acting, postponing, writing, work

well, this has been an interesting past couple of weeks. here's some of the highlights, and not so highlights:

- started acting workshops. good to get in that frame of mind again. been a long while. got asked to help a friend out by acting in something for his directing workshop. hope that works out.

- on tuesday, forces beyond my control, and the final "sign" made me come to the decision of postponing the reading/production of my play. too many things happening.

- saw three people that i really came to respect at work leave - all in one week. one person was a shock! the other, i could see coming. and my main programmer guy is leaving for better pastures. there are a couple of others leaving too... i hope i'm not one of them.

- still need to book appointments with 2 types of doctors. i've been putting one off for years, and the other... well, i still do.

- made more friends on facebook!

- oh... i'm working tomorrow - a saturday for a project that needs to be done on monday... so i can keep my job :(

- my mom's retirement party went fabulously. got to meet up with my cousins :) *crush* i wish i had time to prepare something, but next time na lang.

- went to santa cruz with familia! it's still the same, and hot! but i got to spend time with some of the people i care about. next in the queue, SAN DIEGO!!!

- had a good couple of days when i didn't think about something i'm not supposed to think about. those are the good days, and hoping not to "fall off the wagon" again.

- bought my first BEATLES cds: "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band" and the "White Album". They are like the most amazing band! Who knew? But in all honesty, I love them and I wish I would've gotten into their music earlier, but I guess that's why they are considered one of the greatest bands of all time, because their music is eternal.

that's all... for now.

a while

there's something that i WISH i could post up on here and it's literally killing me that i can't. not that i can't but it just wouldn't feel right if i didn't talk to someone first. but what i will say is that this past Saturday was one of the best days i can remember. It was the first time in a long while where i didn't think about something. but today is another day, and i've been thinking about it more and more it feels. sorry that this is so cryptic, but...

on a lighter note, i had my first acting class/workshop today. oh, i also found out that my play 'the gift' will be in stories high this coming summer at bindlestiff. i'll let y'alls know the details when it comes out. despite me TOTALLY revising the play 3 times, i'm very happy with the last version. i never really felt or knew what i wanted to say with the other 2, but after some soul searching, hopefully, i got out what i wanted to say with this last version. oh... i'm also acting in stories high too. as i said, i got to finally have a class with someone whom i totally look up to, Allan S. Manalo. I know that he doesn't know the effect that he's had on me, but he makes me believe that sometimes i do have a purpose in life. he's from monterey. he got his start in a pcn. he helped start bindlestiff. things that i wish i could do, and the fact that someone did it who was basically the same path as i'm on now can do it... it's hopeful.

today's class focused on getting to know everyone, which i knew most people there. lotta guys... and i'll leave it there. but we started with the relaxation exercise where we lay on the ground and relax every part of your body one at a time while prompts where called out. i remember back in acting class when Pat made us do this on the CSUS theater stage. same feeling. then we broke up into groups of 7 and stretched with each person coming up with a stretch :) remembering times with the movement. next, we broke up into 2 lines that faced each other. observed each other breathing and then Allan made us look into the person across from us in the eye and focus. he made us step closer and closer to each other until we were face to face and just staring at each other. to that, he called out several prompts, "think of this person as someone you haven't seen in 10 years... not remember that they owe you $10,000... but that person saved your life... now walk backwards but don't lose that eye connection and realize that you might not see them again." my partner seemed intense, but be reminded me of beej. and every single prompt reminded me of him. it took a lot for me not to tear... or wanting to give this stranger a hug, but all these prompts started not to feel like prompts any more. they felt REAL. and that's when i remembered what acting is to me. When i see my favorite actors.... Brian, Chuck, and Jose to name a few on stage speaking words by some playwright, but seem so there. I've been saying that i'm not an actor and that i can't act, which i can't, but just remembering watching these artists work, and just being there with them. and this feeling can't be duplicated on film. it's just that feeling of being in a space where they share emotions that fills me with something I've truly missed.

better get some sleep. sorry it's been so long. when the time's right, i'll bare my soul...

Getting sick...

A different kinda sick though. not sure what it is, but i've just been exhausted the whole week. no energy and constantly yawning at work no matter how much or how little i sleep. i've been used to getting between 5-6 hours of sleep a night and since i've been at this amount for a while, i'm usually fine, but lately. now the energy level has got me feeling blah.

i told this to one of my friends and she said, duh! of course. i've been doing a lot lately. it's a sign of stress and my body not really being able to handle EVERYTHING that's happening. bad feels like it turns to worse. just a lot of things aren't working out the way i'd want and it's hella stressin' me out!

to combat this stress, i went to the city on friday night to meet up with my CT, er... WCD, folks for happy hour at Zebulon in the SOMA. pretty cool place. good music. good food. :) oh yeah, good drinks. had a couple of shots of i don't know. got all the haps at the good ol gid. i did hear something from one of them that really made my whole week! i still don't think i'd go back, but with that place... i did leave a door open though, but i like my work and the people now, though my CT peeps will always be that - my peeps!

after that, we went back to the old office. things haven't changed a bit. it was a little strange going back there. there's still a part of me that can't believe that i worked there. i mean, it is a world wide recognized company. THANKS MICHELLE! let's put it this way, were it not for that job, i don't think i'd have much experience or "clout" if i never worked there. when my current boss introduces me to someone else at work, he always mentions where i worked before. i don't think of it as a big thing, but... it's nice.

oh, so we went back to work to look for an address on facebook for one of the producers address as she was going to have a "raging kegger" at her place off of market. so, me, olLead, plLead, and SuperSoccerWoman hopped in a cab and got over there. That's where I had the Goldschlager! Fricken olLead! he was funny though and i miss him at work. i got introduced to another drinking game. there was a minipool of beer and a keg and an assortment of other libations. OMG! was i at a house party on Palmer House again? (nobody would get this reference!) but yeah. I'm too old for this :)

took a cab to 16th/Mission bart to get back to west oakland to my spared car and got home okay. so much for a night of reminding myself that my body can't do this anymore... kinda like when i was "going out" with this 21 year old when i removed back to sac. it was an experience, but been there, done that, you know?

woke up with a little headache, but made it to sac for rehearsal. went well, but still felt worn out so i just mosied back home because of this pending illness.

and i'm here... ready to get some sleep.

ttyl.