ako ay tunay buwisitin

ok, this looks like a literal translation, but i just am. besides not caring if i go up there or not, whatever. and i only use whatever when i'm buwisitin.

at any rate, positive energy! had a nice time last night. only a few people showing up, but i kinda wanna be part of the core. we'll see how everything goes. i'm looking forward to saturday. need to get into the christmas spirit :)

so, in a way, last night, i've opened up a new chapter in my life. on one of my thinking trips to sac, which is sometimes the only thing i get to do on these hour-and-a-half drives, i always think to myself, why am i doing this still? why am i going out of my way to... i mean there are a lot of good reasons, but the other realization i came to was that I DON'T HAVE A LIFE. i've been going on these trips to recapture the moments of long ago. but yeah, i'm driving up here to not only fulfil my performance needs, although i did tell a good friend that my performance days were over, but probably be with people i consider my family. but i'm kinda reevaluating that...

well, as i mentioned earlier everything in life is temporal. it's just up to you to decide how temporary a relationship is.

there is this quote from somewhere that says that you're lucky if you have 5 people you can consider the people you can count on the most by the time your life on earth is over. i don't know if i 5, but i do know who i can always depend on... but i hope and pray that they know that i will always be there for them. i've messed up before and i'm trying so hard to regain the trust that i've lost, but believe me, without these people in my life, i'd be NOTHING. i've already lost one of them and i wish he was still here, but that's why i try to hold on, without suffocatingly doing so, to my dear ones. i appreciate and love them more than they'll ever know... well, unless they're reading this :)

hmmm.... aside from being so annoyed at the beginning of this post, i ended on a good note. the power of a blog... for the lonely :(

ciao!

it would've been nice if someone missed me last night though... grrr... messed up by ending on a :( note. whatever. new chapter. bye!