Stares straight ahead.

A secluded area behind a hospital - the only place where smoking is allowed. Dorothy is there smoking a cigarette. Jasper approaches talking on his cell. He's wearing scrubs.

Jasper
Yes Mom. I know... I told you that I'm busy this weekend... this weekend. no... not next weekend! This weekend. I can't come home... work. Trabajo ko... yes ma. Okay. Bye. I love you too. Ok.... Okay. Yes ma. Okay. I have to go now. I'm with a patient now. Patient! Bye. (he looks at Dorothy who just smiles back at him.) I told myself I was gonna quit. (Takes out a pack and pulls out a cigarette and a lighter. Flames up and takes a drag.) My mom. I love her, but sometimes... hence the marlboro light.

Dorothy
I'm not gonna judge. (holds up her cigarette)

Jasper
Thanks. I'm just not in one of those moods to deal with some health nut junkie who claims that I'm messing up their biosphere with this piece of heaven between these two fingers. In this solitude of ash, smoke, and nicotine lies the calmness that millions of people like you and I only know about.

Dorothy
And that's why you work here. (motions to the Hospital)

Jasper
See, the way I look at it is that's it's a balancing act - I help take care of the health of a couple of lives...

Dorothy
While you ingest the tobacco of lung cancer goodness.

Jasper
A balancing act. Hi, my name is Jasper. (extends his hand)

Dorothy
Sorry. I don't shake hands. Germs kill.

Jasper
And the cyanide wafting in the air into your lungs won't?

Dorothy
Touché, Mr. Jasper.

Jasper
And by what name can I address you with, Miss...

Dorothy
Dorothy

Jasper
Miss Dorothy

Dorothy
And no, I don't have a dog named after the group that sang "Africa" nor a shortened moniker of Dot.

Jasper
Don't worry, I don't see any yellow bricks around here either. Well, except for the northeast corner of the hospital where some homeless guy uses the bathroom at. So, who are you visiting at this fine medical establishment?

Dorothy
My dad.

Jasper
What's his name? Maybe he's on my floor.

Dorothy
He's in ICU.

Jasper
Artemio Cabandig

Dorothy
Nice to know that he's so popular. Did he sing "Memories" on a Minus-One at your nursing station's Christmas Party?

Jasper
He's one of my patients. I'm sorry.

Dorothy
No worries. We all have to go sometime. And his time just happens to be coming soon. He'd always sing that song at all the family parties we'd go to. Sometimes, he'd ask me to sing that song with him. After we'd sing, he'd have me go around the room asking for quarters as a tip or something. I'd split the pot with him, which he'd use to play with during the all night card playing sessions of Paris Paris. When he'd win, he'd call me his lucky charm. (smiles at the memory.)

Jasper
I saw your family up there and in the waiting room. Your sister brought in some lumpia for our staff yesterday.

Dorothy
She got that from my mom. Always feeling the need to feed everyone.

Jasper
I thought that I've already met everyone in your family... except you. Sometimes, when your sister would leave the room at night, he'd tell me about his other daughter... the singer. But when I asked your sister about you, she would say that your dad made you up and just blamed it on his old age.

Dorothy
It doesn't surprise me she'd say that. I just drove in from Seattle.

Jasper
Then, why would your sister say that about you? I'm sure your dad will be really happy to see you.

(Dorothy remains silent staring off into space.)

Dorothy
I haven't seen him, nor anyone in my family in 5 years. I was born a mistake. I'm so much younger than my sister that when she graduated from college and got married, I was left to be the caretaker of both my parents. All this responsibility at 16. I loved my parents, but instead of going out on dates, or going to the beach to chill out, or even watching the newest summer blockbuster with friends, I spent those unbearable warm nights trying not to burn the lumpia while washing up after both of them went to the bathroom. It wasn't fair. So after I graduated from High School, I just left.

Jasper
How could you? Excuse my bluntness, but that was a pretty ungrateful self-centered bitchy thing to do.

Dorothy
Well, what about you and your mom?

Jasper
What about her?

Dorothy
Why don't you want to see her?

Jasper
She's not the one who's dying.

Dorothy
If you're going to read me the riot act, then you better check yourself too. Any one of could die at any minute. When was the last time you saw her?

Jasper
Hey! Don't turn the guilt you have against me. I'm just trying to help.

Dorothy
Well, I'm here aren't I?

Jasper
No, you should be in there. Not out here.

Dorothy
I know. It's just I...

Jasper
(Mockingly) It's just I... It's just I... How long have you been out here?

Dorothy
Feels like a couple of days. Look, you don't understand. I go up there and all hell will break loose with my sister and no telling how my dad will react. He could have a heart attack!

Jasper
He's in the hospital! We're prepared for a heart attack. Look, Dorothy, you might not want to listen to me, but your dad might not even make it to tomorrow. If there's ever a time to make things right between you and him, it's right now.

Dorothy
I can't.

Jasper
Why?

Dorothy
Two months after I split, my mom died. I couldn't even go to her funeral. How could I? I mean... when I left, I needed to escape that feeling of being trapped, suffocated if you will. In this escape, I forever lost the only family I ever knew... and the one I can never get back.

Jasper
But you're here.

Dorothy
Trying to find what I lost.

Jasper
Which is on the 8th floor. Trust me. Working up there isn't always Disneyland. I've seen a lot of people die and I know not one of them wants to have any unfinished business left before they go. By going up there, you're going for him... and for you. If you don't go in there, you might as well stay out here forever and wonder if you'll ever have any home to go back to.

Dorothy
(Flicks her cigarette across the stage.) You're right. I have to make this right. (starts to walk back towards the hospital.)

Jasper
I'll go with you. I can break the ice with your dad... or at least hold your sister back. I can help.

Dorothy
No. I need to do this on my own. You said 8th floor.

Jasper
Room 812.

Dorothy
Thanks, Mr. Jasper.

Jasper
You're welcome, Miss Dorothy. I'll be up soon to see how things are going, okay?

(Dorothy just smiles, turns around and leaves. Jasper keeps looking at her as she exits.)

(Enter Femi)

Femi
You will not believe how crazy it's been in the E.R. We just got this stupid college kid who stapled his yoo-hoo to his thigh. Where the hell do they get these ideas? (she lights up a cigarette and smokes) You know where... fricken MTV. That stupid channel with all those stupid kids going off to spring break to "Party on, Dude! Let's go staple our yoo-hoos to our legs! Party on! Righteous!" (noticing that Jasper's not paying attention to her.) Jasper... Jasper? There's a hot naked chick behind you!

(Jasper turns around.)

Jasper
Where?

Femi
In your perverted little mind you sicko! What up with you? Didn't you hear my story about the kid's yoo-hoo stapled to his thigh?

Jasper
Yoo-hoo? Femi, what are you talking about?

Femi
Nut sack. Huevos Rancheros. Ping and Pong. The berries to your twig. Balls.

Jasper
I'm glad that the years spent at finishing school vamped up your elegant vocabulary.

Femi
He needed a shave too. Fricken jungle down there...

Jasper
I get it. I get it.

Femi
So now that I finally have your attention, why were you staring off into space? Wait, don't you tell me... it has something to do with a girl, right?

Jasper
What make you think that I'm interested in someone?

Femi
When are you not?

Jasper
Femi. Give me some credit, okay?

(Femi just looks at him)

Jasper
Her name's Dorothy. We were out here and we started talking and…. I mean started it off weird, but… it's just been a while since I had a deep conversation with someone.

Femi
Gee. Thanks.

Jasper
You know what I mean. It's just different…

Femi
No need to explain, I see how it is. So where is this Dorothy? Is she partying with some Munchins on a yellow brick road?

Jasper
Haha. She just walked into the hospital. She has to take care of some family business. Didn't you see how cute she was when she walked by you?

Femi
What are you talking about? Nobody passed me.

Jasper
Yes you did. She went through the emergency room doors.

Femi
Okay….

Jasper
No. She was right here. We had a long talk about a lot of her family, and...

Femi
I know that it's been a while since your last date and all, but you really don't have to make people up. I don't believe what the other nurses are saying about you. I just say that you're a little shy and…

Jasper
I'm not making this up. I'm surprised that you didn't notice her pink wristband, the Big Shrimp T-shirt… and her smile.

Femi
What'd you say?

Jasper
Her smile is amazing

Femi
No, before that. What was she wearing? A pink wristband…?

Jasper
Yeah. A bright pink wristband that went almost all the way up her forearm. Oh, and her pants…

Femi
Black cargos with safety pins down the right side.

Jasper
Yeah! Oh my God. You know her? What's her number? I was hoping to get it after I go up and see how she was doing with her family and...

Femi
I swear, Jasper. That's not funny! Don't joke about stuff like that. That's so not cool.

Jasper
I just wanted to know her better. Why? Does she have a boyfriend?

Femi
You're really freaking me out. Just stop it with this story.

Jasper
Why?

Femi
Jasper. Dorothy was here on Saturday.

Jasper
In this hospital? That's impossible. She said that she just drove in and she hasn't even gone in yet. I've been trying to get her to go inside this whole time, but she didn't want to leave.

Femi
Jasper… she was in the ER on Saturday. She got into a car accident… and she died. When I tried to contact her family, I found out that they were in the hospital too. It was then when I found out that she must've been coming to see her father.

(Jasper moves downstage into a spot as Femi is talking and just stares ahead at the hospital. Light's fade out on rest of stage leaving a spot on Jasper and another appearing on Dorothy.)

Dorothy
Thank you, Jasper.

Both lights fade out.

THE END

KARATE KID II

Woo-hoo! I just got Karate Kid 2 in the mail from Amazon here at work! I haven't seen this movie in forever. It's one of my favorite ALL TIME MOVIES, and it's awesome to know that a lot of, well mostly guys, still love this movie as well. We quoted lines from the movie almost everyday at rehearsal. CLASSIC! can't wait to watch it at home!

Woo-hoo! 1 down 5 to go!

just finished our opening night! whew! glad to have got that out of the way. here's a teaser of what our show looks like (spoiler): http://www.flickr.com/photos/beelizabub/sets/72157600676539452/

night!

AAAGGGGHHHHH!!!

i had to get that out! for some odd and inexplicable reason, i just got nervous! right now - 11:35am. i'm counting down the hours. wtf? this isn't the first time! and i'm AGGGHHHH!!! i was so chill this morning thinking that it's just another show and that i'm used to it. but i think that it's finally hit that all the months of rehearsals and tremendous lows and joyous highs - we open tonight! AGGHHHH! 8 hours til showtime and i'm already starting to yawn! (something i always do right before a show! but NOT THIS EARLY!!!)

ok... just needed to get this out!

growing up

i'm still trying to find the balance of being myself and acting my age. it's just that there's so much to do in this little time that i have on earth that i really DON'T have the time to act and do grown up things. know what i mean. i also know that i'm the kind of person who is a slow starter. and this has been me since forever, but i really put everything that i have into whatever i want to do. the other problem is that when i do, i spread myself so thin that i don't focus on what my goal is - to become a playwright; to have my words acted out on stage.

i'll talk more later.

the Movement - July 5 - 7 and 12 - 15

sorry for not writing in SOOOO LOOONNGGG! i've been a little busy, but that's a crappy excuse, cuz with everything happening, i really need to journalize this amazing journey i've been on.

the movement.
it's been a rollercoaster ride. literally. i have my ups, downs, frustrations, anger, and sheer bliss. i've kinda forgot what it is to truly be an artist. to be able to grow and feel the self worth of collaborating with artists whom are on the same level, wavelength, spiritual plateau as we've set out on a mission to PUT ON A SHOW. this expericence has just given me more drive then i could have ever imagined. true, i think that i'm the oldest one in the bunch, but it goes to show that you're never to old to do new things. it's my hope that i can bring everything i've learned here with this show and with the VT show, and share it with my family back in sac - yes, i'll NEVER forget where i come from because these are the people who keep me grounded and loved.

back to the show... i'm pulling off triple duty as a part of 3 of the crews: movers, shadow, and music. i'm deeply honored to be playing a song that i wrote for a very special person for the show. can't believe that it was written over 10 years ago, and for it to have people still tell me that it's a beautiful melody means a lot. i'm also playing the keys for a very emotional scene. it's not hard but it's a scene where it's like nothing i've experienced as an artist - it felt like the acting melts in with the music, and last night when we went through cue-to-cue the lights became one with the scene too. the first time we rehearsed the scene, i asked eSal if he thought he could use piano, he said sure and asked me to play 2 chords. i did with different voicings and bam! from that very first time with the cast we had our artistic directors, our producer, and our stage manager tearing up. it was magic. amid all the uncertanties up to that point, after that scene - WE HAD A SHOW!

i'm back on stage again. just one little scene where i have to speak in tagalog. luckily rupert is taking the lead in the scene since i've still uncomfortable with speaking in tagalog and i'm just not as strong as him on stage yet. speaking of rupert, i found this on youtube of him on HBO's Def Poetry Jam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WJ7bn0W7sQ). he's like one of the most deep and inspirational people i'm blessed (even though he's not religious) to have met. i also saw him as part of the suicide kings, a really dope spoken word group.

even though i've provided a couple of the transparencies to use as well as used my illustrator skillz to create some of the rooms used, i've been really shy about helping out the shadow crew cuz they're SO "organic". this group of amazing Visual Artists play with shadows and everything else they can get their hands on to create beautiful images behind a large white screen of paper is again inspiring. and i don't want to mess up their flow. i should've learned from the VT show to be more impulsive and create things on the fly, even on the night of the show, but i guess i've just been trained in performing since the 4th grade that: in order to create art, one has to practice, practice, practice! what these artists are doing is playing and creating beautiful art right before my eyes. this isn't practice - this is art. organic. aureen invited me to join her and susanna and i had a blast last night helping out and have learned so much that i can't wait to share this with ST.

ok. well there's my update. i'll write more later. we went through 2 full run thrus on sunday. cue-to-cue last night. full dress tonight, then paint the stage. then another full dress tomorrow night. then our first show! i hope people come out and support. it's a show that i haven't seen performed before where EVERY part of the show was created by every single person of the cast and crew! get tix soon cuz it will get sold out, and the best way is through brownpapertickets.

======

The Movement Opens This Weekend!!!
Get your tickets now before it's sold out!

Bindlestiff Studio proudly presents the return of THE MOVEMENT!
July 5-7, 12-14 starting at 8PM
Location: Bindlestiff Studio, 505 Natoma Street @ 6th Street, San Francisco 94103
Tickets: $10-15 sliding scale

Reservations are being taken immediately at (415) 255-0440 or go to: www.brownpapertickets.com/event/16861
** for a limited time only type "savebindlestiff" for $5 off opening night tickets only available through Brown Paper Tickets!

The movers and shakers of Bindlestiff Studio's sold out "The Movement" are back with a brand new show! Don't miss out as we utilize experimental dance, captivating shadow puppetry, and live music in bringing you the story of a young activist's life, Andre, his family, and dreams.

Through a series of workshops this year's "The Movement" was developed by a group of Filipino American artists whose performance backgrounds varied, but were eager to share a different perspective of the Filipino American story through dance and movement. "The Movement" is a collaborative project, in which cast members contributed ideas, inspiration, choreography, visual pieces, and beats.

This year's The Movement Show will be the LAST production at the theatre's temporary space, so don't miss out and reserve your tickets right away!

Please visit our website at www.bindlestiffstudio.org/movement for more information.