as my title suggests, yes, i am totally random. but hopefully in the quagmire of all the thoughts that pour in one ear and out the other, i hope to learn more about me, and grow as a person and as an artist.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

20 Things

I got this idea from Manang Lea's (like I know her for realz!) blog. http://bigsis222.multiply.com/journal/item/94/20_Things.

The rules are simple: List (20) things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are.

1) You are a stuck-up, self-centered b*tch! Watch out for the contract I put out on you from a person called KARMA!

2) Here's a dime to buy a clue! Jeez Louise you drive me crazy sometimes with your stupid grin with nothing in between your ears! (this applies to 1 too!)

3) WTF? I spilled my heart out to you and you do nothing?! See if I ever trust your ass again!

4) How can you be so lazy? I ask for one little thing and then you start b*tching about it. Tamad!

5) It's hard to say YOU SUCK! when you have that much $$$... but you're just crazy!

6) Just do it already!

7) I don't have anything left to say except for have a good life :)

8) I suck. I don't know what happened with me when I could have and I had a feeling like you wanted to... I just... I'm sorry, but I do hope that you're well and I miss our talks. Sayang.

9) You know you were using me you HO! I hope that I never see your ass again... and if I did... I wouldn't know what to do cuz i forgot what you look like.

10) Dude, I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and her. But I hope you're doing well if I ever see you around.

11) It sucks that you changed everything and didn't tell me the day before. You messed with my confidence... but at least you put a chip on my shoulder and I will succeed with or without your help.

12) You're a nice person but... at least we can be friends, right?

13) When I see your smile, my heart melts, everything goes in slow motion, and

14) You can be so pushy and annoying sometimes... but in a good way! And I like that! I wish I could be like that.

15) I'm sorry for being so stupid that day. I was going through stupid things at the time and you were so... cool. And still are. I'm glad that at least we're still friends though I don't see you as much anymore.

16) In a parallel universe, you and I are raising a beautiful family together.

17) You were the only person I loved being annoying to. Wish you were still here.

18) I don't know what she sees in you, you homophobic misogynistic motherf*cker! I can't believe you were trying to give me advice! I hope you guys don't get married cuz I fear for your children.

19) You inspire me beyond time, space, and the number of stars in the universe. (this applies to many people that i'm lucky to know.)

20) I'm not perfect and even in my darkest times, you have never left my side even though I think you should have. Everything is for and because of YOU. I pray that you know, and I keep remembering that.


For the record, the NEGATIVE things aren't any things on this list addressed to my closest friends, cuz I'm LEARNING to FINALLY say what's on my mind and have the trust in our friendship to not feel like I, or they, have to hold anything back.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Lost my center

It feels like I haven't written in here in a while, even though it was only 2 days. I sent something to one of my idols and in my message to her, I thanked her for sharing her gift with us. Somewhere along the way, I lost my gift. I started to take for granted what is given to me, instead of naturally using this gift. Like my admiration for when my sister sings or when my brother acts, what I love about them and their performances is it's genuine. Real. And I've noticed that when I'm writing, or attempting to do so as the case currently is, I've been thinking too much. For the last couple of months, I've just been absorbing Theater! Watching plays, reading scripts, attending workshops, learning from How To... books. And now that this knowledge is in my brain, I forgot how to write. Well, more precisely I'm thinking too much instead of just writing. I lost the faith that I KNOW I get that when I start writing, I get lost in what I write and a story appears - much like Isaac from Heroes when he starts to paint something in his trance and then when he wakes up from this trance, he's amazed by what he's created. I miss that feeling. I know that I don't have like this super genetically created power, but I know that I do have something greater - and that's my faith. I won't go too much into it, cuz this is, and has been, a personal journey for me, but I lost my center. And in this struggle to get back to what makes me, not only a writer, but ME, I just have to Let Go. Part of returning back to my center will be on November 3, 2007 - I need him, his music, and his lyrics to get back to... me.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Blog Action Day!

Shoot, I wanna get on this bandwagon. I'm proud of myself for keeping up with this, and Conrad's Playspace, so I deserve to be called a blogger :) Actually, if I was then I would've found out about this earlier, but alas, better late than never. I saw this on Lauren's blog... which reminds me that I have to introduce myself to her, though she'd never read this boring blog.

To the topic at hand - the environment. I'm really glad that in my lifetime, I've seen strides being made to help the earth out in any way we can. I was thinking about this when I was at Meb's place for a party and when anyone would have an empty bottle of hard liquor can of soda pop (ahhh!!!), someone would ask where the recycling bin was. I forgot if there was one, but still people asked.

In my neighborhood, we even have this little green R2D2 of a pail that says to recycle food scraps into. It kinda grosses me out cuz of the smell that it would produce from rotting food - but that's not the point. the point is that this food can help grow more food and build sustenance for all! i'm even getting better at work in know what's the difference between COMPOST, RECYCLABLES, and TRASH.

I was also introduced into having the concept of GREEN with our puppet show at bindlestiff a while ago since everything, well almost, everything we made was from recycled products. and if we need parts for other puppets, we'll use those parts from those puppets to recycle again. pretty soon, we'll just have a big Frankenstein of a puppet... or it'll look like a big talking trash bin?.. hmmm. at any rate, I was proud to say that we were an earth-friendly show... with the exception of all the aluminum foil we used for the jeepney :)

DO YOUR PART TO SAVE THE WORLD :)

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sarah G.

Daymn. I just saw Sarah Geronimo do Lip Gloss. Daymn, that girl is talented! The song isn't really my cup of tea, but for her to do that song and i thought she did it very well. she's turning out to be a very rare triple threat, cuz i like her acting too.

ew.. cowboys plus+ *shudder*

WHY????


What the hell, to prove how fearless I am, I'm putting this INCREDIBLY embarrassing and somewhat depressing picture of me. i've been pretty vigilant recently against dying my hair. why should i? this is who i am and if someone doesn't like my outward appearance than sucks to be them! i like me... maybe except now that i've seen my pict... grrr.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Going through my artist emo moments...

What the hell's wrong with me? I'm just going through a self-esteem issue because i REALLY really don't feel creative... thus "special". It sucks to be in this moment, even though i've been through a lot to know that this IS just a moment. it's this ongoing battle of asking if i indeed have any talent whatsoever. crap. i hate feeling like this...

Friday, October 12, 2007

Left-brain vs. right-brain


The Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

The FIRST time I looked at the image, it was spinning clockwise, and then when I started to read the article, and then went back to the picture, it started moving counter-clockwise! WTF? After a little tinkering, I found ways to make me switch the pictures rotation between both directions. SO COOL!

I found this story on my facebook San Francisco Network page which in turn got this article from the Daily Telegraph. This article has more details and explains the state of your current thoughts based on which direction you currently see her spinning.

My latest internet addiction

Facebook! I tried joining it a few years ago, but it was restricted to only colleges at the time and I no longer had a sac state account. There are two reasons why I jumped on the bandwagon: 1) i've recently joined at least 15 other social networking groups in the last couple of days to try and collect something new, and 2) i saw that a dear friend of mine had a profile on facebook. And now that i've joined, i got that really cool feeling i had when i first joined friendster... and then myspace... and now this. for one i did a search on my last name, and there are 366 PANGANIBANs up on Facebook! I even joined a group called Panganibans UNITE! there's only 18, make me 19, people part of that group. But woo-hoo! I found my cousin Karen from LA on there.

This is really my 2nd or 3rd day on there and I 24 friends SO FAR, but it's cool! There's all these other do-hickeys i can add to my page if i wish, but i'm a minimal kinda guy when it comes to stuff on a webpage, but it's pretty cool! hope more friends join up... if anything just to check it out. I put a screenshot on this post, so click on it to see what the interface looks like.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Trust Me!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Seriously?....

Anybody wanna bet me to do this for Sinag-tala?

wtf, was that? i was dying when i first saw this... so i had to put this up!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Imgagini.net



Monday, October 08, 2007

R. Kelly's new video on youchoob



i don't know what happened to me when I moved back to the bay area, but I'm starting to have a penchant for more profanity. Don't get me wrong, I don't cuss in front of kids or anything, I'm a good boy in that regards, but shit, if i'm with people of like mind, i just do. posting this is an example of this.

makes me think of one of the lines I rewrote for GARDEN OF DREAMS. i do go back and forth whether or not to change it back, but looking back at the situation where it was read in, it was proper of me to do so, but to get it off my chest, "cock-sucking mother fucker!"

ahh... balance is restored to my universe :)

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Mr. and Mrs. Antonio and Jennifer Ablog!

I just wanted to congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Antonio and Jen Ablog again on their marriage this past weekend. It was an honor that they asked me to work on their slideshow, plus trusting me enough to take all their photos to use as blackmail! haha. i guess it's not blackmail anymore that everyone's seen these photos :) if ya wanna check it out, you can visit: http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=19285394

The ceremony was perfect! i'll admit that i shed a few drops of emotion during the exchanging of the vows, especially when Uncle Tim said that there are some not able to be here, but they are looking down with joy.

Dropping up a note

Woke up this morning at 6:30 to get ready for a long drive home. it's been a while and wanted to visit my dad. it's my parents anniversary coming up on the 10th, but i needed to just spend some time with my mom to make sure she was alright. so, we did something that's kinda like a tradition in a way. we wrote a note to my dad and then we went to a corner store at our local strip "mall" that had the latex balloons - red, yellow, and white. we wrote down a message on a piece of paper and put that message inside the balloon and we let it go. i hope he gets our message well.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Riders race to save man drug by streetcar, his hand caught in door

Riders race to save man drug by streetcar, his hand caught in door
Rachel Gordon, Chronicle Staff Writer
Thursday, October 4, 2007

San Francisco Municipal Railway is investigating what one witness described as a "horrifying incident" in which a man trying to board a train at the Embarcadero Station got his hand stuck in the closing door and was dragged along the boarding platform until an alert passenger pulled the onboard emergency door release.

The incident occurred around 6 p.m. Tuesday during the evening commute.

Michael Pitalo had just boarded the nearly empty L-line streetcar for a ride home to the Castro. He said he noticed that a man had his hand caught in the door as the car prepared to leave the station.

"Normally, the door would bounce open and make a screeching sound. This time it did not," said Pitalo, a 52-year-old production artist. "As the train began to move, people began to scream in panic as the man ran alongside the train with his hand trapped inside the car. As the train sped up, the man stumbled and was dragged along the platform."

Pitalo said the passengers did everything they could to stop the train: They pushed the emergency call button, pulled the cord used to request a stop, and tried unsuccessfully to pull the emergency release for the door that had trapped the man's hand. That release didn't work.

Pitalo said passengers inside were screaming to stop the train.

Finally, he said, another rider triggered the emergency release for another door on the train, bringing the car to an immediate halt.

"The train stopped, with the trapped man only inches away from the wall of the tunnel opening," Pitalo said. "It was completely terrifying. The man was finally able to pull his hand out, and he slowly moved back into the crowd, cradling his arm and his hand."

Pitalo, who has commuted on Muni for 15 years, said the train operator hurried into the streetcar, "yelling, 'Who pulled the release bar?' We all screamed (that) a guy had his hand caught in the door."

The train had to be delayed as a maintenance worker was called in to reset the emergency brakes. The westbound car resumed service about 15 minutes later, Pitalo said.

Pitalo said the man whose hand was caught appeared to be in shock as he stood on the platform. He said the nine or 10 people on the train who witnessed the incident "couldn't get out of our minds the image of how close to death the man had been."

Muni spokeswoman Maggie Lynch said Wednesday that the incident, including the response of the train operator, is under investigation.

Muni officials noted the occurrence on a daily log. Lynch said the report shows that the victim, whose identity has not been released, refused medical treatment.

As for why the train didn't stop automatically, Lynch said the streetcar doors aren't designed like the doors on an elevator, "where you put your hand in and it opens."

She had advice for Muni riders who see the doors closing and the train about to pull away: "While we realize it's inconvenient to wait for the next train, for your own personal safety, it is best to do so."

Pitalo said Wednesday that he was still shaken by what he saw. "I wish I could find this guy. I just want to know whether he's OK."

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

39 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist

got this from my sis... every point really makes sense!

39 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist

"The proper function of man is to live - not to exist." -- Jack London

Too often we go through life on autopilot, going through the motions and having each day pass like the one before it.

That's fine, and comfortable, until you have gone through another year without having done anything, without having really lived life.

That's fine, until you have reached old age and look back on life with regrets.

That's fine, until you see your kids go off to college and realize that you missed their childhoods.

It's not fine. If you want to truly live life, to really experience it, to enjoy it to the fullest, instead of barely scraping by and only living a life of existence, then you need to find ways to break free from the mold and drink from life.

What follows is just a list of ideas, obvious ones mostly that you could have thought of yourself, but that I hope are useful reminders. We all need reminders sometimes.

1. Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

2. Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

3. Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

4. Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

5. Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

6. Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).

7. Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

8. Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.

9. Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.

10. Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

11. Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

12. Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

13. Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.

14. Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

15. Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!

16. Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

17. Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

18. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.

19. When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

20. Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.

21. Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

22. Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.

23. Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.

24. Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.

25. Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

26. Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.

27. Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

28. Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.

29. Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

30. Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

31. Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

32. Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

33. Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

34. Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.

35. Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.

36. Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

37. Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.

38. Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.

39. Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

My tragic flaw...

Can I really call this 'tragic'? I've been thinking about my morals lately. This is how it began, so every morning at work, I buy a little bottle of soymilk and cereal and since they upped the price of soymilk the total is now $3.05 from $2.75, more on that in a sec. But a couple of months ago, one of my coworkers got the same thing except for the soymilk. instead, what she did was get her cereal, open it up, and pours in the soymilk from the bigger carton reserved for coffee drinkers and uses that milk for her cereal. And then she only pays for the cereal. I thought that was wrong for her to do. But when I asked my co-workers yesterday, when I bought my soymilk/cereal combo, they said that was okay. So there i am - conflicted between this seemingly inconsequential action of "stealing" milk. i don't think I can do that. something screwy inside ethical values won't allow me to do this little thing. when i told this to my other co-worker, she argued it'd be like if someone charged you something less for something you know costs more, you wouldn't argue, right? wrong. remember when I mentioned the price of my morning combo. last week, someone charged me the old price, and i corrected the person at the register and paid what the correct amount is. mind you that it's all under $4, so i didn't mind paying the extra 30 cents, like if I got charged $5 for something worth $100, HELL YEAH, i'd pay only $5! shoot, what i'd be thinking in that case is that it's the checker's bad for getting that wrong - plus, i could argue, through a lesson from my business law class, that it's the fault of the checker and the cash register for charging the wrong price, it's not mine, so i have to pay that lesser amount. but, i digress, i paid the higher amount for what makes my mornings complete at work.

mind you as well, i don't fair too well under peer pressure. as a matter of fact, i get more annoyed with someone telling me what to do, that i WILL do the opposite no matter how right the other person is. i guess that stems from my dad always telling me what to do. it's that nagging feeling i hate that makes me want to rebel more than anything.

but, going back to my moral dilemma... deep down inside, always defer to what's LEGAL instead of doing something that's not warranted and saying that it's okay as long as I don't say anything to anyone. why would something be alright to do if i couldn't tell anyone about it? duh, doesn't that make sense to anyone but me?! and to compound the issue, I've been raised this way to think this way. When I got into a car accident about 10 years ago, really minor, my dad told me to claim that my car radio stopped working because of the accident, when it stopped working 2 years prior to the mishap.

there was an incident at work, where (geek speak alert) i was told by our chief site architect that it wasn't right to use iFrames on any of my pages. my other co-workers just said to use it anyways and not tell anyone that i'm using it. it won't crash the site! no ill effects will become of it. i even knew that. but because it was a rule - i sought out another alternative. an inefficient alternative, but it worked. unfortunately, that project only lasted a few weeks. but still i stood my ground... which maybe didn't bode well with my colleagues, but damnit! i have my OWN morals to live up to.

i purposely wrote this in my blog, and because of it's length, so that no one else would read this BUT i just had to get this off my chest, cuz sometimes it feels wrong to do what is right - and that SUCKS!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Filipino Americans demand for apology from ABC and Desperate Housewives Petition



To: ABC

To the producers of "Desperate Housewives" and ABC:

We are writing to express concern and hurt about a racially-discriminatory comment made in an episode of Desperate Housewives on 9/30/07. In a scene in which Susan was told by her gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause, she replied, "Can I just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines."

As members and allies of the Filipino American community, we are writing to inform know that this type of derogatory remark was discriminatory and hurtful, and such a comment was not necessary to maintain any humor in the show. Additionally, a statement that devalues Filipinos in healthcare is extremely unfounded, considering the overwhelming presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the medical field. Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United States, with many entering the U.S. (and successfully passing their U.S. licensing boards!) as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world. So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino Americans in health care is extremely disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant. Many of the hospitals in major metropolitan areas of the U.S. (and the world) would not be able to operate without its Filipino and Filipino American staff members.

As Filipino Americans and allies, we band together to ensure that this type of hateful message should not be allowed to continue on our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell (against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers, the show's actors, and ABC itself.

We demand a public apology to the Filipino American community, and we demand the episode be edited to remove the ignorant and racist remark. We will not allow hateful messages against our community (or any other oppressed community) to continue.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Forgiveness...

Last Saturday was Michelle's birthday and I sent her a letter and a card. It was a substantially lengthy letter, around 10-12 pages, handwritten BUT on wide ruled paper - folded like I used to fold "notes". Without going into too much detail, mostly because I can't remember the details, I wrote how I've changed over the past 2? years that I've gone without speaking to her. And in this time, I told her how I've changed. How I've, in my own way, come full circle back to... me. When I first met her at a Fil-Am "Know History, Know Self" conference in Milpitas, CA very many moons ago, I finished writing my script for the PCN... and I just finished writing my full-length play. In thinking and learning about a character's arc, I've found myself in my own drama, and i've changed. I'm not the same person anymore. I don't really know when or where it happened, but I've not only feel like I've moved on, which in in the generic sense, but more importantly, I've forgiven - her and me... and that's a good thing.

I wrote her an email, really short, just to wish her a Happy Birthday. Earlier tonight, she wrote back. Learned a few things, but I'm okay. :)