still searching...

so before i forget what i've done last week and this...

last thurs 8/3 - watched kelly clarkson at shoreline. she's cool.

fri 8/4 - bj and sis picked me up n went to hooters. watched bri's show. great writing. paper canoes made me cry. missing my lil bro.

sat 8/5 - auditioned for pinoy big brother. got called back after first round :) same with sis. didn't think they'd let me audition w/o birth cert or resume. met some really cool and extroverted people... like me =p got cut in the second round. bootzy audition, but fun! never thought i'd get called back. actually tried to throw it. oh well. biggest flaw: don't know tagalog very well. can't fake what i can't understand in the first place. after leaving the abs-cbn studios, we left for sf. had rubios n waited for others at urban outfitters. renthead slept on a bed when we left to get tix... when we got back, he was still on the bed! in the middle of the store. hella funny! anyways after we woke him up, we got a call that everyone was heading to the golden gate to see RENT! yeah! my 21st time with my best friends :) then went to lucky chances for silog. yum. saw rissa there. big :).

sun 8/6 - watched some friends compete in a singing contest. was really fun. i was really fascinated at the people who took everything serious... as it should be. then went to sonic burger in marysville :)

thurs 8/10 - watched "night of the iguana" by tennessee williams at the live oak theater in berkeley. long and boring. needed to watch it though. needed to.

fri 8/11 - saw brian's play again. studied well. noticed patterns in the writing. paper canoes still hurt to watch, but held up better than last friday. after show, went for some chicken & waffles in oakland. yum!

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why i (want to) write - i want my life to matter. to be worth something. to leave something of me behind.

last week i submitted my play to RAP. haven't heard anything back. confidence is at an all time low. rissa read it and said she really liked it. wonder if she meant it. offered to have a reading at the i-hotel. but, yeah. even sent my script to people that i respect, but they 1) haven't read it yet or 2) didn't like it either and don't have the guts to tell me how much it sucks. ARGH!

i want to matter...

i'm a fighter. i'm not giving up on my "want" that easy! this is a valley, and i'm ready to strap on this thousand lb. backpack and climb up this hill to get recognized. i know what i have to do and i will do it! i have something to FIGHT for. and that something is finally me. i've just been thinking too much... and it's time to ACT! just jump into the flame i guess. for sure i'll get burned, like now, but i'll survive. i don't have a choice.

*** Father, give me the strength to use the gifts that you've blessed me with. Please let me see this through. I know that YOU won't leave my side and I thank and love you for that. Even though it feel like it's just me and YOU on this journey I need to take, thank you for blessing me with friends and family to help me out as well. In Jesus' name, Amen. ***

better get a move on... IF you happen to read this, thanks. Take care of ya!