I Give Up

So I walk by this animation company that's across the street from my work, and over the fence, I see what looks like the top of a volleyball net. Upon further review... it was. And not only that, there's sand under it! Craziness! Let's review... they have a basketball court, a soccer field, a basketball court, a pool, a gym... and a beach volleyball court?!

I give up!

crabs

New Thing: I'm gonna put a kibbosh on the number system on the new stuff. New thing: Eating crab from a shell. I swear, how many times have I been to Joe's Crab Shack, and to have still never had crab from there. I guess I got over my thing of getting messy and just went for it. I'm such a newbie, cuz I didn't even finish my legs =p it was really good! I can't wait to go back to sharpen up my crab crackin' skillz!

happy bday Krystle!

Learning to love life for what it's worth

I think that I might have something that has been in my family on my Dad's side for as long as I can remember. Actually, I know that all my dad's brothers and sisters had it and they all passed away because of this disease. For just some reason, I haven't brought myself to check myself out. I haven't been to the doctor in ages and the last time I did, I asked to check this because of my family history. Nope. But as I said this was ages ago.

Something happened to me a couple of months ago when I was in San Diego for a wedding. We, my family, went to the nearest Mall and I went off on my own. I was chillin in the Apple Store when all of a sudden, I started seeing "stars" and my vision was getting wonky. I remember touching a mouse and when i let go, I literally had a pool of sweat from my finger on the mouse. That's never happened to me before. I was trippin' hard. I went outside of the store to get some air and sat down. I kinda knew what was happening to me, but at the same time, I wasn't sure. Luckily, I had some wits about me, and barely made it up the escalator to the food court. I got some food, I think Chinese, and started to feel better.

I guess the point of this story is that 1) I know that I should get myself checked out and 2) Something in me already knows what I have but is telling me to just go on and whatever happens happens. I'm to the point where I'm thinking "what if I cross this street and I get hit by a car" or "if I turn this corner, will someone try and mug me and get shanked!" There's a part of me that really feels like... well, let's just say that I'm trying to do all I can in the amount of time I have left. I'm spending as much time with friends as I can. I drive ridiculous amounts of miles to try and put things in my memory databanks. I'm trying like hell to make this play happen just so I can say that I left something of me behind. Something that matters to me. To anyone else, that's up to them, but at least I TRIED! I've tried to mend any bridges I might have burned. I'm trying not to hate on anyone nor spread, or participate, in tsismis. I've made peace with my spiritual side as evidenced by my previous posts. I realize how much I've been blessed to have at least known what real love is even though it didn't last - although it did last for a nice amount of time.

As I said, this ain't no suicide letter or anything. Please, I got a ton of stuff still to accomplish in life. But I am preparing. Maybe, hopefully, this is just a midlife thing.

Bayang Barrios

Just listening to some songs of Bayang Barrios... she has one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. It's like not only can I hear her voice, but I can truly feel her soul. Kinda like whenever I hear R sing. It's that feeling. No big vocal acrobatics or projecting to the back of the theater... just a beautiful voice. Now, I see what Beej loved about her.

What am I doing?

One homily that has always stuck in my head was when one of the rotating priests came through my Lil church in Marina and told a story about this man who kept praying and praying to God to win the lottery. "Please Lord, let me win the lottery! I'm so desperate and life is so bleak." Time went on and on and on, yet the man never won the lotto. Then one day the man died. When he got to heaven, he asked why his prayers were never answered. The response he got was, "You can't win the lottery if you never bought a ticket."

I relate this story to my life so many times. Take for instance, the play that i'm directing. It's been 2 years after I've written it and in that span, I've been hoping and praying that someone else would produce and direct it. It hasn't happened yet, so, I had to "buy a ticket" and pursue that dream on my own. There's one thing to have faith in prayer, but it's also a reminder that it takes two to make a dream happen. You, the dreamer, to take action, and the Higher Being to listen. The other part of faith is that if after all you did and you're prayers aren't still answered... then maybe another plan is set for ya.

one of the things on my list of prayers, along with God watching over everyone I love and their families, is that I find love... but I know that I have to "buy a ticket" first and get out there.

=) and :(

Good news... =) i just get happy when someone, anyone, i love has looove. so, ironic that the person who broke my heart passed this bit o' wisdom on to me! but she's right. if you really love someone, then all that matters is that they are happy. C'mon Karma... daddy needs love too! Did I mention that I'm a dreamer?

Bad news... :( Warriors lost last night on a BAD CALL by the ref. SUCKS! and then the A's just lost on a bad running play. It's not that they lost, it's how they lost. GRRRR...

to do...

grrr...

- redo the production schedule, which is more and more hard to do because i STILL don't have a lead. GRRRR...

- finish my play for stories high. due 3/31

- research 1968 Student Protests at SFSU. Birth of ethnic studies program and Filipino American Student movement with PACE.

- research for new site I want to launch after play is wrapped

- proposal for production and writing workshop

- wrap present (shhh...)

- atpb...

sad state

before i turn in, i just needed to get something off my chest. it's a sad, very sad, state of affairs when peeps are still using racist and derogatory remarks towards each other behind the anonimity of these social inter-networks. i'll admit right now that i'm slightly addicted to a video on youtube regarding the JabbaWockeez last performance on America's Best Dance Crew and have posted a few of my comments ranging from "text 2 to 23882" to "JC, please leave your bow-tie and thing you were doing at 3:18 at home!" but some of those 2000 comments are really stepping over the line referring to the stereotypes of cultures and skin color with some homophobic slurs thrown in as well. It's really sad. I may be overly sensitive to this, but there's gotta be a point when peeps gotta respect others instead of spreading poisonous language, and moreso, thoughts like this for everyone to see and pick up on, especially the younger folk, who just love seeing the real America's Best Dance Crew - JabbaWockeeZ.

lates.

Concerts List

I just wrote about the Night of Champions 2 concert I saw last night, but putting things into perspective, I started to think about what are my 5 favorite concerts. This is a personal list not only based on the concert itself, but on the overall experience, before and after the concert.

1) Gary V. at Cache Creek 2004 - Top of my list because I saw this with the person who first introduced me to Gary Valenciano. The combination of seeing Gary with him, as well as the concert itself put this at the top of my list. I swear, Gary sang every one of our favorite songs. It was like, this is my first, and possibly, my last concert here so I'll sing everything! Luckily, it wasn't, but for BJ... I'm just glad to have that experience with him.

2) All the other Gary concerts at Cache Creek - I know that this may seem like a copout to list all these together, but each one was special after the first mentioned above. Like seeing it with Lyn and my other close friends. Watching it in the FRONT ROW and taking a new person to see him :) Seeing Angeli sit in the front row with us. Actually grabbing his hand and thank him, for what might seem to him a great concert, but for me, everything. good times. good times.

3) Last night's concert.

4) Janet's Velvet Rope Concert. Just because this was the first concert that I've slept all night to get tickets for... and it wasn't even floor tickets! Hey, I was a college student. But now that I have a jobby job and watching Gary in the front row TWICE, i'm spoiled. Man, that was a cold night. We were gonna sleep outside the doors of the Wherehouse on Howe near Arden, but it was freezing. And if other's were, then we would too, but we just stayed shivering in the car until either 5 or 6 when others started lining up. Crazy college experience.

5) Gary at the Bill Graham Auditorium in SF. First time taking Michelle to see him, and made her a fan of not only him, but of the Side A Band who performed with him. I forgot what year this was, but it was when his greatest hits 1 and 2 came out. We were in the 10th row center aisle and never thought that I'd ever get closer. But what I think made this night special was in hearing over 2,000 people sing the chorus of "Sana Maulit Muli" in unison a capella. Just incredible!

Only if I'd seen BSB, N'Sync, NKOTB back in the day they'd be on this list, but also being that I'm a guy... I probably wouldn't have even said that I went to these concerts. Oh... but i did go to see O-Town at Great America with Michelle and her niece. And let me clarify her 10 YEAR OLD NIECE. I didn't see them by myself. hehe.

Honorable mentions in no order...

- O-Town. Were it not for the screaming girls, they were pretty good!

- Kelly Clarkson. I love her and her ducka-ducka-ducka and cool beans.

- Spanish fly.

- Jocelyn Enriquez at Paradise Beach in Citrus Heights. Her back up dancer named Joy was hot! I wanted her autograph more than Jocelyn's.

- Lumpiapalooza 2. my lil sister sang Lumpang Hinirang and One Vision, well 3 of them, sang there! hella tight!

- Big Shrimp. They're a Fil-Am punk band who played at the Paradise Lounge in SF. They also played a showcase at SFSU and refused to leave the stage after their time was up and kept playing... and the audience wanted them too!

- Julie Plug. Caught them at just about every performance in SF, but favorite was when they played for a private party for the Academy of Art College, in which Des, the lead singer was a student. She gradated with me :) Oh, I almost forgot watching them at the Fillmore. Too cool.

- Christina Aguilera, PCD, and Danity Kane and free tix to boot :) Way more amazing than I would have ever thought. Did I mention the tickets were free?

One of the best concerts

One of closest friends took me to a concert on Saturday night in San Jose, and I can honestly say that it was one of the best ever. The concert was called Night of Champions 2 featuring Mark Bautista, Rachelle Ann Go, Christian Bautista, and Sarah Geronimo! At first I just wanted to see Sarah cuz she's AMAZING! She's still so young, but she has such amazing talent, triple threat talaga, and still seems so humble. I think that the Filipino talent scene in the Philippines is so dense with SO MANY "artists" that it dilutes who's really talented from the one's who can be classed into mediocrity. I mean, some people can look good and excite people, but have absolutely NO TALENT! Let me clarify that thought - NO LASTING TALENT!

I'll admittedly say that I'm not an expert on the complete who's who of everyone in the Filipino Talent Industry, but I will give credit to whom I think has this kind of staying power. When I think of Gary Valenciano, Sharon Cuneta, and Regine Velasquez, I think Legends. Not just in thier talents, but in the way they not only approach show business, but in how they conduct themselves in life. There are more artists than those three, but these are the first that come into mind. Given this, I believe that Sarah has this potential too. She's so young and she has so much life to live still so time will tell, but I truly hope that she can keep it up.

Back to the concert. Amazing. My favorite moment wasn't with Sarah though, it was with Rachelle Ann and Christian. Because of tsis-mis and stuff, they were a couple, but I don't know how, but they seem to be good friends still. But Rachelle started singing something about "Not being the right time, but maybe somewhere down the line..." and then Christian came out and then they started singing "There's a place for us" (something like that) from West Side Story. It was just trippy cuz, like a real life musical, it was like a real story told in song between these couple as the audience knew it. And they held hands while they sung to each other. Craziness! Other highlights were Christian singing a couple of Gary songs, Mark riling up the crowd, and whenever Sarah sang. It was just nice to see real singers on stage not having to depend on dancing, dancers, pyro, or any fluff to show them as they were - amazing God-given talented artists.

If you're reading this, THANK YOU for thinking of taking me to see and experience this!

Text 2 to 23882

Gary's Podcast 003

Earlier, I wrote about Gary's podcast, and just in case it disappears, it'll always be here :) These are the song clips that are featured:

1) Shout for Joy - a remix by Gabriel Valenciano
2) Home
3) Friends
4) when I Hear You Call
5) Letting Go
6) Stand By Me

Gary Valenciano - Podcast 003

MTV is Rigged!!!!

I joined this group on Facebook, called "MTV is rigged!!!!!"

I'm watching America's Best Dance Crew right now, and guess what? MTV is rigged!!!!!

Let Go and Let God

so it's documented that i had a kawawa kinda weekend because of auditions and not feeling i had a lot of support from a couple of organizations. added with other things. needless to say, i've been feeling crummy for the last couple of days.

but as i've always said, everything happens for a reason. so i got this comment from another dear friend regarding a post that i put up a hecka long time ago. the post was about a podcast that my idol put up regarding his upcoming cd. it was really sweet of her to acknowledge that i put it up, especially knowing that she's a big fan of his too. out of curiosity, i checked his site and sure enough, his site is updated with a new podcast, with more snippets from Rebirth.

the songs are amazing and i can't wait the cd to come out. but i was pleasantly surprised to hear one of my favorite songs performed as a group with his band, the Powerplay. the song is called Letting Go. this was the song that a couple of years ago, brought me closer to God and my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. there's a verse in that song that goes, "And then one night, out of blue, I heard his name, (Jesus), and so I took that step of faith and walked into his domain." That one night was a concert at Cache Creek. I don't know what happened, but something touched me. something to tell me to "lean not on my own understanding."

as I said, i had a frustrating last couple of days. but during Gary's intro to this new rendition of "Letting go" he reminded me that especially in this time of being unsure and wondering why? am i trying to get this play up, that i had to let go and let God. I heard this this morning and i immediately felt better. And earlier today I got an email from a producer saying that i had support from an organization regarding co-sponsorship and rehearsal space.

*Lord, Thank You for Everything you have given me. My life is Yours to do what You want me to do with it. Please watch over my friends, and everyone who has touched my life for the better, and for the not so better, and their families. I pray this to you for them, for without them and You, I am nothing. In Jesus's name, Amen.*

My Life with Samahang Pilipino

So, I was up on facebook, well, I'm always up on facebook, and I wrote something on a "friend's" wall and told her about my lil convo with my sister who goes to, as she refered to it somewhere before, slack state. we were jib-jabbering away and she told me that the members of a certain group i belonged to can be found on the second floor. *breaks screeching!* wha-wha? did i hear correctly? 2nd floor?

hold up. when I went there back in the early 90's, that's what i did, with the same club. hmmm... of course, i need to confirm it with my two eye jibblets, but when i was there maybe a year or two ago, i remember seeing a lot of similar skinned peeps hanging out in basically the same chairs, that me and the other samahang people did.

back to my facebook friend, so yeah. i told her that they were still hanging out there. and her response was, Cool! They're still going strong! Uh... I guess. But it's just interesting how things have evolved into... well. I guess things haven't.

my life with Samahang Pilipino
i moved 300 miles away from my small village called Marina to experience the big city life! unfortunately, i found myself going to sac o' tomatoes state ew-nivercity. i was alone, and i didn't have any friends... except for the friends i found with the filipino club, samahang pilipino. my cousins were part of it, which went back hecka in the day. now, growing up in marina, i wasn't really exposed to what it was to be "filipino." my high school was primarily made up of a bunch of army and navy brats before ft. ord closed. it was very multicultural. so multicultural that we really didn't have any multicultural club. well, except for the islander club, that celebrated Hawaiian and Tahitian culture which members consisted of about all FILIPINOS. Let's save that gripe for another post :\ back to SP. these cats were some of the first people i felt comfortable with mostly because they knew the difference between an eggroll and a lumpia (it's basically the same thing, but we knew what a lumpia was). because of this connection, i became really involved with them.

it was a pretty good experience in my life. i didn't graduate from that school, aka drop-out, but if anything, i learned a lot about myself from being associated with them:
- how to play quarters
- how to jump over a fence when the cops went to break up a party at a frat house
- sleeping drunk (passed out) in a car can be considered public drunkeness
- developed crushes on far too many pinays in the club, and be constantly teased because of it
- the college body can adapt to going out clubbing tuesday - sunday nights
- how to put on a PCN with nothing more than 20 members and a dare to dream
- that peanuts do stay crunchy when you roll them in a lumpia
- how to negotiate an extra 5 minutes of a dance routine at friendship games
- what it feels like when the people whom you thought was your closest friends talk smack about you behind your back... by watching it on a video
- to be disowned by someone, and his/my friends, because i refused to let him copy a test off of me
- to have a close friend stop talking to me, because her boyfriend was jealous of our friendship.

the last point was the facebook friend i was talking about. for all the great things i learned and experienced from being associated with samahang, i also learned who are the true friends you can have in life. the people who don't just want to go out every night and put down those who don't. admittedly, i was a part of that clique. in high school, i was a band geek, a talented one at that, but i wanted so much to feel like i fit in. i was always trying to be somebody i wasn't even though i didn't know what i was supposed to be. one thing i wasn't though, was me. i didn't have a mind of my own, because to do, would mean that i'd be something i didn't want to be again - alone. i guess that's why i admire ... so much.

When i got involved with another group, everything sorta changed for me for the better. i found a community of people who were artists, performers, dorks... friends of whom after 14 years i consider family. albeit sometimes dysfunctional, but family nonetheless.

it's funny how things happen for a reason. life is funny that way. being a part of SP, in that space in time, makes me realize how much I've gained in the presence of the company i still keep. there are a select few that i do keep in touch with ;) from that era, one of whom got me a job in the city. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that in the end, i am grateful for each person that has come and gone from my life for they made me what i am today. But i am truly Blessed to know that the people I have in my life right now allows me to be whatever i want to be - me.

I’ve Done 84 Out Of 150 Things

Level 1
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) done drugs
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 2

Level 2
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
() been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
SO FAR: 4

Level 3
(x) snuck out of a parent’s house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone out on a blind date
SO FAR: 6

Level 4
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 8

Level 5
( ) had/have a crush on one of ur MYSPACE friends
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 11

Level 6
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been skiing
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
( ) been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 13

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) taken pain killers
( ) love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 15

Level 8
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
SO FAR: 19

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 24

Level 10
(x) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
SO FAR: 28

Level 11
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer
SO FAR: 31

Level 12
(x) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
(x) had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 34

Level 13
( ) had/have braces
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 36

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 39

Level 15
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying
SO FAR: 43

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) Sang
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
SO FAR: 48

Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
( ) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 51

Level 18
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 55

Level 19
( ) crashed a party
(x) have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
SO FAR: 58

Level 20
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed “penis” in class
( ) ate dog food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
SO FAR: 58

Level 21
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have/had a little black dress
( ) had sex in the woods
( ) had sex in a park
( ) had sex in a car
( ) had sex in your parents room
SO FAR: 60

Level 22
( ) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
( ) kissed a fish
( ) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) Sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 60

Level 23
( ) had sex at a church
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 63

Level 24
( ) didnt take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house
(x) scared to watch scary movies
SO FAR: 67

Level 25
(x) believed/belive in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail
SO FAR: 68

Level 26
( ) played chicken
( ) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) been told you’re hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
SO FAR: 70

Level 27
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made a porn video
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
SO FAR: 73

Level 28
( ) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone’s name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
(x) been kicked out of your house
SO FAR: 79

Level 30
(x) Rode a roller coaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
( ) Black-mailed someone
( ) been black mailed
SO FAR: 82

Level 31
(x) Been used
(x) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat
( ) bitten someone
SO FAR: 84

Re-Post With I’ve Done _ Out Of 150 Things

life as a KUYA

the only reason i'm posting so much is that i'm doing some research on blogging for work! and I'm learning a lot of stuff that we can hopefully use and learn from.

But back to the subject. Way back in the day was this guy named Moonie who started pinoylife.com. One of the first great blogs to capture my attention as it talked about all the good... and not so good stuff about being a filipino-american in this country.

Anyways, I stumbled on this article posted on another awesome blog called Brown Scene. The article starts off like this:

The PinoyLife Guide to Not Being a Kuya

This actually wasn’t a BrownScene article, but an article that appeared on Pinoylife.com, which was a California-based site that really paved the way for our own online presence.

Sometimes, I wonder if the Editor, Moonie Lantion is still out there doing his thing. Moonie, if you are, holler at us.

Meanwhile, I post this article by Moonie out of nostalgia:

The Pinoylife Guide to Not Being a Kuya
by Moonie Lantion for Pinoylife.com
Disclaimer: This is not to be taken too seriously. It is not meant to put down Pinays but just to poke fun at the fact that most guys I know have been called Kuya and hated it.

I’ll make this real clear. This article is geared towards men. It is in no way meant to appease any women because it will reveal truths that are unspoken but very well known in the minds of most men. I write this to hopefully educate and enlighten my fellow Pinoy brothers in that they may minimize the amount of times they are called the evil word… KUYA. read more...

lates.

paper cut

totally random... what about if there was a kung fu movie where either the villain or the hero is beaten with a series of paper cuts! awwwe fresh.

bye.

CALL FOR SUBMISSION - FINDING GOD

This is a call for submissions of creative nonfiction for an anthology tentatively titled, FINDING GOD. The book will be co-edited by Cecilia Manguerra Brainard and Marily Ysip Orosa and published in the Philippines by Anvil. Contributors will receive copies of the book as compensation for the use of their work.

The manuscript should be approximately 10 pages long, typed, double-spaced (approximately 2,500 words) and should include your contact information on the first page. This can be emailed to cbrainard@gmail.com or to marilyo@yahoo.com.

You may also send it by air mail to:
Cecilia Brainard
c/o PALH
PO Box 5099
Santa Monica, CA 90409
USA

Our vision is to collect essays (creative nonfiction) that describe one’s spiritual journey towards God. We envision the essays to focus on a specific incident that made the writer “find God” or that drew the writer closest to God. We have a preference toward a writing style that uses elements as scene and dialogue. The editors are looking for articles that are lively, specific and visual – articles that address questions such as:
o Have you ever felt abandoned by God or felt your life in shambles, then realized that God was there all along?
o Did you ever have a close encounter with God? How? What circumstances surrounded such an encounter? Describe how such an encounter happened, in specific terms – where, when, how old were you, how did you feel before the encounter, and how did you feel after the encounter? How has your life changed from such an encounter?
o What specific situation was it that made you realize there is a God and that He is close to you?
o Take us on that journey: make us see you and those around you; make us feel what you had felt when you felt abandoned; make us feel what you felt when you discovered God; and make us see how your life has changed after finding God.

Deadline for submission is July 15, 2008. Early submissions are welcome. Please include your bio (approx. 150 words) in people-friendly narrative form, and all contact information (email address, mailing address, telephone number).

*
ABOUT THE EDITORS: Cecilia Manguerra Brainard is the author/editor of 14 books; Marily Ysip Orosa is the publisher of historical coffee table books. Both Cecilia and Marily have won numerous awards for their literary work. They have collaborated on two other anthologies: Behind the Walls: Life of Convent Girls, and the award-winning A La Carte: Food & Fiction, both published by Anvil.

Cecilia has a blog at http://cbrainard.blogspot.com.
Marily has a blog at http://marilyo.multiply.com

Grateful

Family

Friends

...

is that all?

Feeling better

I had a dear friend write me earlier today when I was still kind of in a funk about yesterday. She asked about how's things went yesterday, and I kinda off loaded a lot of the stuff I was going through. But she, as only she can, always knows what to say at the right time: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Thanks Jen!

And one of my favorite sayings, which only sounds right coming from one person: Buck up, little beaver. :)

Foregiveness

Credit Lea's blog:

The act of forgiveness isn't in forgetting past hurts, but in overcoming them.

Pain tends to leave an indelible mark on the heart... we can learn to bypass the scar, but it'll always be around. I know that I've meted out my share of pain to people that were at some point in my life very dear to me, and I can only hope and pray that this grace be given to me too. I cannot expect however... I can only hope.

Forgiveness requires two things: a sincere and heartfelt recitation of contrition and apology, and time. Especially time. I've found that it takes me a long time in order to truly process the hurt and find myself in the right state to forgive someone. I take it to be similar with everyone else, excepting that the time factor varies from person to person. For some it takes an instant... for others, almost a full lifetime.

No, I can't always excuse my own examples of less than ideal behavior... there are things that I have done that are worthy of a good old-fashioned cuss out by the wronged party... there are things I regret saying... there are things I regret doing... but I'd like to think that from those past misdeeds I've grown up, learned from my own mistakes and moved onward and upward. I can only hope that whoever I've wronged will give me the benefit of the doubt.

And if forgiveness never comes, that's fine too.

Life

I've been up since 7 just staring at the ceiling and reliving certain good memories. right now i feel like jessie cates in marsha norman's play, 'night mother. i've had a good run.

Thanks

I looked out across the window and noticed that the house across Florin has an iron fence protecting it's driveway. A lot of cars would pull forward and back into space in front of the the laundromat. Just a few things I noticed while waiting for people to come in and audition for my play. After four hours, I tend to almost notice everything without anything to do. I had my, "Tell me about yourself" speech.

Right now... I'm just sad. Not kawawa. Sad fits. Morose. Depressed. Disappointed. All strongly describes what I feel now, but the word I'm looking for is 3-down, starts with an S, which defined is "Not being able to find a lead actor with roughly 4 weekends before the opening of your play."

On my way home, I really needed to talk to someone without the fear of... well, I won't go there. But I did make a stop and let it all out in my own way. In this visit, I felt assurances that everything will be alright. Don't give up. Keep positive. In short, BELIEVE.

This experience is really testing me on all fronts. I'm scared, nervous, frightened, apprehensive and unsure. I guess all this means the same thing, but you get the picture. But something unexplainable is still pushing me to see this through. Totally on another level push, because the logical left brain, is throwing every negative flags imaginable.

This will happen.

Unreal

I'm not getting flamed. There's some people I really liked, and some were, eh. This is the first night I watched AI. Overall, I'm not impressed.

HOWEVER, what I will say is that I'm hecka jealous about the fact that they get to realize their dream. Especially with that one woman who sang "Let It Be". I love the song, but for realz, all I kept thinking about was seeing her at the end when she stood there with Ryan Seacrest, and just something about her that said, "This is what I've wanted my whole life. Me, a piano, a band, singing on this stage in front of a audience. It doesn't get any better than this." Maybe that's not verbatim what she said in her head, I wasn't listening too closely, but you get the idea. It's kinda the same feeling watching Glen and Marketa from Once when they were on the Oscars while performing. It was like, "this is unreal. We're singing our song in front of all these Hollywood people. Unreal." Again, I'm guessing, but it's just a feeling that I would get if I were them. And it's kinda the feeling I got when I first heard an audience react to something I had written. Unreal.

New thing #16: I went to the Trader Joe's in Emeryville. It feels a little smaller than the Alameda one, but it might just be me. I also bought an ice cream called "Vanilla Mango Soy Cream" uh... trust me, it tastes better than it sounds! Then again, my sister tried it and she said that she couldn't get the taste out of her mouth for a couple of minutes. I liked it!

Stinky Feet Pizza

I drove up to Sac for a web meeting. I that that I got stood up, but I needed to get a lot of work done. So I went to Sac State just because I haven't been there for a while and I felt a little nostalgic even though the WHOLE campus has changed since I left there. Like where did that bookstore come from across from the Union. I think that's where the daycare place used to be. The union, well, i'm still amazed about the changes there and it's been a long while since it's been there.

Anyways, I chilled at Round Table where I got a salad and an iced tea. After working on the Production Schedule, I got a headache and needed a beer. haha. When I went up to order it i got carded!!! and not only that, she asked me my birthdate and i had to wear a stupid bright orange paper bracelet, the kind you get at clubs! WTF? too funny.

Then I got the call that the meeting was on, and my clients met me there. We went over a lot of stuff, so hopefully I'll have a mock up be the end of the week for them. Just the skeleton :) And then they took me out to lunch/dinner at this korean bbq off of bradshaw.

Ok, I ordered sashimi, my FAVORITE! and when I got it, it was FROZEN!!! Uh, hello, sashimi is meant to be Fresh! isn't Sashimi in Japanese, Fresh! Ew. Then when I said, I can't eat this! the waitress said to let it thaw out! WTF? hell no! And when I asked to get something else, she came by with a menu and opened it up for me, but she WOULDN'T let me hold it for myself! WTF?! I ordered a bbq chicken and chilled. This spiritual thing is working cuz, I didn't really get upset after that, and told myself that that moment of time had already past and time to move on and enjoy the rest of the meal. If anything, it's an interesting experience for a story to tell... and here it is.

New thing #16: Sent back a meal. No, I take that back. There was a time when me and Michelle ordered this one pizza from Planet Hollywood, through the advisement of the waitress, and when we got it it smelled like feet. Eww... so we sent that stinky pizza back.

Boring day

Spent the day mostly unwinding from the week and just getting ready for the next couple of weeks. Didn't do anything new.

The mightiest force known to exist

did i do anything new today?

New thing #15: I stayed at work until 7 when I was supposed to leave at 6. Odd, I just wanted to finish a javascript function that i couldn't get working in html until i dumped the code in the ZMI and hacked a way to get it working by passing a var into the new window and using the <dtml-call> to set that var into an object and then displaying that data string to display using a <dtml-var> call. The next step is to figure out how to parse the string for any \n or \r to render a <br/> tag.

TA-DA! And that example of Geek Speak is brought to you by the makers of HTML 4: Visual QuickStart! My first HTML book when I was a freshman at the AAC.

At the very least, you can see just how much I appreciate and need ART to keep me balanced. I've been thinking a lot lately about what being an artist means to me. This sprang up from watching AOTS (America is on the Stage) and watching the potential there. I say potential not in a belittling or condescending way, I admire them for what they are DOING, but potential in terms of being able to continue to pursue the creation of art/song/dance/jokes/graphic design/etcetera long after college is done.

For me and the people that I'm on the same spiritual vibration level on (spiritual speak), we're still and will always continue to be Artists. The ones who seek pleasure of getting away from the world of worry, pain, bills, politics, hollywood, by going into a place of rehearsal, being on stage or even putting a scrapbook together - the place where the hands of seconds, minutes, and hours fall in your presence because you are on a higher level that allows you the freedom to be what God/Vishnu/Bathala/Whomever you consider the Mighty Supreme Being to be, and has always intended for you to be - YOU.

If you consider yourself an artist, then you know it is so engrained into your soul that you couldn't erase it if you, or anyone or anything else, even tried. It's that something that won't allow itself to be killed. It's the one thing that even if your physical presence is no longer with us, that creative soul lives on through what you created for us to carry us through. (Shout out to our boy, BJ Alisago!) Something that powerful because at it's core is the mightiest force known to exist on ANY level - love.

That's Wazzup!

New thing #13: America is on the Stage. I went up to davis to check out America is on the Stage presented by FILAH and it was really cool. I was a tad out of place, but I went with the intention of finding actors! What I got out of it was much more... even though I'm still looking for actors :( What I got was the inspiration by these students who are tapping into their artistic side. There were a couple of short plays performed which reminds me of the spirit of Bindlestiff's Stories High, but a really good outlet. A great time out!

But going up there has also reconfirmed my urgency to produce my play, but to keep writing and writing and putting them on. The artists up in this little stage, proved that there needs to be more written for and by them, and for the Filipino-American community in general. The reason I started writing was because I didn't see enough theater things out there that I could relate to on a cultural level. At least with Bindlestiff, there's an opportunity for me to grow as a writer and really say what I want to say and not have it editted down to a "concept". sorry had to get that off my chest. But yeah, I needed to see and feel the need for something I want to do... and America is on the Stage proved that to me.

New thing #14: I had Pita Sandwich with Babaganouche from Pita Pit. I got to Davis early, so my lil bro and sis took me to Pita Pit in downtown. It was different, new, healthy, and mighty tasty.

Finally

Right now i'm feeling really bad about something i didn't do. I'm sorry.

New thing #12: I finally checked out the Chevy's in Emeryville, the cool one that's lit up on the right side when you go towards SF before the Bay Bridge. It was such a nice day to look across the water and see the City.

Back to why I'm feeling crummy. I usually, maybe not usually, but there's something I try to do for someone before this person does something. And I knew about it a long time ago. I was watching tv and... shit. All I can do is hope that this person knows that you're always on my thoughts. One of the many times that I still wished I was living in Sac.

Oh, I said finally as my title, because, I've finally finished my script for Garden of Dreams. I mean, I've finished it before, but it finally feels done. Like, everything that's personal to me, my thoughts, my beliefs, my memories, and my soul is in this play. Because this is so, the lead character R.J. has hella lines... but so do the others in the cast as they support his story. My original script was 45 pages... it's now 63... just over an hour's worth. There's things I can do, to make it approach full-length (around 90 minutes) but I think I've put out all I can and want to to tell this story... my story.

What's up with the New Things?

I think i answered this, but this is just what's on my mind right now. i guess it's because i'm just thinking about life and stuff and not only asking the questions, what am i doing with my life? or what's the meaning to my life? something esoteric and bigger than me kind of questions. i hope that by not only doing new things every day and more importantly record them, i can get a better understanding to find the path to answer these questions - which is only by opening up new possibilities. there's more to this answer, but i think i'll keep that to myself. if you wanna delve further into my philosophical madness (actually it's quite peaceful feeling) of the moment ,lemme know.


New thing #10: I went to a new restaurant for lunch. As usual, very random, because i was planning to go to Buckhorns for their roadhouse salad (yum!), but i turned a street that led to the parking lot of the Capitola Grille in Emeryville. Was still craving an Asian style salad because I was craving it last night, but other intuitions said to get the BBQ Southwest salad from the mex restaurant in my neighborhood. At any rate, the salad was pretty good, but it was pricey for a salad $11.99. But the cool thing was that Mark Curry from Hangin' with Mr. Cooper sat a couple of booths away. I was trying to make sure that it was him, cuz he kinda looked like Jay-Z. I know that they don't look ANYTHING alike, but that's why i had to look closely. He was with a female companion, so she was blocking my way of confirming his mug. So, I kept bobbing -and-weaving my head around her shoulders to catch a glimpse. I'm never too slick, so when he looked in my direction, i tried to play it off by quickly putting the fork in my mouth and look down. Unfortunately, I didn't have anything on my fork at the time, so I just ended up looking like a dork with a fork. At the very least, I got enough of a glance to see that it was indeed Mr. Cooper!

New thing #11: I'm at starbucks right now at Bay Street with my Green Tea Soy Latte (I know I should try something new instead of this, but I love it too much to try something different yet. later maybe.) with a slice of Red Velvet Cake. I know that i'm watching what i eat, but i couldn't pass up trying something with a decadent moniker as this! it's okay. the cream cheese frosting kicks ass though!

my 300th post on Blogger

I can't believe I have this many posts, but then again, being as random as I am, it's not that big of a surprise. I'm still not counting my other posts on the MySpace and Xanga blogs. for shits and giggles, I went on my Xanga blog a couple of weeks ago and couldn't get over how old those thoughts were. Total flashback to memories and certain people, some of whom are still very close, and some... i guess weren't meant to be.

but that's why I blog. there are peeps out there who are making $$$ by posting up, but this has always been about keeping a record of where i am in my right now. take the good and take the bad, but hopefully each one is honest and truthful, cuz in the end, this blog is for me and not for anyone else. a place to vent. a place to wonder. a place to answer hundreds of questions about "what's on your bed right now?". it's not just a place - it's my place. something to call my own and take responsibility for. 95% of these words are random pieces of life, but i'm always hoping somewhere in that 5% excess, is something that will inspire and leave a lasting thought of me when i move onto the next phase of my soul's existence.

before i turn in, here's more new things from today and over the weekend:

New thing #7: I got a salad from the mexican restaurant down the street. bbq chicken salad. the one at my old work kicks this one's ass out the door, but still okay.

New thing #8: I crossed the new bridge that connects Martinez and Benicia. Hecka fricken cool span over the water.

New thing #9: Discovered the Boniere Bakery on Park Street here in alameda. I'm part of the Birthday Club at work. how it works: you buy a birthday cake for the next person after your birthday. prior to getting the cake, you have to make sure that the person's cake is what they want. So got a 1/4 sheet of chocolate cake with cocoa-butter cream filling with whipped cream icing! So ono! And I chose them because they were the first bakery listed in the google search: bakery alameda.

New thing #10: I picked up these spinach filled pasteries from the farmers market in Marina. They're supposed to be Libyan food, so I had some food from Lybia! That's new and they were GOOD!

blogging triplet

okay, i'm the last one of the blogging triplets to post this... so here it goes!

If someone looked ON your bed, what would they find?
a couple of pillows and some blankets

Last person you drove with?
my sister

Where did you go today?
a bakery, work, bakery, togos, work, el caballo for a bbq chicken salad, home :)

Sleep on your back or stomach?
side.

Are you a cuddler?
yup

What would someone find UNDER your bed?
random boxes of random stuff

Something that happened today that made you angry?
this one person driving a car with green tinted windows with green spinning rims. what the hell?

What were you doing before this survey?
reading some of my Dramatists Guild Guidebook 2008 I just got in the mail.

What will you do after the survey?
make some more changes to my play and figure out a schedule still afer worrying about whom to cast!

Last really funny thing you laughed at?
Stupid green car!

Who was your valentine?
don't need one! wow. so positive.

Do you sing?
not really. mostly fake it. but when i did sing "balikbayan box" a couple of years ago, my soul did.

Who will you see the most this weekend besides family?
not sure yet.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
it depends on who i can trust

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
not playing tennis for my high school team. other than that, i try and make a conscious effort not to.

First thing you do when you wake up?
i try to dream.

Ever had surgery?
uh-uh

What do you want to be?
besides a "successful" playwright, i want to be whole.

How do you feel about the last person who posted this?
i love both of them :)

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
depends how tired i am. but sometimes i just stare at the ceiling waiting for a story to unfold and when it does, i pray that i can remember enough of it to write down in the morning. rare.

Is there a meaning behind the song on your myspace?
i don't have a song anymore.

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
no... i'm trying to dream again.

Does anyone like you?
nah.

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
my little play that could, someone's birthday (who's could that be? hmmm...)

It’s midnight, who are you texting?
hehe

Who do you miss?
i've been missing both bj's lately.

Who were you with last night ?
cache creek familia

What’s something you hate?
Ignorance and drama. <-- agreed

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
gap? old navy? :"( no more %50 discount!

How do you feel about your hair?
blah! but then again, it's just hair. but then again, i'm a guy.

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
i love my friends and family, but NYC.

Last person you talked to on aim?
i think it was NAG and her bespren when we were aim'ing a debate over the new boy bands, bsb and n'sync when i was living in sf! yes that long ago.

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today?
being told that i picked out a great birthday cake!

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
true friends? about as many fingers i have, give or take a digit or two.

What would you change about your life right now?
my weight, but i'm slowly but surely changing that right now :)

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
special person about some drama while having a yummy healthy dish at pasta pomodoro and fricken' slippery floors! damn near broke my neck. not really but i have an active imagination.

Where is the last place you went out to eat?
togos

What was the last beverage you consumed?
agua

Thoughts at this moment?
how am i gonna pull this off?

Do you bite your lips a lot?
nope

Medical, fine arts, or law?
FINE ARTS. (!!!!) i'll add the exclamation points to the ALL CAPS!

Best kind of pizza?
even though i miss unos, i'm really diggin pesto pizza too.

Favorite drink?
green tea soy latte please.

What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Friday night?
prolly on-line.

Who was the last person you had in your room?
me too!

Can you speak another language?
wish.

What are you going to do tomorrow?
work and write

Who is the best band you’ve seen live?
TAAL, Huey Lewis and the News, and the Powerplay Band.

Do you take care of your friends while they’re sick?
if i was there, i hecka would. i remember taking care of a friend while she was sick in college... that's all i'll say about that.

Do you like to read?
yup, but i haven't read a good piece of fiction lately.

How do you feel about your first love?
my first love is music. without question. my loves now: creating art, time with friends, and laughing. what was the question again?

Favorite colors?
right now: brown after being blue forever.

Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
a certain mrs.

Nickname?
rad, con, radcon, Kuya (my favorite), jr, and my martial arts name, Hei Yu!

Where do you want to go right now?
NYC... and sac or pinas.

What are you wearing?
Pebble Beach hoodie, pjs, and socks.

What brand of digital camera do you own?
Cannon, but it's clunky in size. need a slimmer one.

What do you think about people who party a lot?
I thinking that I'm between, "to each their own" and "find something better to do"

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
yes... but there was this time in college when i was kickin' it with my friend, her boyfriend and her roommates at their house in Rosemont, and it was fricken' all out! pure craziness. must've been because we had an all-nighter because of mid-terms, and it was 3am, but daymn! interesting co-ed talking session. maybe it was easier because we weren't that "close".

When is your birthday?
02.23

Who is your celebrity crush?
honestly, a lot that i don't even know the names of.

Who gave you your last compliment?
william on the cake i bought him :)

Who/what last made you smile?
this survey and certain memories.