random

groovin' to: "for good" WICKED soundtrack

can't believe i didn't write in here yesterday. another boring day, but should change, cuz i'm a restless person and i'm tired of being bored... not only that, it's the holiday season where it seems everyone is christmasy or something.

went to see b coach his team today. they played awesome with tremendous pressure to the ball. caused 31 turnovers! wow. he looked so "coachy" from across the way. he's such a good inspiration for me to get off mah butt and do something positive with my life! a real good guy, and i'm glad he's with mah sis!

speaking of which... she's really turning out to be one of my best friends. neither of us are "perfect" but just funny how things turn out. i've known her for nine years... but we're really starting to click. don't wanna overdo it though and start getting sick of each other yet. still talk just about every day, even though it's a really short conversation of "good morning and have a good day!" it still means that we're thinking of each other in that brief moment in time. we'll just have to see where this FRIENDSHIP leads. one thing's for sure, i wanna stay around for good to be around her.

i'm ready to move on. i'm gonna sell, if i can get a good price, the engagement ring i gave to michelle. hurts, but as sis says, it's something i have to do on my own and just let go. like the time i through the other half of the necklace i gave jennifer, my first girlfriend, into the ocean in monterey. i let go and moved on with my life. i think that after i sell the ring, that i'll be ready to move on and actually "start looking" for another girlfriend. maybe? at least find someone to have a crush on, or allow myself to be able to have a crush on someone. we'll see...

anyways, gud nite!

defy gravity

groovin' to: "defying gravity" (acoustic version) by idina menzel from "WICKED"


i have no money for xmas gifts... been a while since i've said this. :( bummer... so i expect no gifts my way either... but if i made a list of stuff that would be cool to get it'd be:
- WICKED soundtrack
- AVENUE Q soundtrack
- DVD season 1 & 2 of "Saved by the Bell"
- DVD Dawson's Creek Finale

guess that's it. kinda silly asking for stuff, tho.

besides, "Gone to soon" by Michael Jackson, I would love to have "For Good" from WICKED played at my funeral as well. just preparing... was thinking about a last will and testament as well. got nothin' give, but ... just preparing.

speaking of life, or ending of one, i was thinking that if my time were to end then i think i'd be ok. i've accomplished most of my goals. got a degree, didn't think that would happen (or really need one). been in love :) stole a show (sj pcn). wrote, directed, and acted (csus pcn). found BEST friends (... til the end). acted in a "real" play (sac city). had heart broken :( bought a car. was on stage one "last" time with those best friends... except fem and jen...

not sayin' that i'm ready to cash this life in, but if i were it'd be ok and i can consider myself lucky and fortunate to have the life i've had so far. but there's a lot of other goals i have before my time's up:
- get married to a wonderful woman who's somewhere out there?
- have kids and see how my mom would play with them
- hearing my kids call lorraine, Ninang (hehe)
- have a house
- write a play
- write and direct/produce a short film
- visit new york to see WICKED, RENT, and AVENUE Q

can't wait to see what happens in this next stage of my life... excited! lates

tired

groovin' to: discarte namin


better make this short. laptop battery is about to quit. good day. finished 1 comp for fiveDsArt and sent book cover to fresh oil finally. look for job about tomorrow. try and wake up early. sis is online, but not really much to say. dat's okay. no pressure to say anything... or not. tired. i was pretty flat during rehearsals tonite. not feelin' it. caroling tomorrow. performance thurs. lotr sunday! glad finished 2 towers yesterday.

good night. as i said not in the mood to talk now... tired.

music soothes

for the longest time, FOR MYSELF, i was trying to figure out, "music soothes the savage beast." i think i found the answer by listening to the music, the musicians, and singers of taal.

somewhere along the way, i forgot how music can control one's emotions. it can make you happy or sad. it can make you think... and feel like dancing! maybe it was just more powerful seeing a band play together. how all the sounds intertwine with each others while seeing them play. each sound of the band depends on the other to create "magic". the keyboards sounds different when you add the guitar. then add the bass. the body responds to the addition of the drums. now add the melody of a voice... and more so with the harmonies of additional voices. magic... music enough to soothe a savage beast.

*******

funny that at this age i don't really write about what happened chronologically during the day. more so, i just write generalizations of what i've observed and thought of at different stages of the day.

daymn! turning into an adult.... i don't think my heart's dying tho. (reference to the breakfast club.)

nite

survey time

Full name: Conrad Almero Panganiban, Jr
Date of birth: Feb. 23
Place of birth: monterey
Time of birth: don't remember, too young
Location: Sacramento
What are you labeled?: self-label, writer... but forgot how.
Pets: none :(
Nicknames: con, rad, c-rad, kuya
Do you have a job?: not as of yet
What languages, if any, do you speak?: English
Are you a night, day, or morning person?: night
Are you ticklish?: kinda
Do you have a car?: yup
What kind of car do you have/want?: my elantra :)

Your looks:

Fingernail color: fingernail-ish
Are your nails real or fake?: real
Shoe size: 10
Height: 5' 10"
Eye color: brown
Hair color: dark brown
Do you like how you look? not yet!
Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: nope
Do you take showers or baths?: showers


Favorites:

Movie(s): LOTR, Back to the Future, movies made by Fil-am artisits (you're my inspiration!)
Song(s): "Ngumiti Tumawa" hehehe! "One Last Cry", "I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me", "Cry Me a River" spot the theme.
Store: borders or barne's
Relative: marilou
Car: elantra
Class: middle-upper
Holiday: ??? arbor day
Saying: hello
Word: futile
Brand name: apple
Radio station: none
Concert: spanish fly, american idols 1, janet, GARY V.!
CD: Purple Rain
Smell: bacon
Sound: laughter and applause
Feeling: love
Card game: pai-gow

Have you ever...

Done drugs? no
Eaten an entire box of cookies? no
Been dumped? yes
Been cheated on? yes
Hiked a mountain? does the pinnacles count?
Thought you were pregnant? no
Had a "kick me" sign on you? no
Been to the Mall of America? no
Been in love? yes
Seen the White House? in pictures and on tv!
Drank alcohol? yes
Smoked weed? no
Seen Titanic? yes! was cool seeing leo freeze.
Tried a weight loss program? yes... not eating!
Visited another country? yes
Had a bubble bath? don't think so
Hugged a tree? no
Been to the ocean? yes
Used a pillow case as a blanket because you were too cold to get a cover? no
Gotten a major surgery? no
Been on a plane? yes
Been on a boat? yes
Been in the hospital? yes
Met a celebrity? yes, robin williams
Broken the law? no
Hated yourself? i think?
Kissed a member of the same sex? no


Would you ever...

Join the army? If it was to fight evil forces and not for oil, yes!
Do something crazy because you were dared? maybe
Run in the streets naked? no
Run away: yes, san diego


Relationships:
What's your idea of a perfect date? can't say, cuz peeps would laugh at me!
What do you look for in a guy/girl in appearance? pinay, tall under 5' 8", nice eyes, cute smile
What do you look for in a guy/girl in personality? independent, smart, funny
Are you single? yup
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nope
Do you have a crush? nope
If so, what's their name? n/a
What's their age? 87?
How long have you liked him/her? n/a
Does he/she know it? n/a
Do you think there is a person for everyone? definately
If yes, do you know who yours is? not yet
Would you ever go on a blind date? depends how much i trust the person who set it up
Do you believe in love at first sight? yes
When was your first kiss? 2
Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? no
When did you go out with them? n/a
What do you like about your crush/boyfriend/girlfriend?: n/a :(
What do you think love is? beyond words
Who was your first crush?: don't remember
Do you plan on having children? yes
Do you want to get married? yes... was about to :(
How old do you want to be when you get married? 32
How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 3

If's:

If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be? angelina jolie
If you could marry anybody in the world, who would it be? have to meet the person first. marriage has to be forever.
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be? don't know yet.
If you had five extra tickets to your favorite band's concert, who would you take? raine, fem, bj, brian, and jen.
If you had a special power, what would your special power be? the force (multi-power)
If you could pick out of being able to turn back time, being able to fly, being irresistible to the opposite sex, or owning a money tree, which would you pick? money tree. solve a lot of problems.
If you were on a plane, but it crashed, and miraculously you, your CD player, batteries, and headphones survived, what CD would you want to have? purple rain, or the debut soundtrack

Movies/TV.Shows:

What was the last movie you saw in the theatre? last samurai
What was the last movie you saw, period? LOTR, the two towers

Getting personal:

What was the worst day of your life? telling my cuzn that his dad, my uncle, passed. sac state union.
What is your most embarrassing story? telling my friends a romantic thing i did...
What was the best day of your life? getting engaged
What are you most scared of? never finding "the one"
What do you usually think about before you go to bed? what i have to do tomorrow
What do you regret the most? not playing tennis in high school. maybe accepting a job in monterey... would've been married if i stayed in san jose... but i wouldn't have moved back to sac if i had got married

In the past 24 hours, have you...

Had a serious talk? yes
Hugged someone? yes
Fought with someone? no
Cried? no
Laughed? yes
Made someone laugh? at my expense!
Bought something? yes
Cut your hair? no
Felt stupid? YES... see made someone laugh! won't share romantic stories ever again!
Missed someone? yes
Talked to someone you love? yes... the peeps who laughed @ me.
Kissed someone? no :(

Do you...?

Like to walk in the rain? yes
Think you're attractive? i gots dimples...
Have stuffed animals? don't know where he is... think michelle has custody
Do your own laundry? yes
Clean your house? yes... only one here.

What do you think about...?

Smoking: yuck!
Rap: cool sometimes... if it makes sense.
Guys: depends which ones you’re talking about *good answer*
Girls: depends which ones you’re talking about *good answer*
Past: over
Last word you said: bye
Last song you sang: "Hanggang Sa Muli"
Last thing you ate: tonkatsu
Last song stuck in your head: "Ngumiti Tumawa"
Last word you heard: lates
Last thing you drank: hot tea
Last person you talked to: bitoy and kyrstle's voice mail
Last show you saw: news
last movie you saw: two towers
Last thing you bought: food
What's in your CD player? "new" pinay cd
What's under your bed? nada
What's on your wall? paint
What time did you wake up today? 7:30 to finish two towers

Future:

Who do you want to marry?: don't know yet! okay these marriage questions are making me upset!
Are you going to college? Doy! DONE! BFA!!!! thinking of going back to sac tho for grad school.
If so, how long do you want to go for? 2 years
What would your major be? education
Where are you going to live? sac
How many kids do you want? 3
Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? maui was the plan... jeez, stop torturing me!
What kind of car will you have? elantra! or honda pilot.
Do you go to church? no
If so, which one? n/a
What religion are you? Catholic... but love other religions. one of my fave classes in college, world religion!
Do you read your scriptures on a daily basis? no
Do you pray as much as you can? sometimes... not much as pray, but praise and thanks for the gifts and friends i've been given and trust that He knows where my future lies, FAITH.

When was the last time you...?

Left your house: today
Got mad: not really mad, but annoyed... today
Ate something: my ate is ate malou... but i had tonkatsu for lunch
Showered: dis mornin'
Watched TV: a couple of hours ago
Kissed someone: don't remember :(
Went to a movie: friday
Cried: last sunday, in the wings of last show
Went to Wallmart: couple of weeks ago
Talked on the phone: this afternoon

groovin' to: is it real (xtended rmx) by pinay


from a letter written to a friend in monterey...

went out to lunch earlier with some friends and just wanted your opinion on something? from a woman's perspective, is romance dead? like is it still okay for a man to, once in a while, do something romantic for a woman?

guess i'm asking this cuz my (girl)friends laughed at me when i told them that one time, after a movie, in the empty parking lot of century 22 theaters, on winchester (san jose), i pulled out a keyboard and sang a song i wrote for michelle. actually, kinda disgusted at the thought now cuz we're not together... but at the time i thought it was "romantic". needless to say, they got a kick out of it. my friend said that she felt sick because of it... and she had the flu :(

not too embarassed by the laughter, cuz they are my friends, and i still love them dearly and actually "happy" that their reactions were honest, but just made me think about if it's okay to do romantic stuff for someone else... or just face ridicule for it. i could see it now, i'll like do something really nice for someone, and then that someone will go to work and tell all her female friends, and laugh their a$$ off at the expense of the poor fool. kinda made me feel that it's NOT OKAY to be or do stuff that my heart would tell me to do.

actually have NO CLUE as to why i'm thinking about this stuff, cuz... i'm NOT with anybody! i don't even have a crush on anyone. in due time, but this latest revelation just told me what NOT to do... or be. sux to be a good guy sometimes.

late

survey

watchin' on da tube: SABADO GIGANTE!!!! yeah, baby!

got this survey from my lil sis, krystle! miss you! hope you're feelin' better!


Nicknames: rad, con, c-rad, pan, c, hey you!
AIM: tropaconrad
Sex: pinoy!
Birthday. February 23rd
Height: 5’ 10”
Hair color: dark brown
Is your hair long or short: medium, but need a shorter cut for the play i'm in. need a soldier cut!
Eye Color: brown
City born in: monterey
Location now: sac-town
Siblings: marilou... and raine and femi... and xle =)
Parents married/divorced: married
Who are your closest friends: raine, fem, bj, brian
Who makes you laugh the most?: rex! from the list... bri or fem.
Who knows the most about you?: raine... but michelle, my... ex, knows everything about me :(



WHO WERE YOU CRUSHIN ON*

(too far back! alcohol consumption at csus destroyed those brain memory cells! DON'T DRINK!)
Kindergarten: ?
1st Grade: ?
2nd Grade: ?
3rd Grade: ?
4th Grade: ?
5th Grade: laura madsen
6th Grade: rose ampa
7th Grade: marie guinto
8th Grade: joy-marie germinello
9th grade: rose, marie..
10th grade: jennifer o'hara... *urrrgh!*
11th grade: susan newman, and a cute brown-haired girl that left for germany :(
12th grade: susan newman, joanne (so stupid of me.)
college: jean, roxanne, julie ann, angela, michelle... or forget it, too many!
Boy/girlfriend status: 9 years ended in june :(


OTHER STUFF ABOUT U*

Do you have a job: not yet, but feel one's comin' soon! fingers crossed!
What are you scared of: used to be to die alone... but i know i won't with really really good friends around me.
Who's your role model: Brian, Brandon, Lillian, Jeannie Barroga, Gene Cajayon, Melanie Fontanilla
Most interesting thing you've done this summer: spent an awesome weekend in San Diego with even more awesome friends =) can't thank you enough! "kuya, if you buy one pair, you get the other half off!"
What store do you shop at the most: Banana Republic, J. Crew... oh, i was dreaming.
Have you ever done any drugs: NEVER... an episode of Miami Vice scared me straight!
Do you collect anything: dust...
Are you a ditz: when i want people to think that i am. hehe.



FAVORITES*

Day of the week: today
Thing in your room: picture of alumni cast from sinag-tala and picture of '94 tropas
Cousin: don't have one... really :(
CD: the jacksons live, thriller, rent...
Song(s): "ang balikbayan box" *sigh*
Animal: DOGS!
Ice Cream: mango
Drink: Iced tea & Mango Blast from Mitchell's Ice Cream on San Jose Ave. in the city (Mission)
Thing to do: write and design
Movies of all time: Back to the Future, Lumpia, Debut, Flip Side, BLT, Disoriented,
Hangout: "Sinag-tala practice at Burbank? hehehe. Any Lumpia screening, Filipino community events. I know I’m very different. =p" me, too, krystle!
Favorite pizza topping: sausage and mushrooms (need to be together)
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: hosting the 7th or 8th annual Sacramento Asian-American Film Festival, pacing the lobby of Bindlestiff Sacramento as my new play opens, Picking up my kids after their Ninang Lorraine volunteered to babysit! hehe. thanks.
If you could live anywhere: San Francisco, New York City... but I'm "home" at the moment
Dream house: HUGE! so that mah friends can come and sleep over after watching a flick in my theater!
What age do you want to get married: :(
How many kids do you want: 3 was the plan
Girl's names: clarke.
Boy's names: clark.

HAVE U EVER*

Been in love?: YES!
Lied?: who hasn't
Cheated on a test?: yes... however it back-fired on me.
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope... but have been cheated on!
Tied your shoes together?: why?
Eaten something with a lot of fat?: cheescake factory!
Had sex?: ;) wait for the RIGHT person! has to be special. you're gonna give the other person more than your body... needs to be your heart, soul, and trust, too! if you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!


FEELINGS INSIDE*

Worst Feeling in the world: ending a relationship :(
Best feeling in the world: knowing that i have friends that'll love me unconditionally.
Do you get along with your parents?: mom, yes. dad, eh...
Are you ticklish?: think so...


OPPOSITE SEX*

1st thing you notice about the opposite sex: eyes
Perfect "dream" date: already had it :(
Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?: raine
What do you look for in the opposite sex: humor, must be into helping the community, a leader, and don't always need a man "be independent", major dependency is a turn-off
What does the opposite sex not know about you: "that’s for me to know and for you to find out…;)" good answer, krystle!



NIGHTY NITE*

What do you wear to bed: pj pants, t-shirt, and sweater
What's your bed time: lately, around 2am
Do you wish on stars: yes... orion and shooting stars :(
Is there a TV in your room: nope
What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep: have a glass of wine... bad habit, but makes me feel like an adult.
How many schools have you been to: 5 through high school (navy brat), 4 colleges... but have a degree from one!
Are you passive or aggressive: more aggressive now.
Vanilla or chocolate: chocolate.
Would you rather be hot or cold: hot
What is your curfew: don't have one



FRIENDS*

Person you can trust the most: raine. been hurt too many times b4 to trust more right now.
What is the best quality of a friend: trusting and honest.
What friend do you have the most fun with: jen... it's absolutely crazy how we have the same sense of wierd, far-out humor! and she asks really thought provoking questions.
Name your friends: fem, beej, brian, jen, ate malou, loui, dee, mikey, bj, bobby, krystle, lillian, elsa, and lorraine.



RANDOM*
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?: stop being a procrastinator!
Have you ever tried to kill yourself: "thought never tried…*sigh*" me, too.
Do you know anyone who SERIOUSLY wanted to kill themselvelves? no
Who do you really hate?: life's too short to hate anyone.
What are you addicted to?: wine.
Do you like jewelry?: not really. nah.
Do you wear a watch?: trying to get rid of watch tan!
Did/Do you have braces?: no
Do you believe in God?: YES! everything happens for a reason.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: myth!
What are your favorite tv show(s)?: no cable :(
What color tooth brush do you use?: orange
Is the glass half empty or half full: always half full... except if it's a good red... then it's gonna be empty soon! hehe
Most dangerous thing you've ever done: i'm boring... haven't gone skydiving yet?!

got sh*t to do

groovin' to: low by kelly clarkson

thought of the day: got sh*t to do


this should be a really quick entry since nothing really happened today. talked to mah friend as usual =) and got to talk to e for a little bit e-mail but that's cool. miss that woman a lot! taught me all about wine. miss talking to her about "adult" stuff. not that i don't talk about that kinda stuff with my sis, starting to, but with e, it's a lot easier cuz we don't have a long and storied history. plus, she doesn't know any of my friends up here so she wouldn't feel the pressure of answering one way in order to stay friends with another. know what i mean.

reading "the art & craft of playwriting" by jeffrey hatcher. really good and learning a lot about playwriting AND acting and how i approach acting from the writer's perspective.

lonely in the house all by my self. drank 2 glasses of merlot, and felt a little faded :) boring to get drunk by oneself me thinks. sober now, and ready to start writing. my own little world... lonely world. not feeling sorry for myself tho! i'm fine!

crap... forgot to go to rehearsal to see bobby work and angela direct. shoot if i'm paying for a class, might as well learn as much as i can. don't know how long i can keep up this charade of pretending to be a "seasoned" actor. hehe. let's see:
- been in band from 4th - 12th grades, so been performing for that long
- danced tinikling, pandango sa ilaw, and banko freshman year at sac
- acted in samahang pcn 2nd or 3rd year
- wrote, directed, and acted samahang pcn my last year @ sac
- wrote, "acted", sang, clapped sticks '94 sinag-tala
- performed @ rizal and sf with st
- wrote, directed 2 holiday fests for papa at aac
- a lead actor in san jose state's pcn (regret not having friends watch :( )
- sing, played trumpet, and banged on a bamboo, sinag-tala '03

that's it? no wonder sis doesn't get nervous in front of a crowd, she's like performed 12 times in more performances than i have! funny never thought about how many performances i've been in? huh.

speaking of which, i just wanted to say how proud i am of bj and brian, my boys! bj for growing so much as an artist and giving back to the community with his talents. i think i casted him as a police officer for sp's pcn way back when. and bri, a natural on stage. he totally has "it". and i wish him so much luck for anything that lies in front of him. both of you, whatever happens in the future, thanks and it's been an honor to share the stage with you... even if it's for the last time! we'll see...

i hope nobody subscribes to me cuz i just write tooooooo much. also, very very proud of xLe! krystle, you are so talented and i can't wait to see what happens next to your bright future. talent hella runs in your family!

sis, you know how PROUD i am of you! watching my two best friends tear down da house will always stay with me. thank you.

in summary, finally, it's an honor to share the stage with all of you... especially for the people back stage with props, sets, in the dressing rooms, in the music room, and the one's working the lights, and sound. thank you.

out

new adventures

groovin' to: nada... conan o'brien's on

good day and night so far. chattin' w/ one of mah best friends and e-mails back and forth all day is fun too. reminds me of when i was working in salinas and basically did the same thing! so much fun.

anyways, applied for a job at state. fingers and toes crossed. afterwards, bought a book on how to write a play from barnes, den watched "the last samurai". very good flick, even tho i'm not really down on anything that has to do with war and violence, but high on honor. so funny that the lead japanese actor, the last samurai, looks like ollie. now every time i see him, i'm gonna wish he had a sword with him! lol.

just read xle's entry. HOPE YOU'RE DOING BETTER! ahh... so nice words about the show, and i'm so happy that a lot of her friends came out to support her and the show.

kinda sad that i didn't get a chance to go through st withdrawls because of getting thrown into a new production, "WALLS" at city college. rehearsals are going very well for only being there not that often. i'm really starting to click in my role as a vietnam vet/ghost. my reference is patrick swayze in ghost. he's a ghost looking at someone he loved and hoping that her pain can go away. my acting instincts are really kicking in. i guess it's because i feel like i'm directing myself and i'm telling myself where to go and how to move... like i'm watching my actions through angela's eyes. pretty cool.

thanks to everyone who came and supported! now on to my next adventures...

life should be about living

groovin' to: ang balikbayan box AGAIN *sigh*

quote: life should be about living and not about dying because of past regrets.


haven't been depressed in a while... some time to start. i guess that i'm just hella lonely... found out that michelle is seeing someone, oscar, on a regular basis. don't know how to feel really. i'm glad that she's found someone else. like she can't wait for me or something like that... how can someone be so happy one day and so sad the next. God's got a funny way of showing how thing are supposed to happen for a reason. don't know what i'm gonna do now...

don't know if --- is mad at me or not. *wishing i had more wine, wait beej left SAPPORRO in the fridge!*

started rehearsing for walls. a couple of really outstanding and talented actors. it's such an honor to be selected to be in a jeannie barroga play. at first, i was a little intimtated being that this was my first real read through (first, cuz the others were in acting class @ csus), but the more i got into jeannie's play... the more i realized how much i want to be a writer. without writers these amazing actors couldn't bring life to written words. just amazing hearing different voices bring a play that i read maybe 10 years ago to life... including my own. getting lost in Dan, the ghost i play, and especially Stu!

it felt really good to hear the words, i love you. thank you krystle. you are so amazing... full of life and energy! if anything, i'll go through withdrawls from missing her hugs!

trying to look older now that st is over. starting to go on my patented sacramento no money diet. ate just a steak and a piece of chicken today. not really hungry... just sad and full of questions.

peace out y'alls!

measured by the moments

groovin' to: freestyle band's latest cd

quote: "... measured by the number of moments that take your breath away."

the show...
the night of/after.... wow. these have been really the BEST 3 days of my life, especially tonite. not only did i personally on stage have a really good night, still can't get in the light (but i'm not really a performer, which i will claim for as long as i live, cuz i'm always just goofing around. performer just comes from being able to goof around in a more professional manner i guess). yeah, it's still hard to believe that it's over and just this last month of being at rehearsals has been awesome. so many good people working together to make the show happen and real. i think the thing i'll take from doing the show is just talking to people who watched it... they LOVED IT! that really moved me. from just watching the kids to xLe's spoken word... and of course, sis's voice! CYNCHA AND DANE came through BIG TYME by making an already strong Balikbayan Box more powerful. My fave piece just because of the song, the writers, the performers, and the direction... AMAZING to see how all this came together and brought into reality and be deeper than what was heard and seen... just the cathartic experience was... THANK YOU LOUI AND DEE! it's so much fun doing backup singing as well, especially with sis and ate! speaking of which... i've been a kuya for so long... 9 years?! that i never thought of having an ATE... but being able to call someone ate is as really special as to whom i'm referring it too. my only critique (art school influence) is that it would've been cool to have one more up-beat number to match "ilagay mo kid"... but that's SO MINOR! it was nice hearing the crowd respond to what you're meant to do...

family...
during my brief engagement the hardest thing was trying to decide who would be my best man. thought about ken or ben from the csus samahang dayz... but i know that i just couldn't have one best man. if possible, i'd have my best peeps aka friends by my side. raine, beej, femi, and brian. we've shared so much and not just performing but just a lot.... i'm SO GLAD/HAPPY that Fem came up from SD to see us... it just felt more "complete". thank you! BUT since i'm no longer gonna get married... help your beloved kuya out and find someone for me! joke lang. hehehe. not ready yet... maybe. not getting younger.

dad...
well he thinks the whole st thing is a waste of time... :( oh well... this "waste of time" has been the greatest spent with the greatest bunch of talented people!

next year...
don't know still... a year is a long time from now and i have so many projects burning, with getting a job as the number one priority right now!

nitez and peace! thanks to everyone who came out and supported us!

no quote today

groovin' to: nada

don't have a quote today.

well, it's d-day for the show and we'll just have to see how it goes. i think that everything is going to work out though. i really do. we'll see... it's nice to see everyone working so hard and it's hard to see why there's so much more to do... lot of pressure to do well. st is not what i remember it being. it was so fun b4, but now? above it all, the last number is mine, cuz it's real and it's gonna be the 3 happiest moments of my life, and when it's over, it'll be great to keep those memories.

everything happens for a reason

groovin' to: "wicked little town" from hedwig and the angry inch

quote: everything happens for a reason


it's been a while since i wrote... i guess dat's one of the reasons i can't keep a journal, but it's good to have one.

spent the last couple, like 12, hours evaluating the show... and more specifically, how the show is run. picked up a habit with michelle, my ex (wish there was another way to say it), of evaluating events, performances, movies... must have picked it up from going to an art school where critiquing was a way of life. anyways... i'm not really happy with the show so far, and opening nite is tomorrow. i thought rehearsal went WELL yesterday... but i wasn't in the audience and i'm ONLY IN 4 numbers, but maybe just how things are run and how much stuff (according to uncle sonny) needs to still be done.

i don't like the emphasis on "how much the show is worth$?" that's terrible to look at the show like that! if this was the main intention of the show when planning began x months ago, than fricken-a, there should have been open auditions for all the roles (unfortunately, i don't know if this happened for this year's show). and separate auditions for acting, singing, and dancing. also, if you want the show to be of more value, PAY the musicians, the lead production people (the director, props person, make-up person, vocal person, rehearsal piano player, etc).... i guess what i'm driving at is that this is a COMMUNITY PROJECT! no one is getting paid for it. my only payment is PRIDE in my work and pride I see when people in the show give it their all, like ... can't say names cuz it'll get me in trouble if i leave someone out... but you know who you are waiting in the wings 2 numbers b4 hand, and if not, you're strugglin' like a wild banshee during a quick change, and through all this, you put on a smile (if that's your character) while you perform. I ADMIRE AND THANK YOU for this. this is probably my last go round with the show, and i thank you for your inspiration... but there's so much that needs to be done still!

take care, im out

riff raff

groovin' to: "riff raff, street rat. i don't buy that. if only they'd look closer..."

same day, same rehearsal.

talked to a friend today in sd! miss dat girl! lots of good memories back then, bumming around sf. as well as in hawaii. c i dont use real names unless they say its ok. but if i sed who it was then...

i don't have a clue as to why i'm still up. 3 hrs sleep ain't doin' it for me anymore! not a young lad anymore!

dat's cool cuz not in the mood to rite a lot anywayz. but i could if i could.

good night.
groovin' to: "riff raff, street rat. i don't buy that. if only they'd look closer..."

same day, same rehearsal.

talked to a friend today in sd! miss dat girl! lots of good memories back then, bumming around sf. as well as in hawaii. c i dont use real names unless they say its ok. but if i sed who it was then...

i don't have a clue as to why i'm still up. 3 hrs sleep ain't doin' it for me anymore! not a young lad anymore!

dat's cool cuz not in the mood to rite a lot anywayz. but i could if i could.

good night.