can't sleep

just can't sleep yet. don't know why. had a good weekend back home. went to a mother's day shindig at the fil-am club back in marina on saturday... and old folks were trying to set me up with this person named Aileen. she just got here from the pi like last week. egadz! honestly NOTHING against her. she's nice and we talked a little bit, but... eh. then i talked to this person that i knew from middle and high school. haven't seen her in ages and then i find out that she went to sac state too?! did i know that? maybe i did, but i remembered that she was a year older than me and probably didn't ever pay any mind to me anyways... but it's different now. needless to say, we had a great convo talking about people from way back in the day. then about where she lived in when she was at sac. then HA about ST. again needless to say, things never change! even though i was in the club, she HATED people in the club back then! hehe. i never realized how cliqueeee the club was when i was in it... probably because i was part of that clique. hate to admit it, but at the same time, i was really going through a transitional part of college when i joined them.

okay, topic is my college life. in high school, i was an overweight nerd band geek! face facts. then when i got to sac at 18 years old, i left home, 300 miles away. the only person i knew was my cuzin, but he was 5 years older than me and... just older. so in a way, i was alone. but i also saw it as a way to reinvent myself. nobody knew me there and as i said, i went through a transitional phase where i was trying to discover who i was, and more importantly, who i WASN'T. so i started to hang around the filipino club. and i don't regret really being with them. i learned a lot about who i am as a filipino and filipino-american. i got culturized, if you will, or if that's a word. i got hecka skinny by playing tennis everyday. i started going out almost every night, even though if it was with friends by my second semester. i lived with my cuzn but i was NEVER home even during the week as i'd stay at my friend's, jennifer's, house all night just kickin' it after watching, well i did homework, melrose place! also, went clubbing everynight except for mondays and tuesdays. i was FINALLY not the dork anymore. but somewhere along the way, i kinda forgot who i was and i really never thought for myself. i just went along with everyone. and being in a clique was wierd because one second i'd have really close friends and if i did stand up for what was right, i'd have one of them not being friends with me, which in turn, made the other people who were closer to that person turn against me. then i'd change to try to gain acceptance again. so stupid.

then i, along with one of my best friends, bj, joined a little group of artists called sinag-tala. i found out that i didn't have to compromise who i was and was accepted for being a little flighty or just a ham! this group turned into one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me - they became, and still are, MY FAMILY.

back to the person i talked with at the party - i had a REALLY nice time talking to her. we exchanged numbers and despite my hectic schedule, plus her upcoming baby, i hope that we stay in touch.

had rehearsal sunday as well. even though i didn't really need to be there, i'm glad that i did. I AM REALLY STOKED about something that's going to be in the play. it's a surprise, but putting it this way, i'm not only going to be part of the shadow cast, i got cast as an "extra" on stage... and a MUSICIAN. i played a song i wrote a while ago, just playing around, and Jay-Ar, the co-director, stopped me and yelled, "CONRAD! Keep playing that!" I did and bada-bing! it's in the show. my song is in the show! one little step closer to my dream of writing a musical! the song fit PERFECT with the scene. it really was magic how all the pieces came together. people came up to me and told me that they really liked the song :) i said that it was my good luck song and if there was ever a piano nearby where i was performing, i'd play this song and "instant zone" and "peace". plus, it got the attention of a certain someone ;) we'll see...

better get some sleep now. ingatz!