bottles of emotions and memories

i've just taken the past couple of minutes to cruise around and look at other peoples blogs... actually complete strangers. instead of the creepiness of looking at someone's vitals, i looked for what makes a person herself or himself. what are her interests? what will make him sad? sometimes i get overanalytical about stuff and how things work - hence, i'm a programmer by trade, but seeing how people write. how they use their vocubulary. i once read that the creation of art is done be seeing what the world is through other people's eyes. and taking this vision and to create a new world that's only UNIQUE to you. i like that i am in some capacity able to do that... and growing more into being the artist i want to be even at my ripe old age.

reflecting on life, as i've been going through this mid-life reevaluation, is that one of the things i'm learning about myself is that i'm finally liking who i am. it kinda makes me sad that for so many years i went through being weak and trying to conform to what i hope OTHERS would see me as. as a MAN. as a FRIEND. as a KUYA. finally, half-way through this temporal state of being called life, i'm starting to like me for me and being brave and secure enough to know that my tru friends love me for who i am and for waht i'm trying to be.

i'm going to try and enjoy this moment, because as with time, this personal gratification is temporary, but this feeling can be eternal.

i've mentioned this in a blog either on myspace or xanga, but i like to objectify specific moments in my life. feelings that i get at a specific time - i imagine i can put into a bottle, into different bottles, and place them on my imaginary shelf, and remember. i have many of these bottles, but i'm very selective of what i choose. not all of them are good memories, some are bad and painful ones. but as one of the truths from HM Jim, "2) That life is composed of contradictions. The pair of opposites such as good and bad, ugly and beautiful, etc. will always be there. They are necessarily with us because they not only validate each other but are inextricably linked. What is white if we do not know black? What is joy if we do not know sadness?" di ba?

every once in a while, i'll dust off these bottles and pop the cork to let the essence spring around me. the contents of these bottles make me... and i'm finally starting to be okay.