my birthday

don't have much to say, but there are a lot of things on my mind. i am i think 36 today. i don't know cuz i 1) i'm not in the mood to think to add/subtract 2) not sure. then again, it's 6am and i'm awake for no reason. it's quiet.

last night i saw a play called Satellites by Diana Son. It had it's good and bad points. i didn't like the beginning and the ending but loved the middle. great acting, set, direction, and lighting. the script was pretty well thought out. i guess what annoys me were at the beginning of the play, a rock is thrown though a window, and one of the characters says something to the effect of, "maybe it was supposed to be a sign of something to come." that sounded a little forced, even if it was a signpost. and then the ending felt forced too... like it just ended. it had a put a cute bow on it and call it a night. i'll go into more detail on my play blog, but overall, it was pretty good.

other things... work is going alright. i've been there for about a month and there have been times when i felt like the stupidest person on earth. i had a group of people sitting at my computer trying to figure out how to do something. that's not a good thing. the saving grace in all this distress is my boss. he's really good, and when i told him about this he said that it was okay. he knew that all this is new to me, cuz honestly, there's not a lot of people out there doing what we do. whole brand new language i'm trying to learn and i'm mad at myself for not being fast enough to learn it... but i'm always hard on myself. oh and a couple of days ago, i was there til 10:30pm. wish i was somewhere else supporting someone close.

the play... i'm trying to keep positive about everything. i still don't have a complete cast. luckily it's still early in the game to find them. it was good watching a play last night cuz i got some ideas, like how to do the transitions between scenes. can't wait to see how that works out.

now about turning 36 (i think that's how old i am). 1) i'm old 2) i don't feel like it 3) what do i have to show for it? so, after work last night, i was just thinking to myself that i didn't want to be alone on my birthday. the last time i felt this bad was, wow, a long time ago. and i had to call up a friend to see if she wanted to go out to dinner. this was way back, but she came through. wonder what she doin' now. anyways, back to last night, i knew that i wanted to see some theater to get me in the mood and perhaps strike some karma - if i support a play, hopefully, people will come out to see mine. the play was in berkeley, so it was a short backroad drive, but enough time to think. being honest, i had a quick kawawa thought, but then something inside made me think, i'm lucky to be alive and i don't want to waste any time feeling like this. i have to do what makes me happy. experiencing new things makes me happy, like this. at the end of the day, as long as i can make myself happy, then all's good. no one else will do it for me.

alright, i'll step off my philosophical soapbox, although, i've been reading some deepak chopra right now.