Changing

One of the things I'm trying to do is eliminate something from my life to make room for the coming of the Messiah - and that thing is to not make fun of people. I know that might not sound like a lot, but it is. Especially for as long as I have done it and if done in and with a group. Not good. Where's the dignifying of a person when one does that? Just because that other person isn't in the same room while the smack talking/gossip occurs, it doesn't make it right. It's still doing it with malicious intent that's wrong. I never realized just how "easy" it is to make fun of someone. Gotta get that attitude out of my head. An attack on someone's dignity is and will always be wrong.

Dreaming

This was THIRD day in a row of remembering my dreams. Very odd.

Two mornings ago: dreamt that a friend (Oscar) was seeing another friend (Meyer) 2 totally far cities apart. Oscar didn't even tell me that he was even seeing someone, but to only to find out thru Meyer that they were w/o Meyer knowing how close I am to Oscar. That didn't surprise me or make me upset cuz I ain't a person to get up in a person's bizness like that. When Oscar wants to tell me something, then they will on Oscar's time. Not gonna love Oscar back any less. HOWEVER, it DID make me hella upset when I find out that Oscar doesn't invite Meyer to see any of Oscar's receptions. Oscar is a painter, and I think that this is an important event to share with friends and family. But to know that 1) Oscar doesn't even tell me that he's in a relationship or 2) doesn't even invite Meyer to this event upset me. Meyer doesn't even have a clue what's happening in Oscar's city. I guess it's the fact that when a person can't even celebrate the really special events with a person that they are in a relationship with, then how special is that relationship? Is that door to your closet really that hard to move? Don't forget, you'll always have friends like me to help push with you!

Dream 2: a lot more vague. I got in a car crash in my old Elantra, but only remember it looking like a modern art piece after the wreck. It was a part of a stack of 3 cars with mine being on the bottom. There was more to it but can't remember.

Esta mañana, I had a dream where I was performing, singing a playing guitar, in front of an audience as part of a two day thing. First day was awesome. Second day, a disaster! As I was about to start singing, a whole bunch of stuff, blocked my view from the audience. Frantically, I started to move the stuff to the side. After that was all done, I started to play, but I totally blanket on the lyrics... and this was my song. I had friends who were trying to help, but then I was forgetting even what chords to play. Eventually the boos started coming in. I still didn't want to quit. Just then the sound guy cut the sound to my guitar and mic while the promoter came out to get me. All she said was, "Just wasn't your day." Total FAIL. The day before ROCKED, and then everything went wrong.

I can remember saying that I no longer had dreams. Go to sleep and wake up. Now? Wonder what this means? Do dreams even have any function or are they supressed imaginations digging their way out of the rubble called reality?

Lazy Sunday

Had a lazy Sunday yesterday. But a great one. Had an Advent Retreat at St. Albert's. Learned that the old testament, through Isaiah, saw the coming of Christ and that John the Baptist knew someone greater than himself, than everyone, was soon coming through the new testament. I dint know why, but the verse, I'm not even fit to carry his sandals, resonates with me. But good lesson on what Advent means - the preparation for the arrival of the world's Savior is coming! Spent time with Mary, my sponsor. Really needed to connect with her and glad to do so - and she didn't ask me if I was still single and without offspring. Score!

Other than that, came back home and chilled. Was the last day of ST2010. Someone made me nostalgic! Both in a good and bad way. Good in remembering what once was. Bad in what it should be. Sad that it isn't anymore and fear that it no longer can be. I miss the way ST was - a true community. I was proud to perform with them and for them. It's just hard to put into words to describe but it's WAY beyond just putting on a show. It was about belonging to something bigger than yourself and your friends. Way bigger.

Advent

I thank God for guiding my spirit to find Him through my free will. But I had a thought: we're going into this second Sunday of Advent and we're learning that it's a time to prepare for the coming of Christ as not only the baby, but also for His second coming. And we're to prepare for this ultimate time of judgement. so I'm ecstatic that I'm preparing for that time as well, but that's something we know and believe, because it is the end of everything, isnt it our Duty to tell Everyone about this as well? But that's where I'm perplexed, because it's of this free will that I'm preparing myself. By "forcing" someone else to prepare for the last judgement, seems counter-intuitive because it's against their free will. I've prayed about this, and all I'm getting back is that I feel like the best thing is to pray that they get that "call" as I have.

Focused

cool. landscape mode. focused. life is finally becoming more focused. originally I was thinking about creating a new blog about my recent faith journey into being a confirmed Catholic, but the truth is is that this blog is all about... me. I mean I'm probably the only one who reads this anyways... right?

anyways, I guess ever since I've really started to trust in God and everything that has happened in my life and more to the point what will happen in my life, I guess the stress factor of not knowing what will happen next has gone considerably down. I mean, I am human after all and I still have A LOT of things to work on, but as I step closer to God, I feel things are and will fall into place cuz after all, it's His Will that will be done :)

back to my point. like with work, I'm starting to get my passion back for the work I do. granted, it's pretty nerdy, but a genuine curiosity has been reignited within me about what I do that I haven't really felt since going to school and learning what I had to do. it's so exciting! I find myself going into work early and leaving late. not only because I have a lot of work, but because I ENJOY what I'm doing.

as well as something like this - blogging. as you can tell I haven't blogged in a very long time. I've kinda either lost touch with who I'm destined to be or I've just lost the interest of putting my thoughts, though random as it is, down. now, if only I can focus this energy into writing more stories.

I guess everything boils down to the Grace of God of giving me the ability to live in Kronos Time. boy, I hope I got that correct. But it's the theory that if you do something where you lose the total concept of time, then it's because you're doing something you were MEANT to be doing. you are fulfilling your purpose in life. and a clock should never dictate that to you.

hola!

Well, it's been some time since I've last been here. So much to talk about and so little time to write down everything. But will soon. I promise. Word is bond. later for now.

#teamconan

I've been a huge fan of Conan since he was on at 12:30am. Actually, I kinda liked his show better at that timeslot. At times his self-deprecating humor was too much, but overall, his shit was always funny, especially the WTF? moments like the masturbating bear. In the Year 2000 always cracked me up. The shows with him outside of the studio after 9/11 was genuine. Plus, even then, a lot of critics said he would never last. And all these years later, he's still here. In many ways, he's lived out the American Dream because through "hard", quoted cuz honestly, he didn't like shovel dirt or lay bricks, but he put in his time to be the Tonight Show host. And now this is taken away.

NBC is a douche for taking this away from him. In a way, it's very symbolic of what's happening in America regarding the economy. Conan's losing a job involuntarily. Well, technically, he didn't have to, but that would've meant that he'd have to compromise his value of The Tonight Show and it's timeslot, not of post-2010-Olympics, but in history. The American people might just see this as another managerial decision to squash someone's dream job that they obviously love to do. Classic underdog story. And America LOVES underdogs. This is pretty good drama, and I guess that's why I'm so intrigued about everything. We have our hero. We know his wants. In steps the Bad guy: Zucker for switching up the timeslot for the Tonight Show, leaving our hero in a tight spot. Leno is a creep too, cuz he should've done the noble thing and said, Look, I had my shot at the Tonight Show gig and now it's Conan's. Asshole. But I digress. Drama. Good stuff. Made me wanna watch and since it's about real lives, not just for these people I named, but for everyone on the cast and crew of these shows PLUS the people who work for NBC. Once again, it's the BIG CORPORATE meanies showing that they have no regards for the people that work for them and have given it their all.