productive

so i'm moving towards becoming a writer. went to 2 barnes stores and started reading anything that had to do with writing. actually bought a book and even though it's a how to write a novel it still is relevant to what i want to do - write a dope ass play that will get produced and imma have my friends in it and they're gonna love them, the plays, as much as im gonna love seeing them perform them. earlier, i was an eating establishment and started doing some free writing by first jotting down all the ideas that i had for writing a play. i have 6 or 7 of them. only one new one. the others have been marinating in my noodle for about 6 months to a year, and according to one of the books, if an idea has stuck somewhere in my thoughts for sometime, then it's still worth being written about. oh another tip, if i really want to get these plays written, i'm not allowed to talk about them. as usual, i'll let it slip through my lips and will never find it's way onto a written page. boo. anyways, i'm pretty hyped right now and just wanted to get something written. had a fight with my sister... actually my sister had a fight with me. she's just trippin so imma just give her the space she needs. all good on my end :) she has my dad's high blood and just gets angry a lot. wish she didn't. i asked her one time why she has a bad temper and she says she doesn't know. my dad had a bad temper too. sometimes i really wonder why i don't get mad more often. i think the last time i really really got upset was when a friend... never mind. not worth getting all twisted about. life is too short and i know when to let things go. to not get too burdened with things or they'll just eat you alive and by the time you eventually let things go, you've wasted so much time and energy by not focusing on things that really really matter to you.

i was planning to go up to sac today to support, but my car is pretty much shot. maybe i'm just being ma-arts, but the last thing i want to is to get stuck on the freeway with a busted engine. been there, done that! but i'm hoping to get there in two weeks. gotta ask some people for help, and i hope they can. need to finish, more precisely, to start a script and the book that i just bought helped me so much just from the first chapter!

better get some sleep. hoping for some good dreams tonight. i need em... and if you're (no one in particular) reading this i hope that you have a good night too. sweet dreams and God bless. =)

still searching...

so before i forget what i've done last week and this...

last thurs 8/3 - watched kelly clarkson at shoreline. she's cool.

fri 8/4 - bj and sis picked me up n went to hooters. watched bri's show. great writing. paper canoes made me cry. missing my lil bro.

sat 8/5 - auditioned for pinoy big brother. got called back after first round :) same with sis. didn't think they'd let me audition w/o birth cert or resume. met some really cool and extroverted people... like me =p got cut in the second round. bootzy audition, but fun! never thought i'd get called back. actually tried to throw it. oh well. biggest flaw: don't know tagalog very well. can't fake what i can't understand in the first place. after leaving the abs-cbn studios, we left for sf. had rubios n waited for others at urban outfitters. renthead slept on a bed when we left to get tix... when we got back, he was still on the bed! in the middle of the store. hella funny! anyways after we woke him up, we got a call that everyone was heading to the golden gate to see RENT! yeah! my 21st time with my best friends :) then went to lucky chances for silog. yum. saw rissa there. big :).

sun 8/6 - watched some friends compete in a singing contest. was really fun. i was really fascinated at the people who took everything serious... as it should be. then went to sonic burger in marysville :)

thurs 8/10 - watched "night of the iguana" by tennessee williams at the live oak theater in berkeley. long and boring. needed to watch it though. needed to.

fri 8/11 - saw brian's play again. studied well. noticed patterns in the writing. paper canoes still hurt to watch, but held up better than last friday. after show, went for some chicken & waffles in oakland. yum!

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why i (want to) write - i want my life to matter. to be worth something. to leave something of me behind.

last week i submitted my play to RAP. haven't heard anything back. confidence is at an all time low. rissa read it and said she really liked it. wonder if she meant it. offered to have a reading at the i-hotel. but, yeah. even sent my script to people that i respect, but they 1) haven't read it yet or 2) didn't like it either and don't have the guts to tell me how much it sucks. ARGH!

i want to matter...

i'm a fighter. i'm not giving up on my "want" that easy! this is a valley, and i'm ready to strap on this thousand lb. backpack and climb up this hill to get recognized. i know what i have to do and i will do it! i have something to FIGHT for. and that something is finally me. i've just been thinking too much... and it's time to ACT! just jump into the flame i guess. for sure i'll get burned, like now, but i'll survive. i don't have a choice.

*** Father, give me the strength to use the gifts that you've blessed me with. Please let me see this through. I know that YOU won't leave my side and I thank and love you for that. Even though it feel like it's just me and YOU on this journey I need to take, thank you for blessing me with friends and family to help me out as well. In Jesus' name, Amen. ***

better get a move on... IF you happen to read this, thanks. Take care of ya!