Happy Birthday To Me

welps. i'm 35... but to be honest i still feel like i'm in my twenties. i actually don't have anything formally planned. i'm not sad or anything about it cuz believe me i've had plenty of birthdays which have been the best times spent with my friends and family that will still last me for the next couple of birthdays. but for reals, i'm just happy to spend this day working on "A Dream...", bakitwhy, and maybe my portfolio. It's really nice to take a day off of work though and have absolutely no guilt! fuck that, i deserve a day for me.

for bakitwhy, i need to build my list of people i want to interview. i should write a vision, mission, and goals for the site too. if anything, it's to keep me focused. especially since i'm so scatter-brained. but then again, it's my site, and i'll see where it goes. i've been really organically artistic - just letting things flow and see where they land. in college, while trying to "focus" on lectures, i would just doodle and then in these doodles, i'd see objects and try to add on to the doodle to make the objects come forward. like when you look up in the clouds and you say stuff like, "hey that cloud reminds me of Gary V's ears." stuff like that. but lately, i've really been taking that step and applying that to daily routines.

oh yeah, i'm thinking of putting together a soundtrack for the reading tomorrow. i am so thankful for my friends who've agreed to help me out on this first round of my crazy dream! jeez, i don't think i remember the last time i even looked at the script. i bet it sucks now! we'll find out for sure tomorrow.

on a sad note, my dear family lost their mom & lola. my thoughts and prayers go to them. i never really knew my own lola, but i was close to michelle's lola, and i regarded her as my adopted grandma since i've known her for a long time. as i talked to auntie about her mom, i couldn't help but think of francisca balderama too, and trying to associate my feelings with hers... and the sense of loss and struggle. i was with michelle's entire family when her lola passed. she died in the home that we lived in when we went to school at the Academy. i'm not going into details, though very memorable, because those are still private moments that are shared by the family. i've probably said too much already.