2008.12.18 - Randomness

2008.12.18 - Randomness

- in a really grumpy mood.
- hates it when the OCD kicks in
- desperately waiting for this year to end and begin the new one!
- wishing life was this easy to reboot
- picturing life on a pier with a frosted breath at sunrise.
- bah-humbug!
- trying hard to not get caught staring ;)
- forgot about using this thing instead of posting on facebook
- first blog post mailing this from my iPhone.

now i'm typing this from my computer, but the above is a running list of random thoughts that run through my head during the day. usually, i post these up as a status on my facebook account, but then i started noticing that a lot of these thoughts shouldn't be shared with everyone. these are my thoughts and posting it for EVERYONE to see just seems too much for me to handle right now. now, i know that this is a public blog, but shoot, if anyone sees this, y'alls don't know me personally. plus, i could use this as a venting list too.

anyways, it's nice to be able to use my phone for another productive thing :)

Longing to belong

So I'm chillin in my car bored. I'm just now putting into perspective on why I've been driving all those miles back and forth between here and sacto - it was so that I could feel like I belong. Instead I'm here being the adult and being responsible about how much I'm putting on my car. But yeah Im just able to reflect on why all those miles were used it was for me to not feel alone. I hate feeling kawawa but I guessxtbese are one of those few occasions when I feel like venting.

There's an interesting conversation on kgo about how this man in Iran will be getting the punishment of what he did to his former girlfriend - he will be blinded with acid. When he found out that his girlfriend wanted to leave him, be took acid and threw it in her eyes, this blinding her. And now because of the laws in Iran where they have an eye for an eye, he'll have to suffer the same consequences he laid on her! Now that's the question is this right? I am haunted by ghandi's saying's "an eye for an eye will make everyone blind" but in the back of my head I'm saying that if this person ever did this to anyone in my family and I'm including those friends whom are family I'd say give me the damn bottle! For reals, yo! It's an interesting debate is all I'm asking, but I'm confronted by another quote, if you're on a picket fence and you don't pick a side to land on you'll fall on one of the spikes!

Baby steps. Being as old as I am, I'm slowly finally realizing some of my faults and one of them happen to be my jealousy. I can be so bleh about it sometimes that I totally overreact to certain situations that I really have no control over hence I lose control over my better judgement. And most of the time, it's usually after I mess things up that I realize how much of a jerk I can be when I start feeling jealous about something or someone. I know now when it's coming on and with this realization hopefully I can head off that being a jerk phase and just keep on chugging through. That is at least I hope I can cuz I don't want to lose something that has finally become a bright spot in my dreary life.