oh happy day!

had such a long day yesterday but very well worth it. got up at 6 mostly because i was a little nervous about how the reading would go. the night before, i read the play, and i didn't like what i was reading. felt a little disjointed and the stage directions annoyed the hell out of me. but when i FINALLY heard each of the character's voices, i was pleasantly surprised. half way through the read, i stopped looking at the script and enjoyed myself in the talents of my friends. one thing i didn't really count on was how truly funny parts of the script were. of course, this was in due to the actors! but it's just ALWAYS fun to laugh with friends! we'll see what comes out of all this... but i'll make sure that something happens :)

went to dinner at tex wasabis! hella long night because of the slow service but was fun. OMG! the chicken was so good! imma getting a whole chicken and it's brother next time i go there!

sorry, side note: watching lani m on asap singing a house is not a home! dude, she's so amazing!

back to tex. yum!

:)

for not doing much on my birthday i just got the best gift - a very long talk with a friend from marina. :) so weird cuz i was just thinking about her a couple of days ago. i actually wrote about her in one of my blogs. :) just put it this way, now i really can't wait to visit chicago. mmm... maybe madison too. :)

i'll write more soon. gotta run a couple of errands.

:)

Happy Birthday To Me

welps. i'm 35... but to be honest i still feel like i'm in my twenties. i actually don't have anything formally planned. i'm not sad or anything about it cuz believe me i've had plenty of birthdays which have been the best times spent with my friends and family that will still last me for the next couple of birthdays. but for reals, i'm just happy to spend this day working on "A Dream...", bakitwhy, and maybe my portfolio. It's really nice to take a day off of work though and have absolutely no guilt! fuck that, i deserve a day for me.

for bakitwhy, i need to build my list of people i want to interview. i should write a vision, mission, and goals for the site too. if anything, it's to keep me focused. especially since i'm so scatter-brained. but then again, it's my site, and i'll see where it goes. i've been really organically artistic - just letting things flow and see where they land. in college, while trying to "focus" on lectures, i would just doodle and then in these doodles, i'd see objects and try to add on to the doodle to make the objects come forward. like when you look up in the clouds and you say stuff like, "hey that cloud reminds me of Gary V's ears." stuff like that. but lately, i've really been taking that step and applying that to daily routines.

oh yeah, i'm thinking of putting together a soundtrack for the reading tomorrow. i am so thankful for my friends who've agreed to help me out on this first round of my crazy dream! jeez, i don't think i remember the last time i even looked at the script. i bet it sucks now! we'll find out for sure tomorrow.

on a sad note, my dear family lost their mom & lola. my thoughts and prayers go to them. i never really knew my own lola, but i was close to michelle's lola, and i regarded her as my adopted grandma since i've known her for a long time. as i talked to auntie about her mom, i couldn't help but think of francisca balderama too, and trying to associate my feelings with hers... and the sense of loss and struggle. i was with michelle's entire family when her lola passed. she died in the home that we lived in when we went to school at the Academy. i'm not going into details, though very memorable, because those are still private moments that are shared by the family. i've probably said too much already.

inspirations

I got this from my Texas Brotha's blog! These are really words/attitudes/actions to live by. Hope you enjoy and please leave a comment if you have more inspiring quotes to share with the class :)

1)
Dont be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve.

2)
Watch your Thoughts, they become words.
Watch your Words, they become actions.
Watch your Actions, they become habits.
Watch your Habits, they become character.
Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny.

3)
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than what you settle for.

4)
"Be the change you want to see..." - Ghandi... and jen :)

5)
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly applied, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how
I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! . Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

6)
Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. - Dale Carnegie

7)
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new - Brian Tracy

8)
You may be disapointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you dont try. - Beverly Sills

9)
its never too late to be what you might have been - george eliot

10)
u can do ANYTHING u put ur mind to... everyone has a VERY POWERFUL mind that can make ANYTHING happen. if u DOUBT u can accomplish something, then u WONT accomplish it. u have to HAVE CONFIDENCE in ur ability, & then BE TOUGH enough to follow thru. - bjoa

11)
dont settle for the one you can LIVE with, but settle for the one that you cant live WITHOUT.

12)
"IF YOU DONT CHANGE, YOU STAY STUCK" - i really like this one from "And the dream..."


13)
As we grow up: we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous~

the wash

whew! finally got a little time to breathe for an entry. so everything looks like it's starting to fall into place for bakitwhy.com. got the skeleton up and now it's time to put some meat onto it. i'm really stoked - more fired up about this than work, but work is pretty slow right now. i got put on another project and it's funny how one project that i did about a year ago has totally changed my attitude about my capabilities. don't get me wrong, i still don't know what i'm doing, but at least i'm confident that i can get it done. i, at least, know where to begin!

oh, the other night i went to barnes to finally use the gift card that my sac family gave me. THANK YOU!!! :) i had to buy RoadTrip Nation again to get ideas on what kind of interview questions to ask. on top of that, i bought HAMLET. it's actually a kinda translation guide to Hamlet. One side is Elizabethan language and the other side is common coloquial english. then i bought this book called 3AM Epiphany (how fitting). it's just a whole bunch of writing exercises that i needed to help me grow as a writer. and finally i bought the if... book. stuff that make you go hmmm... kinda stuff. again to give me ideas to explore my mind and my way of thinking. also to use to fill up my blogs and just keep writing.

i left a message for alex last night asking for some paperwork i guess i need to fill out to become a board member. in the back of my mind, i'm probably gonna get rejected by them, but on the other side of my mind, the object is not to get accepted or not. it's to actually fill it out and take that step. that's more important.

the one thing that i've kinda stopped doing is keeping up with my guerilla tagalog lessons. the thing i'd do to teach myself is watch TFC, which was mostly PDA at the time, and write down the words i didn't know. then i'd go to my online tagalog-english dictionary (which is in my links section) and look it up. my vocab got a little bigger, but it's still hard for me to put things together. like i just wrote another email to che and i'm like stumbling all over the place. but i try. i just wish i was better. just gotta stick with it i guess.

oh, i just finished the most awesomest play yesterday called "the wash" by philip kan gotanda. it's so good that i'm going to order it from the dramatist's guild. it's about a separated "more-mature" couple in their 60's that have separated and how this separation not only effects them, but their daughters and the new people in their lives. the characters are japanese-americans and have that cultural aspect of it, and as i read it, i couldn't help but think of my parents relationship. is it a cultural thing that the wife takes care of the house and the man just takes care of other stuff, but not be "loving"? the man, Nobu, was cold and didn't really show that much appreciation for Masi, his wife, until it was too late. here is the synopsis from dramatists.com:

=====

THE STORY: Nobu Matsumoto has separated from his wife Masi at her request, though both of them are in their sixties. Nobu's newfound bachelor life is regularly interrupted by Masi who comes by to pick up and drop off Nobu's weekly laundry as part of the duties she still feels a Japanese wife owes to her husband. Their two daughters have opposing feelings about the breakup; Marsha, the more traditional of the daughters, wants to reunite her parents, but not even Nobu and Masi's nostalgia for their courtship in a World War II Japanese-American internment camp can bring them back together again. The other daughter, Judy, who's been estranged from her father since marrying a black American, has been supportive of her mother's attempt at freedom. It is not until Masi tentatively begins a relationship with Sadao, a widower, that the severity of Nobu's traditional values reveals itself; he is inconsolable, obstinate and reclusive, leaving Kiyoko, a widowed restaurant owner who has fallen in love with him, unable to break down his defenses and get him to begin a new life with her. Finally, Masi's decision to divorce Nobu pushes him to the point where he begs her to return to him, but the marriage is irreparable, and Nobu is left at the end of the play contemplating how best to re-acquaint himself with his daughters, friends and most important, his ex-wife now that he begins to perceive that things can never again be as they were.

=====

i was really touched and inspired by this play and hope to see it performed one day.

oki dokes. that's all for now.

catching up

Hey. Been a while. Woo-hoo! It's my birthday weekend! I really haven't been stoked about one of my birthdays in a while. I guess it's because I'm excited about some of the things I want to give myself :) Just thinking about what makes other people's birthday's special for me. One, is because it's their birthday and not mine. And 2, because of the gift I'd give them.

In my case, I'm excited to FINALLY hear "A Dance..." being read. In addition to this is the future of the play. I really want to have it, and other plays, produced. To have an audience. I guess this is because of "The Love Edition" @ Bindlestiff. Another thing excited I'm about is launching a new website called, "BakitWhy?". I'm hoping to have a soft-launch it on my birthday, so there's a heap of work to do still, but at least a skeleton will be in place. It's been something I've been thinking about for a couple of years.

There was a special get-together for BJ's 2-year on Sunday. It was a really beautiful experience. A prayer kicked off the evening and words were shared about our memories of him. I was, of course, asked to begin the reflections. It was odd again that me and Bri were asked to start the Karaoke too. Kinda weird really. I'm still regarded as a Sacramentian even though I've lived here for almost 2 years. Back to the celebration - it was one. Of course, tears were shed, but there was also a feeling of finally being able to let go, even though that's still easier said than done. Rissa seemed to have a good time. She rocked out with singing "Borderline"! We also got together and discussed what should become of the BJ Memorial Fund. A lot of great ideas came out of it - a camp/trip to the pi to learn about indeginous instruments to creating something that will give back to the health care of the community, something that beej talked/lived about.

I was also approached by someone with the 'Stiff asking me if I was interested in becoming a Board Member. At first, I was taken aback by this request. Mostly because I'm brand new to everything. I'm in a transition mode to get to know everyone and establish myself in this community. Would anyone even listen to me since I'm from the "outside"? But after talking about it with my bro, he flat out said, "You know you want to do it!" bs, aside, i do. for some reason, people has always wanted me to be a "leader", and i've always been pushing that idea aside. but looking back, i've always been one to make/be part of a change. a positive change for the group. to be responsible and take the first step. maybe that's why when jen and jason asked me to be the first to say something about beej, i said sure. i'm learning to use/hear bj's voice/request/command to STEP UP! not be afraid anymore. to finally have a reason to see the things that other's have seen in me for a number of years.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

laterz.

Being Real

i wish that i was "deep" like a lyrical poet. if i was, then maybe i could be the writer i wish i could be - someone that can move someone else's soul by the words that melt from the pen to their heart. sometimes the tinge of jealousy rings at my core while blog-surfing as a profound passage from a person's thoughts makes me ponder my own fate in life. sometimes i ask myself, why can't i do that?

but i realize that i'm me. maybe, because i don't think that i can be as deep as someone else, i'm lacking in some respect of me as an artist. but in reality - being real - f that way of thinking. i am who i am. i have been conditioned for so long to only see my self-worth through other people's eyes. to a degree, i still do - but it tends to wear a person down - to take every blow of wanting to please someone, except for me, made me want to shut down/out of living for the only person that matters in the end - me.

keeping it real - i write for me. i have, like the other blog writers whom i admire, my own voice - deep or not - it's mine! the only thing i can do is to make my voice, audibly and internally, HEARD. i AM an artist. i won't judge at what level i am an artist because that's when i stop being one. in this desperate struggle to make a living by working to pay the bills, the artist in me has been dying. each day's worth of coding the various acronyms of HTML, JS, CSS, AS, and SHIT to make the $$$, a piece of my soul gets more and more lost in the darkness i have created for myself. ironic when "making a living" kills the inner soul of the person i loved when i couldn't even scrape two nickels together. luckily, i'm not dead yet!

the time for saying "i wish" is over. the glimmer of light is peeking over the horizon and i gladly run to it. it's like finally seeing home - a place that's warm and nurturing... and i'm no longer alone. a bunch of my friends are already there urging me in to the embers of a creative world of passion and love for being who i truly am... for being me - being real.

Friends..

I found this while blog-surfing. I think this person is from England, so please read this with an English accent:

Friends

How would you determine friends? Recently one of my friends got duped by her good friend, another says he has no friend and another... oh well forget it.

Why should we be afraid to show your truest self? Afraid to show our weakness? Afraid of making mistakes? Or afraid that we won't have many friends? Yeah it might be amazing to make 10 friends in 1 day, but I certainly appreciate to be able to know 1 friend in 10 years.

To those who have been deeply hurt, get past there and move on. You have learned to fight not only physically but also mentally. At every dawn break you are moving on to be a more sensible and mature adult. And in the midst of all these struggles will we know, learn and find out something about ourselves, eventually.

At the end of the day, brush everything aside and hug harder, smile bigger, laugh louder and loveeee longer!

Cheers to the living! =D

207 Clipper Street, SF, CA

just reflecting on a house that i spent a good 4-5 years of my life in. found out that it's up for sale and is finally leaving the Balderama family. i know that it's a hard decision for them since it was the first house that lola and lolo bought. i've seen the pictures from then as well. but it's time to move on i guess.

one story that stands out is the time that beej slept over, and it was raining, and there's a leak in the roof. and in the middle of the night i hear "Ahhhhh!" i woke up and said, what? he stepped into the puddle! sorry! yup. that house was definately a fixer upper. but from the pix, it looks like some good work was done.

anyways, later gatorz!

bindle-hall town meeting!

i'm still recovering from my trek back from the city tonight! after another long day at work, i went to bindlestiff for a hall meeting. a ton of people showed up, and gayle led the way :) a lot was covered and i'm really excited to get back into the swing of things. briefly, this was what was covered: Production Team "member"- ship, Artist Group participation and applications, Workshops, 6th street safety, budget, the future home of the 'stiff, and a special presentation from SAVE! a lot of stuff!

sorry for the short entry. i'm just really tired right now. meaning i'm getting OLD!

lates my peeps!

odd dream

a couple of nights ago, i had this odd dream. i was in a race and a part of it was through a mall. so there were these escalators and stairs and a maze of hallways that went all over this mall. it reminded me of Glorietta in Makati, which is a maze in a crazy layout. but yeah we were running through there and when we got out there were absolutely no signs as to where to go. so we just started running all over the city... and i'm not even sure what city. totally weird, but then the scene switched.

then somehow, this person from my past wandered into my dream. "what are you doing here?" "i don't know. it's your dream." :) it was a total surreal experience... but it was a dream. i wonder how she's doing though. i haven't seen this person since her wedding. she looked amazing. that was a long while ago. when my dad passed away, she called my mom but she didn't leave her info. but she did tell my mom that she got divorced. her ex-husband's name was Jade. i never met him prior to their wedding. it was weird why we never hooked up. i was going to write her name, but i'd be way embarrassed if she found this by googling her name and this blog came out. for now, i'll just use LM. we knew each other since elementary school. but i don't think we got close until middle and high school. we were in band together and a whole bunch of "smart" classes together.

then there was the DRAMA. in high school, my girlfriend, Jennifer and her boyfriend, Roberto, cheated on both of us with each other. gadz, i don't think i've ever told anyone this. not really worth mentioning, i guess. but DRAMA! that was my first foray into being HURT! and needless to say LM was hurt as well. we eventually got through that experience.

it was just weird that she'd just pop up in a dream. i wonder what that means...

speaking of reliving old memories, this morning at church, a flood of them came back. i know that i shouldn't have, but as people spoke at the podium, my past of living in Marina just popped up. one moment was when i was a freshman in high school. i mentioned that i was a band geek. but, we just finished marching in a major competition in pacific grove, and we felt that all the hard work that we put in would pay off with a trophy. this was truly the best we ever sounded and marched. the seniors really wanted this! at the awards ceremony, we didn't even place. then i all the seniors and juniors started hella crying. wow, they take their marching serious! i was hella sad for them. and then, Monterey High, our rivals won 3rd place and as their bus pulled away, a couple of them shouted at us, "LOSERS!" i remember a couple of our seniors, chased after the the bus. a couple of us wondered if whether it was because our band director was black was a reason why we didn't win. we were kids who didn't know any better though... except that there was no other directors "of color" whom was in the competition. of course, Mr. Michael Moss, always took the high road. but it hurt that no matter how hard we worked, we still didn't feel like we were good enough.

other memories that came back was one night when me and LM shared a "moment" across the street at our middle school one night when we just walked and talked about stuff. nothing NASTY or bad cuz Hello? i was in church as these memories came back to me. it was bad enough to not concentrate on the what i was there to do. but maybe it's some sort of sign.

anyways, on to making more awesome memories... have a great night!

Weeee... the incredible speed of dial-up

egadz! i'm writing this post from my humble home in Marina! it's my mom's bday weekend and i bought her a computer. not that i can really afford it, but she deserves one! it's the least i can get for her. not a bad deal for a really bare bones computer, but it has Vista on it which is a complete RAM hog! at any rate, she finally has a way to email me and check for ticket prices for her next trip to Kauala Lampur or something like that!

Next weekend she's coming back up to Alameda for her second birthday present. me and my sister are taking her to the Pacific Orchid Exposition. she LOVES orchids and has become such an avid collector and "connesieur" of them. our patio is full of em, and our outside patio has a bunch more pots. but i was talking about them yesterday, and she was using all this terminology like, "i'm so excited that this one is beginning to spike." wha? "spike" i was really impressed and amazed. i know i shouldn't be but it's nice to see my mom really excited about something. :)

so today, after church and seeing my dad, we're prolly gonna take her to watch a movie. maybe NORBIT since my lil sis says it HIGHLARIOUS! my mom's become a movie maven in these last couple of years. it was a couple of weeks ago that her and my sister went movie hopping. i don't know why i just haven't been able to do that. i definately ain't no saint, but i do have such a strong sense of what is write and wrong. funny thing is, this sense is challenged by the fact that i have been asking my self, in certain situations, "what would Jack Bauer do?" hehe. so the choice between doing what's "morally" right and doing "what NEEDS to be done for the greater good" becomes a little blurred.

i'm mostly confronted in this situation at work. i'm still loving it there, but for a geeky nerdy point, i'm getting so frustrated from my and my teams tech standpoint of not being able to get my work done. i know that i already said that it's not worth getting frustrated in one of my last posts, but i guess i just want to get something done right.

are you messin' with me beej?

really weird things are happening to me today and i'm just wonderin' if my bro has anything to do with it. are you? got up early this morning and ventured to v-town this morning to say hi. he got a next door neighbor so there were these boards that covered his spot. all of the flowers were moved to the side of the garbage can. only a little piece of his marker showed up. i brought a little something from "el nido", where lyn should be now, and placed it with him. also put some flowers there too. said a lil prayer, said that i miss him, and that we all still remember him.

got back to work at 9:30am and all this shit started happening. got a headache from it, and wondered if beej was creating some of it, cuz it was only happening to me and my computer. and then when i went up to the gapeteria to get some lunch, earth, wind, and fire was playing - and i've never heard it played up there! hmm....

crazy hectic day

all this isn't any fun, just a rough day at work with things breaking left and right. it can be so frustrating at times and then i find myself starting to complain, which is something i DETEST hearing and doing. but anytime i catch myself complaining about anything, i turn the problem around and ask, "what could i do within my power to change the situation?" if there isn't anything i can humanly do, then why the f*ck am i complaining about it? kinda like stuff around elections and people start complaining about the government and shit. but shit, if you didn't vote (the part where you ask yourself what could you do to change what you're complaining about) then you shouldn't complain about it. i myself didn't vote in the last round of elections. so i can't complain about stuff. but maybe this is because i've grown apathetic and have a belief that people are so stuck in the status quo that peeps can't change anything! then again, the demos came out in full force and there was a lot of seat changes that happened!

what i'm talking about is much bigger than my lil 'ol community. in that facet, i do believe that everyone can make a difference. like ST. there are times when i get frustrated cuz there a certain additions i'd like to see happen. point blank. if i really wanted to make things happen, i should make it happen. period... if it's possible. *sigh* hence, i've stopped complaining, cuz i can't make things happen. *boo!*

what else is happening? oh, i signed up for a "Visual Arts" workshop with Bindlestiff that starts feb 25. the workshop covers creating visual arts via puppets, movie making, and something else that i can't think of at the moment. i just NEED to do something since sac is so far away and i'm creatively PARCHED! we'll just have to see how that goes.

okidokes, have a good one!

7 weird things/habits about me.

got this idea from mah sister's blog!

here are 7 weird things/habits about me.

1) i take little tiny baby steps before i start to bowl

2) i NEED to yawn or pee like 30 times right before i perform for good luck

3) if i have to sleep on the ground, which i don't mind, i circle around my sleeping bag/blankets before lying down. kinda like how a dog would.

4) when i buy anything from the store, i check the packaging/clothes for any imperfections, and buy the "cleanest" one, even if that means looking at every single item on a shelf.

5) if i have to make a sudden stop when i'm driving, i put out my hand in front of the passenger side so that my passenger won't hit the dashboard... even when there's no one riding with me!

6) when i can, and if it's good enough, i like to watch things (plays or movies) multiple times. once, for the fun/pleasure. twice, to study and learn. and more...

7) i can't sleep with socks on.

decisions decisions decisions...

i was plagued all day by thinking about pursuing an MFA. what would i accomplish by getting one. i've already spent 10 long years getting my BFA, well the very long way around to getting one, i got a great job from this degree... and what more am i thinking about. i guess it's just that i need more. i'm not really satisfied yet. and honestly, i'm not doing what i want to do, well, asides from being a playwright.

so i spent most of the day (at work) looking at the aac (yes, i still call that even they changed their name) website for info on their grad program. it'll be a 3 year program - 63 units - at $650/unit!!!! which comes to a grand total of $40,950! holy crap! as i already said, my first stint with them came in about $40K.

Breaking it down, I just have to know if this will be worth it? both from a career perspective and a personal fulfillment view. one thing about me is that i'm a NOMAD! i've never been one to stand still. i just always need to keep moving. it's sad, but i look at almost everything as being temporary. i say almost cuz the only thing i do believe in is the friendship that i have with my family in sacramento! and that's something that i had to re-learn over time. but other than that... it's even a miracle that i was with michelle for over nine years. ha! so given my personal philosophy that a lot of things in life are temporary, it's only natural that i feel that even this job i have won't last forever. since i've left home at 18 to go sac, i don't think i've ever lived in one place for over 3 years (except for sf). i've never had a job that lasted more than 2 years, which i'm just coming to with GAP. add to this, i get bored easy. my mind and imagination are always churning - a weird form of ADD! just can't keep still - which kinda begs the question of if i'll ever find someone to be with. adding to this, i'm having thoughts of if i go back to school and get my degree... in the back of my mind i've had thoughts of moving away. it's still just a THOUGHT! i haven't even applied yet! urgh! BJ, why'd you have to move away and plant these thoughts in mah head!?! hehe.

better jet and start working on my portfolio :)

grad school

i can't believe that i'm even entertaining the thought, but i'm thinking about going back to school! of course, i can't afford it still, but there's always financial aid. egadz, just thinking about that it cost me $40,000 to go to the aac. so, basically, i'm going to be in debt FOREVER! so where did this, "going back to school" thought come back into my head? i don't know! i guess i'm just bored and there's still so much for me to learn in this crazy field. plus, i miss school.

we'll see. i've rsvp'd to attend a graduate studies thingy at the school on march 10th.

bummed

24 isn't even over yet, and i'm bummed. really :(. turns out that i'm finding stuff out about some of the characters that I DIDN'T want to know about! they died! mutherfucker!

i can't even digress. i feel so cheated!

OH SHIT! just when i'm all depressed... the show pulls me back in! i still don't know who the hell this morris guy is, but oh... daymn! they got him! awww sucka sucka! alright i'm hooked again! still bummed, but hooked! wtf!!! i just finished the show! daymn!

don't trust anyone!

So I've been spending the last 2 weeks getting caught up on 24 since it's already into it's 6th season. Right now, i'm 4 hours away from finishing season 2. I FRICKEN' LOVE THIS SHOW. i've been renting the season 2 dvds from my local vid store - except for 4 episodes that i bought from itunes, cuz i couldn't wait to go to the vid store. does that make me obsessed? if it does, then i am. i'm really glad that i'm starting from the beginning. it's nice when they reference things from the past season like when someone dies, now i'll know what they're talking about. jack bauer is a HERO! mostly what i've learned from the show, "Don't Trust Anyone! (except for Jack)" really quick, the flaw that i see in him though is that he'll always pick the good of the country over the needs of his family. but that's what makes him a compelling character.

i got an email from che yesterday. really quick "how are you?" i'm just thinking about what i'll do and kinda re-exploring the person i am by my actions... i'll fill yalls in when i do what i need to do.

oh, i just found out that PDA is going on tour! i'm SO EXCITED! they'll be coming to SD and SF and other places in the US. i'm so happy for them for this opportunity to even leave the country. i'm excited to see IRISH back here too. i read in an article about yeng - she can't speak english that well, and that she mostly writes her lyrics in tagalog and when she submitted to her record's producers that they said that her english was bad too :( but yeah, i can't wait to see her and all of them! i wish that my favorite singer from the show will be there - YVAN! so my plan is to go down to SD and watch it there and if i have enough money, then i'll want to watch it up here in SF too! mostly to see IRISH speak to her northern cali peeps! i was really disappointed when Cheryl Burke didn't give a shout out to her Northern Cali fans when she was here! frickin' canned speeches!

egadz, i still miss my PDA. also because i've gotten out of watching TFC. my tagalog skills, or lack thereof, have diminished even more cuz i've stopped watching. and my only reason most of the time was just to watch PDA. *sigh*

so bj's passing anniversary is coming up soon. i still miss him, but don't shed a tear as often. thanks to my lil sis, xle, for the diskarte cd. i still hear his voice. what did happen to my diskarte cd? speaking of the cd, i still remember when i bought it at their gig at la pena in berkeley. man, watchin' my fave song, RIVER, live was amazing. especially the spoken word piece. that was the first time i met his SF friends too. i remember telling jen how much i loved her voice. that was an amazing night! good times, good times. miss you beej!