Ah Basta...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEB!!!

so i was backstage left last night near the green room, and as the music started playing for the bows, i got sad cuz this really is my last show. i don't think i'll say this outloud, cuz like everything i say outloud for some reason never sticks. i said that last year was my last and guess what, i'm in this years show again. honestly, i really like the program this year. good mix of fast and slow numbers. we have ballet, a beautiful piano solo, a strong song called freedom which I KNEW was going to be my favorite number ever since i listened to the cd that first night that USA unveiled the program, an awesome duet with two talented girls that is sure to bring the house down, and a really cool EDSA segment that needs to have it's own 2 hour show! hmmmm....

speaking of which... well, my script was totally gutted. the only remants left are actually the two that i'm most proud of, the monologues by my lil sis and tues!, so much better hearing with the band last night. the sad fact is that if my heart was a 100% in it, i'd be devastated and crushed to see that almost everything i wrote isn't going to be used. but kinda sad because i'm not that affected by it...

if anything, i wanted my last show to be really special. last years show was special to me. for so many reasons... but yeah. looking back on the years that i've done the show and the touring ensemble, so many memories come back. last year and in 2002 brought back many more from the wings and watching all the kids and new people in it. i can still remember my first number ever. i wore a construction-worker orange silk shirt for "Ah Basta". was that our opening? if not, it should be cuz it was so fun and hammy! i just loved watching beej perform that cuz that was one of the only times where we could pile on ham over cheeze over ham and topped off with more cheese... and it'd be alright. i remember rehearsing at magellen hall and i was wearing my green mossimo "golf cap" and really hearing the first time ever that anyone has called me kuya. and with that word coming from this special person still tugs on my heart a little... even after all these years. anyways, that first show was at sac city, and even though that was so many years ago... and i have the highest propensity to forget even the littlest things, i remember those moments like it was yesterday. i wonder if the kids/teens/adults will feel the same about this show 11 years from now. i hope so... and i hope that some of them continue to be friends for this long. sure, distance can be an obtacle at times, but good friends are like stars... even though you don't see them all the time, you know that they will always be there. (saw this on a magnet at a store near my work.) apologies for those who catch me staring into space these next couple of days. my minds going in rewind, and replay on all these special moments with this company that have formed me as an artist and as a person.

another reason that i'm hoping that this will be my last year is that i'll be doing something artistically next year. there's so much that i need to make happen for the simple fact that i need to do something that i can be proud of. recently, i've been hiding behind the facade of trying to do something to make others proud of me. one of my quirks is to not only try to do everything for everyone, but to also try to make them like me. in doing so, i lost track of who i want to satisfy and make proud the most. me. i'm always proud of my lil sisters and what they do, whether it be being a manager of her own store, or singing a national anthem in front of THOUSANDS of people, or being assistant director for the company that gave me a start in this crazy art world. i hope one day i can have them be proud of the one that they can always all kuya. but it really has to start with me. it's coming. so many ideas. so little time. man, a year by flew... make that 11 years, have flown by so quickly. where'd it go?