ACTIONS speak louder than words

"actions speak louder than words" is a lyric from a show called "tick... tick... BOOM!" it's written by jonathan larson and i just saw in in los altos which is west of mountain view and south of palo alto. it was produced by a company called bus barn in a portable looking theater. the show was so good and the cast of 3 are amazing! i can't wait to see it again! as i said, it was written by the writer of RENT and is a musical about his life and his choice of pursuing his musical theater career and... real life. it's so much about me, my friends, and anyone who is an artist and stuggles with this decision. he lives with his roommate and best friend who gave up his dream of being an actor to working for a big company and making mad money. his girlfriend is a dancer, but wants to leave NYC to finally live a normal life without money or competition. and this all happens at the time when jonathan is about to turn 30.

thinking back on my life, 30 seems like ages ago. i don't think i ever went through a almost 30 complex. it just happened. i guess it also helped that i was in a good place in my life when i turned the big 3-0. i was engaged and i saw a pretty bright future. but life always has a way of balancing itself out. when everything looks perfect, it usually means that it's too good to be true. honestly, i'm not trying to be cynical, but more "factual" about it - if something good happens, there'll be a time when the opposite will happen and life goes to shit. i guess i am cynical cuz i kinda just accept that shit happens. BUT if you believe that, then you have to believe that fortunes can go in reverse direction as well. like i said, just accept the things that happen good or bad, cuz eventually, it'll flip-flop good-to-bad; bad-to-good. i guess this can be a philosophy to life: to try and make the good things in life last as long as you can before the rough times eventually come along. and when the bad times do hit, believe that good times are just around the corner. just a cycle.

hmm.... that was a boring conversation with myself. back to "tick... tick... boom!" one part, out of many, that hit me was when michael tells jon that maybe it might not be a bad thing if jon let go of his dreams and take the opportunity to settle down and have a family. susan, jon's girlfriend, gives him this option. what does he choose? this choice in the play is so personal to me because i was faced with the about the same choice. and i chose... me. i'm still trying to figure out if that was the right decision. then again it might not even be worth trying to figure out since there's nothing i can do about it. NOTHING.

next step - move on. create. laugh. cry. experience. learn. LIVE.

JONATHAN:
[Speaking]
I want to write music
I want to sit down
Right now at the piano
And write a song that
People will listen to and remember
And do the same thing every morning
For the rest of my life